He says he's afraid of engagement (guys' perspectives please!)

So, my boyfriend and I have always talked about getting engaged after he gets his BA in two years and then getting married, having kids, etc. He seemed all for it up until just recently.

He said that the thought of getting engaged scares him, even though its two years from now...he's said that he'd still want to move in together (he currently lives with his parents) but that he doesn't want to promise anything, like engagement.

He also said something else, which kind of contradicts everything previously mentioned. He said that "you know I would marry you in a heartbeat if I already had my BA" I think he's worried about being able to support us, but I'm not sure...

Guys, does your financial situation really influence how you approach a relationship? Also...what do you think he means by saying all these things? I've told him its okay and that we'll handle everything when we get there...but part of me is really worried because I don't want to wait two years for him to just hear "sorry, I don't want to be that serious".



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What Guys Said 1

  • I think that wanting to be financially established *can* be an excuse to avoid marriage. On one hand, I completely understand the desire to have a good job before marriage. But on the other hand, I've known lots of people who married in college, lived in a cruddy little apartment, and worked their money problems together -- in the marriage.

    I suspect you've nailed it: 'I don't want to wait two years for him to just hear "sorry, I don't want to be that serious". '

    I've known a lot of girls who've been in a similar dilemma. There's always one more thing keeping the guy from getting married. Once he has a BA, he'll want to pay off the student loans before he marries. Once the student are paid, he'll want to save cash for a down payment on a house before he marries. Once he has the down payment, he'll want a promotion at work before he marries. Once he has the promotion...

    And in the meantime, his girlfriend/fiance wastes year after year, waiting for him to change.

    How long have you been with this guy?


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