When can you bring up the topic of marriage in a relationship?

Me and my boyfriend have only been dating for a little while (10 months), but I can really see a future with him and I kinda suspect that he can too (I asked him where he saw himself in 5 years - career wise - and he told me with me.. it kinda took me aback and actually made me speechless, but I thought it was sweet. He stares at me with loving eyes like he wants to tell me something a lot too and when I ask him what it is he just says "not yet, I want to tell you, but it's too soon. I just.. I just love you so much").

I personally don't believe in getting married before I have my bachelor's degree so I mean I'm not in a rush to get married now (I couldn't. My mother would KILL me. She got married at my age and she regrets it although she only dated my dad for 3 months long distance, but that's a story for another time) and I also plan on being engaged for at least a year when it does happen, but I'm kinda wondering timeline-wise when it's okay to start brainstorming about it. A year? Two? When does it become socially acceptable to use the M-word?

Update: So, the other night we were cuddling and looking at the stars to I looked him in his eyes and said "I want to be with you forever" it was a very emotional moment for us both. Had a very proposal-y feel like a pre-proposal lol.
I saw him cry for the first time and he held me tightly until we both fell asleep. We're on the same page and he said he's been wanting to bring it up for a while, but has been holding out.
Thank you everyone for your advice ^_^


Most Helpful Girl

  • While I'm not saying bring it up on the first date, it is something to think about. You should talk about marriage and what someone wants in a future in broad strokes in the beginning ie- one day I'd like to get married and have kids.
    Because some people don't want that, some never want marriage or never want kids, or want them 10-20 years down the line depending on age.
    If their are deal breaks the sooner the better to know them.
    But talking specifically about marriage to your boyfriend? Well that's different completely and no one can tell you the exact time but logically it would be after the whole I love yous happen. Like the song goes, first comes love, then comes marriage...
    It does sound like both of you want to talk about it and both of you are feeling that way. Think of this my grandparents were married after 3 months and through thick and thin have been married for 57 years. That's how the older generation worked, you for someone you love, you got married and you fought for that relationship, you made it work. You picked someone that made you happy and you stuck it out. So a lot of people might tell you 10 months is too soon. And someone people might say you can get married now. Who knows how long any marriage will last. You gotta do what makes you happy and it sounds like he does :)

    • We've talked about if and when we want to get married (he said around 21 ish.. me after I finish school so yeah we'll be 21-22 depending on if I take summer classes or not this summer) and he wants 2 kids (or at least he says he does.. every time we see a cute little girl in the store he asks if we can adopt her lol.. so I think I may be able to push him to 3, but if not I'm fine with 2) so there's no deal breakers there.
      I think we're on the right track now. We've talked about moving in together next year and we're going to transfer to the same school together.
      I was just wondering when it's ok to start making plans which are longer than a year out.

    • Whenever you want :P but some long term plans might shift or change. Many do, it's natural. So you also must take things as they come :)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • My parents got married after they'd known each other for 2 years. I thinks that's bullshitingly too soon. I think it's good that you want to wait, so if you want my advice just put it from your mind for a while. You're with your boyfriend, you're both in love. There's plenty of time to worry about putting a ring on it later on. Give it couple years.

  • as long as you can. if it's to the point where you just can't take it anymore and you need to talk about it, go ahead but i mean, you shouldn't be talking about it on the first date for example. that would not only scare him, he would go tell all his friends that you want marriage realllllly soon. its ok to want marriage, ya know? i mean to be able to spend your life with the one you "truly love" and i put that in quotes to stress the IDEA of true love. but, there's a point where it's like, really? Now? Yikes...i haven't even done half the things on my bucket list etc...

  • Forget society. Do what's right for you guys.

  • Whenever it's right for you and your partner.


What Girls Said 1

  • Id say when you both are ready to talk about it, but you should really let him bring it up first.

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