She's blaming me for her stuff, how do I get her back?

My best friend is a married woman (I'm divorced and single). Her husband has talked her into having an open marriage, and this has strained their marriage. She has a sexually abusive past, so this open marriage has totally messed her up. Now she's struggling with relationships with a couple of other guys, some "approved" by her husband and some not.

I've been helping her work through this and try to recover her marriage, but we've also gotten a little emotionally attached to each other, never physically, just hanging out and texting a lot. But now she has cut me off totally, saying her emotional attachment to me is worse than the physical relations with these guys because they don't matter. She's started talking to these guys almost purposely in my view and said she is prepared for the consequences of whatever she does.

She doesn't want to be friends with me anymore, saying I've messed her up and am distracting her from focusing on her husband, though she's addicted to her other relationships. She's treating me like I'm the bad guy in all this.

I just want our friendship back. There's a fine line here with what's appropriate, but her husband is also causing her a lot of the problem. He's not affectionate to her and even pushes her away. They're headed for divorce unless a lot changes. My friend says she's going to get professional counseling, but I don't know for sure, and they've tried marital counseling before without success. And she's continuing and maybe increasing her relations with other guys.

I don't feel like I'm really the bad guy here and may be her only help right now. Besides the persons involved, I'm the only one she's told about their open marriage. She doesn't have other friends or family to turn to she can trust.

My question is how can we get our friendship back now that she's cut me off, and how can I help her get out of this adulterous situation she and her husband are in? Or am I just gonna have to wait and helplessly watch her crash and burn?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think she needs to order her mind. I can't understand why she put herself in that position. She has a lot to clarify: The marriage, all the relationships to all the other guys and you. To get a clear mind she needs some space. I don't know why she is holding on to that marriage, when it seems so hard, but after all she is going through she might be confused with her feeling. Let her things figure out. I would wait a couple of weeks and than try to talk to her again- maybe she will call you before. But there is nothing you can do at the moment. Maybe she really needs to crash down, so she is finally recognizing in which situation she is right now.


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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 2

  • You can't do anything. Just watch her from the sidelines.

  • "Or am I just gonna have to wait and helplessly watch her crash and burn?"

    Pretty much. You don't have much of a choice in this, and it's really not any of your business in the first place. Stop feeling responsible for this woman, because you're not. She's a big girl, and she can make her own decisions.

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