How to get over the trust/anxiety issues I have in my marriage?

I've been married for just over 2 years now to a wonderful woman. Lately, I've been very worried about her cheating on me/wanting to leave me. This isn't completely unlike me, I've felt this way in the past and cannot remember how to resolve it. I know she's faithful most of the time but sometimes I can't shake the feeling that something is going on. She says she loves me, and for the most part we are happy.

It usually only happens when she goes out with her friends, or when I'm away from her for extended periods. This is starting to drive a wedge in our relationship and I have no idea how to overcome this on my own. What can I do?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, I have two question..

    Have you been cheated on before?

    And has she ever cheated on you?

    I ask because the trust issues must come from somewhere. Either you've been burned before, or you are one very insecure man.

    I don't want to discount your fears on account that you do have some things to be concerned about. I've been married for almost 10 years and from

    Time to time, I do go clubbing with girlfriends, not to cheat, but to let loose, dance and get some me time. I've even spent weekends away and our relationship is rock solid. It is unrealistic to be with someone for years at a time without a break from each other.

    Now, the problem would be if I constantly go out, ALL the time which seems to be the issue for you. On some level, I'm inclined to see what your issue might be. Going out on occassion is different than hanging out like a single girl. Some people are really particular about their privacy, but in the presence of constant partying, may seem funny.

    I don't think trust is as much of a problem as much as there are issues when it comes to expectations and respect for each other.

    If you haven't already done so, a serious heart to heart about your issues needs to be addressed. No yelling, no complaining, no accusations...just talk. You may find she has some issues of her own. She needs to understand that you are uncomfortable with the fact that she is always out which you don't mind if kept to a minimum. It sends the message that she's not happy at home and that worries you. Give her the opportunity to express her feelings and then together come up with a solution you both can both be happy with. Negotiate! It works.

    The trust issues are surface problems. You need to get to the root which is a need to establish effective communication and respect for one another's wshes.

    Good luck!


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What Girls Said 2

  • I think this is a personal problem for yourself, its interesting that you got married in the first place without full trust in her, but okay. You might need to see a counselor about it, and just talk it out, or you can talk to HER about it, and tell her that something makes you uncomfortable and you just need her to support you through this and work it out together. Going out with her friend's is nothing at all to be worried about, you always need a life outside of your marriage. Maybe try going out with you friend's more often when she's out too. That way you have less time to dwell on what she's doing. Or just ask when she comes back, "oh how was your night? What'd you do?"

    • I do love her. And I've always had problems with trust but I thought it was something I could work through. It's not really her going out with her friends that bothers me... It's her going out to bars and coming home late, and house parties. That's the sort of things that bother me. I'm starting to get kind of bitter about it at the moment so I'm thinking of more negatives. She keeps her phone close to her and absolutely refuses to let me see it for any reason.

    • Well the phone thing.. is strange, but not uncommon. I don't like letting my guy see my phone, but I do have absolutely nothing to hide. It's just like a principle thing.. like it's like you're eavesdropping on my conversations kind of, and also if a guy asks to see my phone I get slightly offended because I think that he doesn't trust me, and it makes me more reluctant to let him see anything.

      But anyways, that kind of behavior will stop eventually in a marriage, and as you grow older.

  • Are there any signs that she is cheating?

    • She keeps her phone close to her at all times. This is pretty much the only sign I can think of. we still spend time together, she doesn't seem distant, she still tells me she loves me, kisses me etc

    • Show All
    • I don't really want to check her phone though, she just recently started sleeping with it in her back pocket and it never leaves her pocket. I've never tried going through it, its just something I've noticed. I've also asked to use it a couple of times (take pictures of kids, make a quick phone call) and she refuses. I've asked before if there is anything going on, telling her I felt like something was up, and she always says nothing is going on and gets angry.

    • If she's that defensive, I can see why you're suspicious. Keep trying to communicate but keep an eye out for signs of trouble. Make it clear that you know something is up, and that her anger (to end the conversation, right?) is only making her look like she's hiding something. Stay calm, explain that you want to work it out, whatever it is, and get yourselves to couples counseling.

What Guys Said 1

  • It starts with you and ends with you only. Not feeling worthy, self-esteem issues, lack of confidence, and co-dependency issues.

    I have related and over came.

    By only one way --- GOD !

    Hit your knees surrender all the good and bad within you and ask for his guidance. No human can give this to us. I asked for complete abandonment from self. I thanked God of my understanding for creating me as I am. With this comes acceptance and learned that I am unique. This gave me the knowledge that in order to love and trust I must love myself first. When I became doubtful I asked for guidance and received it. Not sure if I did at first I had faith that and soon felt different. Guided.

    After patients and understanding doubt of others faded away. Acceptance of knowing nothing happens by mistake my confidence grew I soon became attractive to all around me. And started loving myself and soon believed trusted and was arwarded with an open trusting outlook

    God Bless

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