Should I leave her or should hang in there and hope for the best?

Ok I'm a married man that is respectful to his wife and faithful. This is my first marriage and this is her 2nd. She has 2 boys(10and12) from the first marriage and a daughter(2) from a previous relationship. We've been married just over a year now and we've fought time and time again about her boys now being respectful to me and always giving me problems. And now its developed into constant fighting, insecurities to me and keeps thinking I'm cheating or always talking to girls when she's gone. Honestly I can't stand it no more. I'm not gunna lie yes my 1st girlfriend and I still talk now and then and yes we both still love each other too. She still lives in ny while I'm here in mi. We don't say anything were not suppost to each other we talk strictly on a friends bases.I've always been a ladies man and I told her that a lot of my friends were girls. Its like no matter what I do she's got a problem with it. Its come to the point she secretly checks my phone and then starts causing sh*t with me right after and walks away. I'm sorry I have enough health problems as is and I don't need someone throwing stress at me all the time. What will it take for her to get the point that. I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG! Yes I've told her that it seems like I can't make her happy and that yea I she just divorse and leave. But I just don't know what to do!


Most Helpful Girl

  • I can only tell you what I think about this situation, married person to married person.

    Obviously, your wife may not be the best at relationships. The fact that she starts drama rather than express her disappointment, secretly checks your phone and doesn't trust you is indicative of her relationshipDNA being that of what I like to call Actresses (women who always drum up drama).

    Now here's the annoying part. I'm almost sure you knew all these things about her before you married her, and the thing with the boys, well, it comes with the territory. Sounds like you've got your hands full with trying to make it 'all' work.

    The problem here is, that you have an insecure wife. You admittedly still talk to your ex girlfriend who you say You Still Love! Not cool! And I'm pretty secure! My husband has tons of female friends, but he does not keep contact or communicate so often with them that I feel I am in competition with them.

    He's my best friend and even after 15 years together, we still talk like we're just getting to know each other, because we are. There's no way we could give each other that kind of attention if we had 'other outlets'.

    Before we met, When my husband's best female friend got a boyfriend, he literally backed off. They used to speak everyday and he changed it so they only spoke on occasion, at events, ect. There's no way her boyfriend would have all of her if my husband was still in the picture. In essence, your ex should be doing the same. You guys have the kind of history that has the potential to break up a current relationship, especially if it has cracks in the foundation. There's obviously some real feelings still lingering and I don't think it's fair to your marriage, no matter how innocent the conversations.

    This is the reality of marriage. Sometimes it requires sacrificing the things you love for the one you love, and sometimes it means letting go of people. Your wife has every right to be weary. It may not be what you want to hear, but I think you have to make some difficult choices here.

    Ask yourself, is my relationship with my ex, worth losing my relationship with my wife and new family?

    Do I want to give my marriage the best possible chance at surviving?

    Do I love my wife enough to let go of talking to and loving my ex?

    If you answer no to any of these 3 questions, with or without conditions, then you should know that your marriage will be on its a way to crash and burn. Your wife would have to miraculously suddenly become a whole new person in order to stop the jealousy, fear and drama. You have to be honest with yourself and admit that a part of you is fearful of letting go of your past, either from trepidation for the future, or unresolved feelings. Either way, it's time to make some big boy hard decisions and start getting your love life on the track you want it. Otherwise, you're just wasting yours and everyone else's time.

    The balls in your court. Love her or leave her.

    I wish you luck


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What Girls Said 3

  • A relationship can't work if the foundation is rocky and it seems to me your wife has trust issues. It won't get better if you guys don't go to counseling. I say go to conseling because its harder for a person to hear something from the person they distrust. When someone neutral is in the picture then it helps. Its been a year before you throw in the towel make sure you have exhausted all other options. Secondly she has to make you feel comfortable as the man in your home. Her boys really should not disrespect you in your own home. As long as you aren't abusive to them she should loosen up and let you help her raise them. The book titled fireproof is a good one for marriages in disarray and there is also a movie to compliment the book

  • Its is obviously not a secret her checking your phone, a women only becomes paranoid if you give her a reson to be or if she has previously been cheated on( which is bang out order if she's taking it out on you) however if you truly do care for her I suggest you grin and bear it because it' ll be worth it, you would never have married her if you didnt, however if it is a complete ball ache maybe you need some time appart sometimes living with loads of people can be overbearing especially if your a ladies man

  • What first attracted you to her in the first place?

    Maybe you should go get some proper counseling help with this.

    GAG is not a good place for serious advice and from what you are describing here it's a serious situation.

    Children can be very very challenging and I imagine it's worse when they are not even yours.

    It's normal that she would be concerned about infidelity because it's very very common.

    Though two people need to be able to trust one another.

    Good luck. I suggest some real couple counseling if you want the relationship to work out.


What Guys Said 5

  • The fact that her kids are disrespectful is no real wonder. My best friend's mother divorced when he was 9, and two years later she got with her now husband. I remember the situation was very complicated between the new dad and my best friend. It only went better after quite a few years, so prepare yourself to endure miscommunications until you are accepted by them as a father.

    What is really your problem here is that your wife doesn't trust you. For this you will have to see a counselor, if you can't sort it out together. Of course, the easy solution is divorce; it's up to you.

  • In my opinion, your relationship is doomed... There is no trust between her and you, her boys don't respect you (it's her role to make them being polite towards you, at least), and you fight all the time.

    I'm sure you can feel that it's hopeless.

    I'm sorry dude, but I believe that you should just get the hell away, and find yourself a child free new girlfriend. It will be 10 times easyier !

  • You don't say anything in this post that leads me to believe that you WANT to be in this relationship. Obviously, it's a delicate situation with her being a mother, and you need to be respectful and not make her life terrible by being immature or selfish. That doesn't mean that this marriage is what is best for either of you.

    Of course, you may just be venting in this post. I would talk to someone objective. Counseling would be best, but even an emotionally intelligent friend would be helpful. Whatever you end up doing, you need to straighten out your priorities and either be in this marriage because you love it or leave it because it isn't healthy.

  • do it. For your well being do it. your both unhappy. just end the pain already. you don`t want this .

  • Hope for the best!?

    What is the best case scenario to come out of this? And what hope is there?

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