Why won't he hugg me anymore?

I am really very depressed. Dating since : 2 years.

Made out a lot of times. All the cute things too.

Age : 17. Both of us. I am just older than him like 3 months.

He keeps teasing me all the time and once went like I will marry someone younger than me. Well I felt bad cause he has always said that i.am the one for him (not that i care about marriage). So I went like we have made out so many time and not even sure aboit each other.he said okay so we will NOT INTERACT PHYSIYCALLY till marriage. I went like I can't live without hugging you. I was sick today and said I need a hugg.. He said no. He didn't hugg me. I got tears and cried he asked me to stop and when I didn't he said : to hell with you. And WALKED AWAY.


Most Helpful Guy

  • This all sounds like an awful experience, QA. You're clearly very serious about your feelings, which sadly is quite a rare thing, especially for people your age, and you got hurt because this guy you've been dating is acting like a jackass.

    What's going on here is: the guy's playing games with your feelings, and in a terrible manner. What he's doing, is deliberately making you feel bad for being so serious about your feelings. The fact is that he doesn't want to be serious and more importantly, he thinks neither of you SHOULD BE, and that normative point of view is how he's justifying his behavior. I won't go into detail about why he doesn't want to be serious, because there are a lot of sociological, cultural and psychological factors to consider, but I will tell you that what he's doing is experiencing a manner of discomfort and placing all responsibility for that with you.

    Now, don't get me wrong, I do think that you may have made him feel pressured to be as serious about it as you are, and I think it would be wise for you to look back at your own actions to see if you've been unfair to him prior to this escalation of events, BUT do NOT let that guilt trip you into taking on all the blame. He's being a d*ck, and you should seriously consider whether you want to be with someone who would use signs of affection as bargaining chips in a relationship.

    My advice is the following: try to sit down and have an open and honest conversation with him. If there's anything you feel guilty for doing, then start with apologizing for that. This way he'll be more likely to listen to what you have to say, and you'll be showing that you want to communicate openly and honestly.

    Once you've done that, you'll need to start talking about why what happened happened. You need to explain yourself and ask questions, so he can properly explain himself too. It's very important that you be understanding here. Don't take the easy way and simply chalk up his actions to being 'irrational'. He did the things he did for a reason. Everything anybody does is understandable, but do remember that an explanation isn't necessarily an excuse. Just because someone's actions were understandable doesn't mean they were right.

    Finally and most importantly, if he refuses to communicate openly and honestly or is at any point unfair to you when you are trying to be fair to him, and sadly I think this is not unlikely at all, you need to gather up your courage and make the very hard decision to walk away from him, to end things completely. I know how hard that would be, and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't follow up on this part of my advice, but if you can, do it.

    Don't try to make him jealous afterward, don't try to communicate anymore AT ALL unless HE tries to and he genuinely means to be open and honest. If he really cares, he will come after you, and if he doesn't he was never worth it. Expect the worst, hope for the best.

    I wish you the best of luck.

    • Thankyouu so much :)

      it is just that he is

      NEVER going to understand how I feel. Guess what? he said he will kiss me on my cheeks. I said no, I did this because he is crazy about my cheeks and I stopped him cause he can't care about my feelings, I can't either. He said okay.

      Also he said that we can fantasize about each other and all the hugging etc things. I said lol I don't need to because it won't be real so no point of fantasizing and wanting you more. I don't know where my rshp is going anymore.

    • Well you know that this is something you want from relationships, for someone to give you affection. You should talk to him about that. Don't demand it, just say that if it's not something he's willing to give you then perhaps you're simply not compatible.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Obviously he doesn't seem to care about you that much, but there's not much you can do until you feel better, or he comes around, I think you should try giving him a second chance, but if he refuses to help you, let go of him

    • is there any point of being in a relationship where my feelings aren't considered?

      obviously no. what if he needs space? God I am confused.

    • Like I said you should talk to him about it

  • It sounds like he doesn't like the "stupid games" you're playing. Plenty of guys are like this at that age.

    For example - thinking the person you're dating at 17 is the person you're going to marry, is dumb and unrealistic. He is clearly mocking this idea when he says he will marry an older person. But he doesn't know that this mockery will hurt you.

    You reacted by getting upset and from his point of view, starting an argument with him.

    And then when it backfired on you, you cry to get your own way. (At least that is how he sees it.) He doesn't realize you're crying because you needed a hug and he (as the boyfriend) didn't step up. He doesn't understand the rejection you felt. He just sees it as girl crying to get her own way.

    He's 17. He's going to make mistakes in how to deal with you, because he doesn't understand girls properly yet. Just like you'll make mistakes in how to deal with him.

    • if he didn't want to play gams he wouldn't be playing games. your response makes no sense because the guy is the one who brought marriage up in the first place. nor anything about being 'the one'. its unnecssary to be discussing that stuff that soon. and if he didn't want to plAy gams he'd say what he wanted, didn't want. not play idiotic gams about not being physical till marriage when he's making fun of it in the first place,

      and he knows se wanted a hg because she TOLD him. its not confusing

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    • QA, please read the answer again - it's because he doesn't understand. Just like you don't understand.

      You can't say he will never understand - I was that ignorant once. So were lots of guys. We all learned, eventually. So will you. So will he.

    • I'm sorry answerer, but you're fooling yourself if you think you understand.

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