We know each other a long time, liked each other for a year, and about to start dating. Why didn't he act soon

Plain and simple? There's been a lot of chemistry and attraction between us for a long time now, about a year. And we both know what was going on. I gave several very green lights, and others around us including his friends noticed and made comments about us being a couple. But still - nothing. No move from him. Until now. Which is great (dont get me wrong) - but I'm just wondering - why drag it out? We know each other about 4 years and have a lot of respect and trust between us. I'm just worried that his "putting it off" for so long and not pouncing sooner is an issue or a red flag of somekind. I usually approach new relationships quite casually and I don't take them too seriously until it warrants it. But this has me a bit worried.

Updates:
Ok to clarify - I said I gave green lights (read the question properly) - this includes giving my number and suggesting we go out . But he never responded. Please stop throwing abuse at me for not making a move. I did. Several times. Thanks.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • He could've been thinking the same thing, why didn't you make a move? Maybe he wanted to wait to be sure or make sure his feelings wouldn't fade after a couple of months. Because if he acted when he started to feel things for you, chances are his feelings could've been gone after a couple of months, so maybe he wanted to be sure about his feelings first?

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What Guys Said 4

  • Why didn't you?

    The reality is that most guys have no greater fear than being rejected by a girl they like, but society more-or-less puts all the responsibility and risk on the man. He has to find the courage to ask the girl, and the girl can then choose. Many times, girls are very cruel about how they turn a guy down, and a lot of guys are totally crushed by that. (Yes, sometimes guys are just douche bags, and it's necessary.)

    Guys that are popular/attractive/"good with girls" learned early that they shouldn't take this rejection personally, and don't, but most guys simply don't have much experience asking out girls, and usually what little experience they DO have resulted in rejection.

    If you had to, say, work up the courage to get in a bikini and parade around in front of the school, and every time you had to do that, a bunch of guys called you fat or ugly or whatever, how quick would you be to do it again? That's how many guys feel about asking out a girl: terrified.

    Most guys need a LOT of very, very CLEAR signs from the girl that she's interested before they're willing to take the risk. Even when the girl thinks she's being totally obvious, the guy usually assumes that she's "just flirting" and "couldn't possibly be interested in ME". You can't drop hints, you have to drop atom bombs, or he either won't notice or won't believe that your "signals" actually mean something positive about him.

    And as I said from the beginning, there was nothing stopping YOU from asking HIM, and since you didn't, you can't complain that he didn't ask you earlier either.

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    • No offense to Crystalminds, but I thought this answer was more informative.

    • Yes but it doesn't answer the Qn. I said the guy knew clearly I was interested. This answer doesn't address that

  • I don't know I'm A.D.D and do not really pick up on a womens obvious signals sometimes or dident use to maybe he dident know and was thinking the same thing you were why dident she make a move?

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  • in the question you said "about to start dating" ...therefor the answer is simple...maybe he wasn't ready?!

    you did the whole 9 yards, if he didn't respond back, then tell him "so long cowboy" ...

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What Girls Said 1

  • Would you mind saying what these green flags were? Because there is a chance he missed them and thought his friends were taking the piss(a small chance though)-or he could be confused as to why you didn't make a move on him.

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  • Dating and a relationship are two different things. You said in your question that you two are about to start dating and dating is not exclusive. Meaning him and you can date other people. You two are dating when you are getting to know each other romantically. You two are not in a relationship, that is what it sounds like

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    • We know each other a long time, there is no “getting to know you“ phase for us. if we start dating it'll be starting on a fairly serious note. The Qn I was asking was why didn't he initiate the dating earlier.

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    • *ex girlfriend. And if the chemistry is there them its there. Don't question the past. Chemistry is chemistry no matter what

    • Thanks a lot, that makes sense alright. Ironic 2 of the most helpful answers are from girls, and not the guys.

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