Mother is threatening me with information she has about me.

My mother moved away without telling me or my dad. Basically I don't know where she's living now, and my dad is buried in debt because of her.

She did some things that I felt were very wrong (like stealing things from the house), so I just didn't even have the guts to talk to her for two weeks.

So finally, yesterday I texted her about some stuff she left here.

Among many rude things she said, she asked if my dad knew about me being engaged. The thing is, my boyfriend proposed to me a month ago and we decided to keep it a secret, as my family is very complicated. It's our right to choose when to tell people, and we chose to keep it quiet for some months. However, my mom heard us once, so she knew.

She was very supportive, but now that she realized I don't support her choices, she's threatening saying it to my father.

Me and my boyfriend don't want him to know because we want to take the engagement slowly, and my dad would just pressure us very much.

What should I do? I was already so stressed, and this is making me even worse!


Most Helpful Guy

  • I have got to wonder what would drive a mother to BLACKMAIL her own daughter like that. It is horrible to say the least.

    I obviously do not know you father, but could you tell me a little bit about his personality?

    What if you were entirely honest with him. Hear me out here, if you told him that your mom is blackmailing you because she knows this, do you think he would feel some sympathy for you? Would he agree to do things your way?

    If not, then I have the following question: What is your mom trying to accomplish. Why is she threatening to tell this to your father?

    I am shocked by this story, honestly. I find it absolutely repulsive that a mother would do something like this. Also, your father should have more respect for you and your decisions. You shouldn't be afraid to tell him anything.

    Do you have a family member who is able to handle this situation? Perhaps a aunt or uncle? Or even the parents of your boyfriend! You shouldn't have to deal with this, especially not on your own.

    If you have any questions, please ask them! :)

    • My father gets along with my boyfriend, but I am an only child, so my dad is very overprotective. Also, my dad doesn't trust people very much.

      I also have huge trust/rejection issues, so exposing myself like that by announcing the world I'm engaged is very scary to me.

      My family is very complicated and don't approve my boyfriend (he's 7 years old, tho people can barely notice the difference), so telling them this would even make everything worse.

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What Guys Said 3

  • What's worse? Letting her blackmail you so that this nasty bitch can cause more damage to your family and home, and ultimately ruin you folks later, or your dad finding out your engaged? Weigh those options. Personally if I were in your place, I'd tell your dad, and take away her power. Don't let her toy with you like this.

  • Tell your father that you are engaged, but are planning a long engagement - there is no rush to get married.

  • You should tell your father, and tell him why you didn't want to tell him. And then you've disarmed your mothers threat.

    That's more important right now than trying to keep secrets from your father.

    If you can't have an adult conversation with your father about how he needs to not pressure you guys, then you're too young to be engaged in the first place.


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