Ok. I'm 20. When I was in high school, there was a kid there that I sat by everyday at class and at lunch. He didn't think much of me at all, because back then I was socially awkward - unlike now.
I admired him, as he seemed to have everything.
- He's in great physical shape (and he practiced in muay thai / mma for years),
- He was far more intelligent than most of us (Even though his grades didn't reflect that), capable of deep opinions that suggested a strong indepdent mind
- Good looking, had a charm about him that attracted popularity and a character that commanded respect. Great storyteller that kept everyone captivated.
- He dated a lot of very attractive girls (and I've seen them, it's true). Like dozens.
- He's 20 now. He lives alone at his own place, independent. Studies and works. He has a really nice car.
- He's had a ton of life experiences from vacations (he went tons of places), parties, fights, sports, etc,
He was shallow, superficial, a little bit elitist, alpha-male, social darwinist/libertarian. He was a bit of a jerk to women (though he's really good at attracting women), but deep down he is compassionate and responsible. He's a bit vain and arrogant, but it is this confidence that sets him apart really.
He was into nerdy interests like video games, D&D, comic books. but at the same time he also was in the cool clique going to parties and surfing on the beach (without being a shallow meathead - he did have intellectual depth). I never seen such a diverse versatile personality.
I haven't spoken to him in like 5 years, but last year I googled his xbox live name just to see what would come up, and I saw he posted on a few forums. I read his forum posts and they were some of the most unique, insightful well articulated opinions on just about everything I've ever seen.
This makes me feel like a low-life, being excited to read every new post that comes from a guy I only knew 5 years ago who thought I was a total loser. But I feel good when I do it because he is just everything I want to be and become.
Is it pathetic that I feel this way?
Most Helpful Guy
No man it's not.
Here's what would be pathetic:
Secretly coveting what he has, being jealous and trying to put him down as a means to raise yourself above him and feel better about yourself. That's called hating, and it's pathetic.
You're doing the exact opposite. You're like "wow, this dude embodies all the traits I want to bring out in myself". There's nothing wrong with having a role model. In fact you'll go a lot further with that mindset than the opposite. You can be envious, that's fine. But it's positive motivational envy, it'll push you to do better and be better. Embrace it.
I try to adopt traits from various people I admire around me. I know how I wanna be. I've never seen someone who embodies it all at one go but everyone has a positive trait I admire I'd like to reinforce in myself. I believe it's a good thing, it's a good way to grow.2