When do you think you'll be ready for marriage?

And if you already are married, or about to be, did you feel confident when you found "the one".

My boyfriend and I often tell each other how special the other is, and how there is no other better, but when the topic of marriage comes up, he says "Who knows who or when I'll end up getting married."

I know he is looking forward to having a family one day, as am I. Even though I'm not going to marry him tomorrow - We aren't ready for that-, I find it silly to think I'll marry anyone who isn't him, because he's so perfect for me. Everything he says implies that too, until it's the out in the open conversation.

Is it weird or normal for him to not *think* he's going to marry me? Once he said he could imagine himself very happy if he did end up marrying me, but he just didn't really like talking about it.

What do you think!?

Oh, and he's also told me getting married is in his five year plan. We've been together for a year, and like I said, I know we aren't ready to get married tomorrow, but we are definitely telling each other the "I've never met anyone as incredible as you in my entire life & you make me so wonderful happy, I couldn't imagine anyone being better than you." So why would he feel uncomfortable talking about us being married in a few years?

And by the way, I do not push this on him, this is just
something I notice when it gets brought up for some random reason.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm already married, so I'll be coming into this from the looking-back perspective.

    In response to your question for married users, did I feel confident that I found "the one"? I never actually believed in the one, even the very day I walked up the aisle; I always thought people had varying degrees of compatibility and as long as it was someone with high compatibilty - say someone in about one in a 150,0000 people (a small/midsize town) - then that would be sufficient. I came into marriage with my eyes wide open like a baseball batter staring at a pitcher, waiting for the throw. No matter what came off the mound, I was going to give it my best swing. I did have a long courting period, a good 4.5 years, so I kind of had an idea of who I was getting with.

    It was a good thing I came into the marriage with the expectation that there might be waves, because there were -- financial, relational, values conflicts, etc. We solved these by 1) not giving up on trying to solve them (don't leave problems lying around forever), and 2) not giving up on each other when we were exhausted or frustrated or felt we had enough.

    All was smooth sailing for until year 7, where we hit a rough patch. Got through that too.

    By year 10, my marriage had deepened to a point where I realized that maybe there is a one -- I don't know about destined; I'm not superstitious - but maybe a "one" of our making? A strong sense that I would not be able to do this again, perhaps because I will not be young again and cannot create a life path with someone else like this again. She may have been one in a 150,000 in the beginning, but now she is one in 5 billion.

    I have never, ever, at any point left anything to "fate" or "it will work because of our compatibility" or anything like that. Every day the sun rises and sets, there are things that can threaten a relationship.

    You must be ever-vigilant.

    • I like your answer!

      I am definitely not one to think of divorce as an option (You'd think everyone would be that way, but actually a poll says 70% don't), and I believe that you can build & make things work with someone you once had such a great connection with through rough times.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I possibly want o get married after I'm 30.


What Girls Said 4

  • 30s.maybe like 30-34

  • Probably in my late 20s , early 30s.

  • I'm 19. I think I'll be ready for marriage in the next 5 or so years. At least. I am in a committed healthy relationship and could easily see myself marrying my boyfriend, but at the same time, I know we both have a lot of growing up to do. While he seems like the ideal partner right now, I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket, so to speak, because we both have to get through college first, and since we aren't at the same one, who knows what'll happen.

    He and I talk about marriage somewhat seriously. We're both starting to figure out what we want in a spouse and so far, we've met, or will be able to meet those requirements. We have the same views on religion, and child rearing ideals and we're both aware that relationships take work and are willing to work for ours.

    As for your situation, if you're on the lower end of your age bracket (18-21) I wouldn't worry about what he says too much as he is still rather young and though the idea of settling down has probably entered his mind, it probably is way off in the future still. Even though he knows he's in a committed relationship, he subconsciously probably wants to keep his options open, if you will. If you're on the upper end of your age bracket (22-24) I'd be more concerned with the fact that he hasn't quite decided, but not terribly so. He may not decide until he's near 30.

    Just give him time.

  • Never. I was married once, not too eager to get married again lol.

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