Help! How would you feel about not being listed on a deed?

Hi everyone,

I love my boyfriend very much but I have some questions. The situation is we've been together almost 2 years, and I'm ready to move in with him. We've talked about building our our home together , and plans for future, and planning to marry next year.

He mentioned last year that his parents were looking for an investment property and wanted to pay for half of what a property is worth here and we would take out a loan to cover the other half. He also mentioned that if we ever split up - that he would keep the house and I'd get nothing, except for what I'd contributed to the house repayments. Which is fair, as it's half his parent's house.

However, recently, they have decided to foot the entire bill for the new house, so we won't have to contribute anything to the house at all - and once again I was told in no uncertain terms, I am not to be listed at all anywhere for the house.

Now this seems fair enough - but before I met my boyfriend, I was planning to build my OWN home and pay for it myself. I am not one for handouts to have things just given to me and not work for them. So I was a little overwhelmed as to when he mentioned that they were going to pay for ALL of it.

This kinda leaves me in a sticky spot as:

1) I will never be a home-owner, which I always wanted to be before I met my bf.

2) My parents even said that what if they wanted to give money to us for our new home together - they wouldn't be able to.

3) His parents are a lot better off than my own, own a lot of investments. I come from a working class family rather than a professional job. So I am feeling overwhelmed by all the money.

Am I right to say that I can be upset that I have been 'cheated' of my right to be a home owner simply because they want to buy an investment property that would naturally be inherited by their son?

I know I can buy an investment property myself and call that my own, but I don't want to start a tit for tat game where nothing is ever shared.

Has anyone experienced this and what should I do? Should I just get over it? Or raise this with him and his parents?
Sorry this was supposed to go to the relationships section but went to the sexuality section instead! :(


Most Helpful Guy

  • I mean if his parents are footing the bill then they have 100% decision about who is on the deed and you can't really be angry about it.

    If you want to build a house and have the money to do so then why involve his parents at all. You could simply tell them thanks but no thanks, that or insist that you be able to contribute to the house.

    From the parents perspective though they are buying a house and letting their son live in it. You are kind of just a extra since you two aren't married or engaged. From their end they probably don't want a girl who may be out of the picture in 6months to a year on a deed to a house they own. Know what I mean? It's not to say anything bad about you just smart business for them.

    seems to me your options are...Insist on being added to the deed. Simply not moving and explaining that you want to own your own house and don't feel comfortable with the proposed situation. Or explain your goals to the parents and ask them if they'd be willing to consider some sort of an arrangement (with a contract signed) where if the two of you get married that you can be put on the deed.


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What Guys Said 3

  • You left out the part, however minor, IF you live in a community property State of the USA. If so, your lawyer (well worth the $300 spent in your case) will explain what is happening to you, what your options are on this & other ideas you've not even broached. Rich love money, other people's!

    So, in MY state, I would certainly entertain the notion of living rent-free is something more comfortable & protective my children than "my own" = read that as "ours until divorce" and save that money & gifts for little investments that could be freedom someday ...when (not if) these inlaws use this leverage to say what you can do, move/not move, etc. ... not to mention the social gossip and in your face comments when conversations get heated. That said, your lawyer should agree and explain how gifts after marriage might be community property (only 1/2 yours).

    No one honest EVER plans a divorce but rich people do (read this as plan for the worse case before investing).

    This is about even handed an introductory primer I can do w/o practicing law, investments & real estate.

  • Just let him know that regardless of what his parents have done, you still want to own your own house, so living in "THIER" house will only be temperary as unless they allow you to buy them out eventually, you will be looking to move to start buying your own home that future children will enherit. He might not see the point but he will eventually, because like you say, living in their house is not the same as owning your own home, and being on the prperty ladder is always a good thing unless you cannot offord it,x

  • his parents are right

    • I understand, yes its his parents investment house, of course he would get all of it in the event of us splitting up, I'm not denying that because I know that is right.

      What I'm saying is, that why should I have to give up my right to be a home owner and do what millions of other couples do and pay a mortgage? Its my future too, so why shouldn't I get a say?

    • no you don't have to give up your dream of becoming a home owner... while your living with your partner in his parents investment property, you can save up and buy your own house and rent it out and let it pay itself off...

What Girls Said 1

  • You and your boyfriend just tell his parents "Thank you, but No Thanks" and build your own home together.

    You might also sit down with your boyfriend and have a very deep serious talk with him about how he really feels about you and is he capable of living his life without the influience of his parents. Just with what you said in this short question makes me think you are about to find yourself in a very selfish one way marriage.


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