Utterly confused: what does he feel about me?

I met this guy last month over the holidays when we shared a cab. On the night we met, he immediately texted me afterward and there hasn't been a day since when he hasn't texted me. Just a week after we met, we're basically always holed up in his place all the time, cooking, watching movies. He's made me watch Star Wars too. He also asked to spend New Year's with me, and our planned night-out was a disaster because everything was closed. We ended up ringing in the new year in his apartment - me making a makeshift meal, and he kissed me at exactly midnight. After eating, we were watching star wars in bed, him laying on my chest, and he said out of nowhere that he's very content right now because we were watching star wars, he was full, and because I was running my hand through his hair.

My problem is that it's been almost 2 months and it's still not clear what we are. On the first night that we officially went out, I kind of got tipsy but I could have sworn that he asked if I could be his girlfriend. I pretended that I didn't hear, but then he said that he wanted me to be sober when I answered. But he hasn't asked it again since and we've never talked about it.

This month he went back to the States because he needed to arrange some tax forms. He hadn't been there and seen his family in 3 years, but he stayed for all of 3 weeks. I have a history of having Before Sunrise-esque whirlwind romances so I was traumatized already by people leaving. I actually broke down in bed the night before he left but he said he'll be back before I knew it. He also e-mailed me the moment he landed there. On the night when we saw each other again after his return, there was something different. In the dark, he laid on top of me, both of us were clothed, and he slowly kissed my lips, then my nose, then my forehead. And he also ran his fingers through my hair and my cheeks. But he didn't undress me at all.. He'd never done those things before.

I don't know... What does he feel about me?
SO. I asked him what he thinks we have & what he expects from me, because sometimes I don't know how to act around him anymore and I can't just be his f-buddy. He said that he doesn't think of me as his f-buddy but he also doesn't want to pretend that he's ready to commit to a person right now. But he said that if I hook up w other guys then we have no future. I don't get it: wasn't he the one who texted me everyday? Asked to spend new year w me? Email me when he was away? WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?
He's messed up. When I made an impromptu trip because I was burnt out, he insisted that the only reason why I made that trip was to hook up with guys. I said I wouldn't and when I came back I texted, saying that I kept my word. He said the problem wasn't if I'd do it and if he'd believe me but that I left the opportunity for it to happen.

But whenever I text, arguing about the relationship, he responds right away and we'd have drawn-out arguments. If he really doesn't want anything, why bother?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Sounds to me like you've got something special, he just really respects you, sounds like a decent guy ! He clearly knows how "traumatized" you are as you've already said and he's just been really respectful, focusing on your emotions instead of just the physical side of things. I think if you want to speed things up a little then speak to him, I'm sure he will understand your confusion.

    Im positive he really likes you, really really likes you. If you want anything more to happen next time your in that situation then why don't you make the move to take things further :P

    Speak to him, ask him exactly what you've asked us. I don't think you should worry about him not liking you though !

    • Haha, your response makes me very very confident about our thing. Thanks so much :) I think the problem is with me... I get too paranoid that he doesn't like me, and that he'll be gone like everyone else... I realize that every time he's dropped hints, I freeze in the moment in my negative thoughts that I have never given him any response at all. Sigh...

    • Please see my update.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Straight up ask. Get it together before you do anything further. It wasn't until I was almost 36 that I found my self confidence and could handle situations like this. If you feel uncomfortable talking then take a step back and just date him for a few months...you know, no couches or bedrooms, just dinner or a fun activity. Lighten it up. If it is meant to be you won't ever need to ask a why

    • Please see my update :(

  • It sounds like he likes you but his behavior when he got back seems harder to decider. Why not just straight out ask him when you're next together? It's always a good idea before asking a question like that too to be sure of exactly what you want out of the situation -> if you don't get it you always have plenty of options and I think it is usually better to know exactly where you stand.

    • Wouldn't it be weird or aggressive to ask though?

    • Nah, a lot of girls have been very direct with me. If you phrase it like "what are your feelings about us?" "Or what do you think about me?" It isn't as aggressive as asking if he loves you or not and you are not backing him into a corner where he needs to commit to anything definite - just getting the clarity you need to know where you stand.

    • Please see my update :(

  • He really likes you. You should ask him what do you think about us. And start doing some things together to get to know each other as well.

    • Please see my update :(

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