What should I do about my marriage?

I think it's been over for a long time. I look at my husband and I am just not attracted to him anymore. We would have been together 8 years this April, married for 1.5 of those years.

As soon as we started dating I felt like he was the one. I loved that we were friends first and it seemed like we could tell each other anything, I felt like he was my soul mate.

We fought during our relationship FOR SURE. Some very heated knock down drag out fights...we were friends so we were very honest towards each other, but it was a part of us we both loved and cherished.

I felt great about us right up until a couple months before our wedding, My in-laws have always been PESTS in our relationship. My sister in-law is 5 years younger than me. After my husband and I got engaged, she got engaged and scheduled her wedding for 2 months BEFORE ours. I was annoyed, but reminded myself I can't control what other people do, etc., etc.

Throughout our and my sister in-law's engagement it seemed as though she was constantly trying to make us look bad by spreading rumors and by pitting his parents against me because of how I did everything "wrong".

So like every wedding my mother & sister in-law meddled and meddled and we did what we shouldn't have...gave in...let her have what she wanted, we wanted a marriage not a wedding after all and if it made her happy and shut my sister in-law up it was fine. Little did I know it would set a precedent that my husband would always choose his family over me.

Before our wedding we were told by doctors MY mother had roughly 7 months to live (she did live :) ) 4 days before OUR wedding my mother in-law AGAIN had some issue with something we were doing for MY family's sake, I finally said, "that is enough, we have done EVERYTHING according to what you want, my mother wants this and we are going to have it, you HAVE to compromise with my mother", My mother in-law's response was, "well it doesn't look like you're going to have a mother for much longer, so you better learn our way of things!" My husband SAT THERE. I cried. She asked us to forget it and come to dinner, We did. That night I fought with my husband how I want him to stick up for me.

I kept telling myself, "It'll happen, he'll stand up to her for me, this is just a fight, no need to call off the whole wedding". I went through it even though I was SO upset. 1.5 years and many many MANY fights later, NOTHING from my husband on how controlling his family is. I can't stick up for us anymore without him because it make ME the problem.

I'm starting to think I AM the problem, if everyone in my husband's family including my husband thinks so I think I need to get out of this. It's slowly, but surely deteriorating my view of him. I don't find him physically or emotionally attractive anymore and we are slowly, but surely drifting apart as friends, I even find myself flirting back when other men flirt with me.

He won't go to counseling. What do I do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • First, sorry about your relationship. Just remember its always a great thing, to have someone elses point of view. I don't think your the problem. You shouldnt tell yourself that. Say: I'm not the problem. I think its great how you and your husband started off and I'm sure you or both of you would like to continue what you have. Creating a relationship and keeping it alive is a demanding process.

    One thing I can say is Communication! That is the key to most things. They way you communicate with each other can mend or break things apart. Most couples in a relationship revert to yelling, this is not the best way if your trying to get a point accross. If you need to, set a time with your husband to talk things over. Tell him: 1)What you want to talk about. 2) Think about the issues? 3) Write things down that each of you need to talk about. 4) Set the mood, be positive, start off with something positive. 5) Pick a good location. Somewhere that it has a lot of light, to make eye contact.

    Remember communication will make a difference.

    You mentioned that you don't look at your husband the same way anymore. Does he look at you the same way? Each of us from time to time forget what we have. When he didn't stand up for you, maybe he just forgot what a great relationship he's in. Its always a good approach to talk about issues right away or bring them up at a better time. Its good that you did so. I'm sure hell understand once you talk to him with a calm voice(not assuming there was yelling). Its like talking to a kid. Have a good flow of delivery and be calm. let each other have time to talk. This has always worked for me. Bring up respect!

    Does he know the way you feel about him now? I'm sure things will change once he does, but he shouldnt have a reason to do it. Let him know what you really feel and please make sure he understands it. If you need to, Say look at me, look at me... lol. Get feedback so you know the point was translated and understood correctly.

    Ensure him that counseling will help him and your relationship out. If you need to go with you. Showing support can help the situation.

    Take Care

    Good Luck.


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What Guys Said 1

  • well I'm 3 years younger than you but here is what I would do, if the other repeatedly refuses to try and fix what is going on then you need to device a plan to try and fix it yourself, but not eat yourself alive with it, if that doesn't work then you should just leave because you don't deserve to be mistreated by anyone, and I know I tell my fiance I don't care what my parents think of us, its our life and we can do what we want and if he is just going to follow the footsteps of others and not relize that he needs to support you and tell the family to back off then yeah don't put yourself through that, and if you get a chance can you read the question I posted and help me out I'm in fear of losing my other half.

    All I know is if I had strong feelings I would do whatever it takes to keep the fire burning, but if it all fails then, that's when you know its time to move on.



What Girls Said 1

  • try taking a mini vacation with him, where its just the two of you, doing something fun. it doesn't sound like you should get divorced, you just sound stressed. I think you just need to be reminded how much you love him. I hope things work out for you, I'm not lying when I say I believe you still love him very much.