How long is too long to wait for a proposal?

I been in a commitment relationship for 8 years. We both been are committed and discuss the future and both want the same thing. Although it was never in crazy detail, I feel we still have things we work on. My friend got married one year ago and recently his brothers got engage. Before this marriage is not on my mind but It seem like I'm getting bombarded by it. People keep asking why I'm not marriage. .its starting to get to me and think there's something wrong with me. I got interview for something and the older fellow said " you got a b/f, you seem like a nice girl, why didn't he propose? " recently my friend ask me again...I feel so awkward. that his brother is in engaged...I'm starting to be bothered by it...we discuss things and both want to grow old together. ...I hate feeling this way. .. Why won't he and what's wrong with me? I don't think we are ready for it ... But Damn it's thrown in my face. to handle this?

Thanks you for the answers! They are all good prospective from guys and girls. All these answer helped. Yes, I have become insecure with all the people's questions. I don't want to get married yet, And before that I just thought it's just some piece of paper. We have discuss wedding before and both felt it was ridicules to spend so much. I feel pressured, so bombarded by these constant questions and I think it got to me.Consciously it there and I'm confused still since my thoughts on it change


Most Helpful Guy

  • Oh I can write a book about this topic.

    Essentially, it boils down to the fundamental dynamics of courtship - it's the men's role to do the chasing, it's the woman's role to convince him to settle down. Right now, he's with you and things are working well. There is a balance in his life where he is happy and you are happy.

    But look at marriage from his perspective. It's expensive, the wedding is a lot of work and planning just for a glorified party, and a lot of men are complaining (rightfully or not) that they're getting whipped. Regardless of what you think, these are valid reasons for him to not want to disturb the balance you guys already have.

    Consciously or not, there's a scale on his head with one side listing the pros and one side the cons of marriage. What you have to do is to figure out what these pros and cons are, and tip the scale to your favor.

    • Please do! make lots of sense thx

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What Guys Said 2

  • That was a weird, somewhat inappropriate comment that the interviewer made. And, well, I guess that I'll say it; if it's really been 8 years and you and he aren't ready yet, you nor he ever will be. This probably has nothing to do with you. This most likely has to do with him. Maybe he just doesn't want to marry anyone for any reason.

    • I agree with the other guy that, if you can live with him happily without marriage, then that's all that matters. Place your happiness above the opinions of others. However, I get the feeling from the tone of your question that you really want a wedding day and a marriage, and are only rationalizing that you aren't ready as an excuse not to confront the issue. If I'm right, then it's probably time that you start considering moving on.

    • @among apple - yes it is weird and awkard and RUDE with so many people bugging you about it. I do, eventually in the future...I don't think I'm rationalize not to as an excuse. We are NOT ready and have lots of growing up to do and things to work on and out. Thanks for your answer. I do agree with everyone.

  • Just because he hasn't asked, doesn't mean he doesn't want to be with you.

    You can't compare him with his brother... because he's not.

    Not everyone believes that marriage is the utmost proof of how committed someone is. I don't. Married people cheat, too. You say marriage wasn't on your mind until people asked about your status with him? As long as you two have been together, it doesn't seem like you care too much about marriage; instead, what people think of your relationship with your boyfriend. Their comments has made you insecure.

    • doesn't. ...Oops I wasn't trying to compare...I meant to point out the engagement as another bombarding of marriage. Great answer! Thanks!

What Girls Said 1

  • Ask him.

    I know how you feel. I've had 12 friends get engaged over the past month and I'm just sitting there next to my boyfriend twiddling my thumbs like, "Hey...babe? Yeah, 'member when those two met? Yeah, we'd been dating for two years at that point. They dated for four and are now engaged...what's wrong with this picture?" lol Though to be fair to him, he HAS promised me a ring and a wedding and we ARE in our early 20's so it's not HORRIBLE but I do get the whole "getting to you" thing when it comes to friends getting engaged before you. It sucks. A lot.

    Have you ever mentioned an engagement or your views on marriage? I know you've mentioned growing old together but in today's society that doesn't automatically mean marriage.

    • Yes, even of it wasn't top priority but when you're bombarded by gets to you. I have discuss went from I think it's stupid when I was younger to...maybe it's not that stupid. ..

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