How do I hang out with my friends with an overprotective parent?

My mom is super over protective and I understand why she is because some people in this world are psychos and just evil. But I never get to hang out with my friends and I'm like the friend who has to flake on my other friends because my mom won't let me hang out. by the way, I'm 23 but I don't have a car or place of my own yet so I'm living with my mom. I just moved back from school where I had a dorm/apartment. I graduated and I'm currently working but not making a lot so I have to save up to get my master's degree next. When I was living there on my own, I could do so much more! But now that I'm back home again, I'm being treated like a 16 year old again. Anyway, I've spent 364 days this year with family and tmrw I want to go hang out with my friends for new year's eve and stay at their place. Trust me when I say I've only been out a total of 7 times this whole year to hang out with my friends because my mom is just super protective. It's rather annoying. Every time I try to hang out, mom gives me an ultimatum like don't go or I'll kick you out of the house forever or some ish like that. Well I'm just like eff it now because I want to go out and do something fun besides go to church or spend it with family every year. Although I do like to go to church, I don't like going to other people's churches all the time because their churches are boring but mom's going to a guest church and I don't want to be bored. so my friends are begging me to come out with them tmrw to go hang out, shop, go to a parade and stuff. I told my mom and she was like heck no! You're going to church no exceptions. I told her no and that I'm going to hang out with my friends because I go to church with her every year and this is the first year I'll actually get to hang out with friends this year and that I'm old enough to take care of myself. My boyfriend is also going to church too but he goes to a different church but I'll be sad because I won't get to celebrate with him. But this is something I've always wanted to do: hang out with friends and bring in the new year with them! It's always been me and my family celebrating new years and it's fun but every year is kinda boring. Like my mom doesn't want any of my friends coming along she just wants to celebrate new years with me and the rest of the family. But this year, it's just going to be me, my little bro, and my mom's friends celebrating but I said no. My mom doesn't want me to get drunk and get arrested or anything so she never wants me to hang out with people. I'm not going to drink or if I do, I'll just drink one shot that whole night, but if my friends get in trouble or something, I have a backup plan just in case I need a place to stay or a friend to pick me up. And I know how to not get drunk in public as I can handle my liquor. Ugh but I've never been the one to stand up against my mom and my mom's guilt tripping me and giving me effin ultimatums to make me stay and I don't want to because it's going to be friggin boring again with just her and my bro.

Updates:
I'd definitely move out if I had the money to do so, but I have to use up the money I earn to help her pay the bills and sh*t.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • As someone who had to move back home briefly due to a bad job sitch and my lease being up all you can do is live by their rules. As long as you don't pay rent whatever they say goes. I never did anything they didn't allow the entire year I lived there and I was 29. So either deal or move out. And trust me I missed my sleepovers with my man and my alcohol, but it wasn't allowed so I did without both for a year. Plus since you don't have a car you can't take yourself anywhere so either take care of the situation and be a grown up or go by the rules and act like one.

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    • I've gone a whole year without hanging out with any friends, 364 days! I'm pretty sure you had more freedom than I do. My mom is just super paranoid. Won't let me go out with any friends unless she knows them, meets them first at least 3 times and they have to eat dinner and go to church with us first before I can actually hang out. Or she has to at least know their parents.

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    • I only gave myself $20 every pay check and the rest was either saved or went to pay bills or gas for work.

    • I saved $100 so far. I spent most of it on Christmas this year. I'll start doing that too. Wish me luck.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Get a place of your own. Do whatever it takes to do it. Be financially independent as soon as you can and tell her to mind her own business.

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What Girls Said 4

  • You're gonna have to buck your mom's rules and go for yours.she's using that fear to control you.she's not gonna kick you out and leave you homeless, she wants you to fear that so you stay st home and under her thumb

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  • Kind of in the same position...Try to talk to her about it. But for the most part, any major stuff you just have to respect until you can get on your feet. Just work your ass off. Your education is important and life will be better in the long run if you stay at home until you have everything together. Like I said, find some kind of middle ground. Open up and tell her how you feel.

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    • Talking doesn't help because she gives ultimatums instead. Do this or get out. That's how the convo goes. She doesn't know how to talk to me or my siblings. So my aunt has to help out and mediate. My aunt talked to me today and she basically explained that my mom didn't want me to go because she doesn't want me to get killed by drunk drivers. Mom never said that, she just said no you're not going or I'm kicking you out for good. Doesn't help when mom always gives you friggin attitude for hanging out.

  • ur mom is a bit more extreme than my mom but I'm with u. since you do have income can you move in with a friend? and help them pay some rent? I'm trying to move out myself

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    • No I have no friends here. All my friends that were here moved to different cities. I would move in with a co-worker, but I'd need to know them at least longer than 6 months. I've been working with them for 3 months.

    • I mean I have friends, but they're my co-workers and I haven't known them long enough to move in with them. All my old friends who were here moved to different cities and states.

    • ohh well you better get closer to them if you wana try and move out. me and my guy are trying to do the same. my mom won't me do a lot of thins and I'm 24

  • Move out.

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