Is it pathetic that I feel this way?

Ok. I'm 20. When I was in high school, there was a kid there that I sat by everyday at class and at lunch. He didn't think much of me at all, because back then I was socially awkward - unlike now.

I admired him, as he seemed to have everything.

- He's in great physical shape (and he practiced in muay thai / mma for years),

- He was far more intelligent than most of us (Even though his grades didn't reflect that), capable of deep opinions that suggested a strong indepdent mind

- Good looking, had a charm about him that attracted popularity and a character that commanded respect. Great storyteller that kept everyone captivated.

- He dated a lot of very attractive girls (and I've seen them, it's true). Like dozens.

- He's 20 now. He lives alone at his own place, independent. Studies and works. He has a really nice car.

- He's had a ton of life experiences from vacations (he went tons of places), parties, fights, sports, etc,

He was shallow, superficial, a little bit elitist, alpha-male, social darwinist/libertarian. He was a bit of a jerk to women (though he's really good at attracting women), but deep down he is compassionate and responsible. He's a bit vain and arrogant, but it is this confidence that sets him apart really.

He was into nerdy interests like video games, D&D, comic books. but at the same time he also was in the cool clique going to parties and surfing on the beach (without being a shallow meathead - he did have intellectual depth). I never seen such a diverse versatile personality.

I haven't spoken to him in like 5 years, but last year I googled his xbox live name just to see what would come up, and I saw he posted on a few forums. I read his forum posts and they were some of the most unique, insightful well articulated opinions on just about everything I've ever seen.

This makes me feel like a low-life, being excited to read every new post that comes from a guy I only knew 5 years ago who thought I was a total loser. But I feel good when I do it because he is just everything I want to be and become.

Is it pathetic that I feel this way?


Most Helpful Guy

  • No man it's not.

    Here's what would be pathetic:

    Secretly coveting what he has, being jealous and trying to put him down as a means to raise yourself above him and feel better about yourself. That's called hating, and it's pathetic.

    You're doing the exact opposite. You're like "wow, this dude embodies all the traits I want to bring out in myself". There's nothing wrong with having a role model. In fact you'll go a lot further with that mindset than the opposite. You can be envious, that's fine. But it's positive motivational envy, it'll push you to do better and be better. Embrace it.

    I try to adopt traits from various people I admire around me. I know how I wanna be. I've never seen someone who embodies it all at one go but everyone has a positive trait I admire I'd like to reinforce in myself. I believe it's a good thing, it's a good way to grow.


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What Girls Said 3

  • It's natural to feel this way because I think he helps you to realize you can strive to be better than before. Consider him a blessing that you've encountered him in your life.

  • No not really. We all feel this way at times about people. As to should you try to imitate him and become just like him, I would not really go that way cause men like that are a minority 1/1000 so feeling bad about yourself cause you don't live up to his standards is pretty much pointless.

    So learn to give yourself credit for things. Lets say you get a good grade in class or some girl (not necessarily one that you like) gives you a compliment; pat yourself on the back and allow yourself to be happy. No one can take that away from you but when you compare yourself to others you let them have power over your opinion about yourself.

    Practice to appreciate yourself and prize yourself when you do positive things and you will be amazed how far you go. If on the other hand you compare yourself to this stud... you are not being fair to yourself and you block yourself from achieving your own goals and becoming the better person you want to be.

    • i see most of this achievable. getting a lucrative career will take time. but I've already reached to his level of intelligence over the past few years. I've improved socially, from really bad to average, so in a few more years I can be up to his level. if I get in physical shape and experience more of the world, I can be essentially not inferior to him in any way.

  • I read the way you organized your thoughts and that shows a very deep, well structured observant individual.

    I suggest you stop keeping track or his life and comparing yourself to him. You are not him nor is he you. You will never be happy if you keep doing this because you have your life not his. And his isn't all peaches, as you explained he can be vain, rude, a jerk and superficial, shallow etc There is just as much bad as with the good. The bad thing about the bad is it is ALL on his personality and how he treats people. That doesn't sound like something to compare yourself to.

    You have your own set of positive traits that you should focus on.

    • the fact that he does have all those negative qualities, but yet he wears all of them with such charm and likability is what I admire most. its hard to stop comparing my life to his when I wanted everything he wanted for a while. not just because he's had it. but I just feel like I'm exactly like him on the inside (except without all of the tangible success on the outside). it's mainly his very unique well rounded versatile strong-independent minded personality that I admire.

What Guys Said 1

  • No not at all. You're just approaching it the wrong way.

    Instead of pining and wishing to be like him, look at your own strengths and build upon them. Then look at your weaknesses, and start working on fixing them. There is so much info out there now, that all it takes is your decision to change for the better and you can do it.


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