Girlfriend doesn't always express her feelings verbally, should I be worried?

We've been in a relationship for 4 months. And we've hung out A LOT because we go to the same college.

Not sure if this is normal, but she mentioned to me before how awesome she thinks it is that I'm open about anything. She says she's terrible at talking about stuff because she keeps things to herself (sex talks, relationship, etc.). Like she's not open about it as her personality. She's not good at it.

So I guess it's different for every girl, but like tonight I said I wish I could sleep (cuddle) with her tonight. Now she lives an hour away. But I was just saying it because I miss her. She hasn't consistently been one to say, while on the phone, that she wishes it too, misses me, etc. But she'll say it over text very easily.

So maybe she's not comfortable with saying that stuff in person. I can understand because I used to be that way.

But she may not understand that I feel uncomfortable when she won't talk to me back about it. It may sound a little needy, but I like to hear that she feels the same way sometimes.

I stop myself from saying things because I sort of feel like crap when she can't express herself verbally to me. Like I put myself out there and don't get much back.

I understand I should appreciate that her actions show more than what she verbally says, but what should I do?

Should I just tone it down (I barely even say that stuff) overall?

Anyone have this type of experience?


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What Girls Said 2

  • I can relate because I have a hard time saying cutesy things to guys and expressing myself on an emotionally intimate level because it leaves me vulnerable. The second I admit it to the guy, I am able to get hurt that much more, and feel ridiculous and 'broken' if anything bad were to happen between us.

    I think it would help if you just let her know how her not expressing herself to you verbally makes you feel and that it'd be nice if she could cue you in once in a while. Comfort her and assure her that you want to hear how she's feeling and it'll help your relationship grow. Make her feel safe with you. Should help out :)

    Best of luck!

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  • Read that book the Five Love Languages. It explains a lot. Contrary to popular belief, not all girls are adept at feeling and expressing their emotions. A lot of households do not encourage this type of self-actualization. She may be holding back from fear of being hurt, or she may just be accustomed to keeping herself private. I think that gently getting her used to expressing herself is the way to go. Also, letting her know how much you appreciate verbal expressions of caring. The book explains a lot about how you teach each other to show love in various ways.

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