We Had Sex, Why is He Now Acting Different?

I met this guy three years ago when we worked at the mall. Apparently he liked me (I didn't know this), and I was telling him to go out with one of my co-workers.



Anyways, he moved to Florida two years ago, but would every once in a while would contact me on Facebook to see how I was doing. He would tell me to come to Florida to visit and would show me around. It ended up that he would be in town for the holidays this year, so I gave him my number so we could hang out. He ended up being a pretty cool dude. We pretty much would talk to each other all day everyday and he would tell me good morning everyday. We had great conversation. He also kept asking me to come to Florida to spend New Year's with him (I couldn't because I hate flying and I didn't have off work those days). We talked about sex a few times, but we never made it a big deal.



We hang out and its really chill and cool. We had good conversation and towards the end of the night we started making out. It got hot and heavy, so I basically asked him if he wanted to have sex, he said yes and we did. Now to me, sex isn't a big deal so I didn't think that we wouldn't be cool afterward. He goes back to Florida and we texted the next two days, him saying that I need to come to Florida, but after that nothing. He didn't even say Happy New Years to me (but wanted to spend News Years with me ).



I'm annoyed because I thought he was a cool dude and I thought we would still be cool after. I wasn't trying to be in a relationship with him or anything, but I did enjoy his personality and conversation and I thought we had a genuine connection.



Also, why would he spend all that time trying to get to know me, talking to me everyday,wanting me to come to Florida when he can have sex and hang with people in Florida where he lives? It doesn't make sense that he would put forth the effort for someone who doesn't live in the same state for just sex.



Any thoughts?



(I know I could ask him, but I'm trying to decide if its worth it to ask).


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Maybe he's a jerk, maybe it was revenge, etc. All the bad things you're thinking of. They're all possible.

    But IMO, it's more likely that he has feelings for you still, and those were made stronger by having sex with you, but now he realizes that he lives far away from you and won't be seeing you much at all, and that's difficult for him to deal with. Having sex with you has made it ten times harder to be away from you, but he IS away from you, and probably can't change that. So, the more contact he has with you, the more his feelings about you are going to get stirred up, and the more pain he will feel, because as bad as he wants you, he can't HAVE you due to the distance (setting aside the issue of whether you'd actually date him or not).

    The way most guys deal with that kind of pain is by breaking all contact. It allows them to heal and get their head together. It would probably be very different if he lived close by and you could date, but that's not the case, and so I do think he's struggling with his desire to be with you vs. the fact that he won't be able to due to the distance.

    Girls need to know that if they sleep with someone who has feelings for them, it alters the relationship forever, and usually once the sex stops, the relationship is over forever. Thus, you shouldn't sleep with a guy if you just want to be friends with him; that won't work.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I've known a thousand men who'll travel miles just for sex.

    Some men just want to have sex, but not relationships. That's why girls have much to risk when they decide to sleep with a man.

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  • Sex usually does end up changing a lot of things...

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