"Nice guys finish last" fact or myth?

Okay, I know this is an ancient debate here. But seriously, I think the "nice guys finish last" idea is misinterpreted by a lot of people. Girls like nice guys...they really do! We like someone who is polite, generous, warm, caring and treats us well. Now what we don't like (and what a lot of people confuse as being the nice guy) are guys that are the "yes-man." Typically "nice guys" will go along with whatever you say and won't put up a fight. Say the girl wants to go to a Mexican restaurant and the nice guy hates spicy food... he'll still say "sure, I love Mexican!" Why not instead compromise on something you both like? When nice guys become the yes-man or the I'll-do-whatever-you-want-to-do-man, girls lose interest. Why? Because we want someone who is willing to compromise with us but still maintains their OWN identity, we value that strength that you have. Now if you encounter a girl who isn't willing to compromise on anything, it doesn't mean she doesn't like nice guys. She's just impossible...for anyone lol People, what are your thoughts on this "nice guys finish last" thing?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Most guys who describe themselves as 'nice guys' are 'yes men'. So its not that guys who are nice finish last. Its that 'Nice Guys' finish last.

    They don't need to stop being nice.

    But they need to learn to become nice MEN.

    Sadly, its actually easier to become a cold a**hole then a decent man. Its easier to just turn off your emotions and treat women like pieces of meat then to be open to caring them but also ignore their BS, to stick up for yourself while still trying to be decent. Not only is that harder, but there aren't many good role models around nowadays, there are more jerk role models.

    We take young boys nowadays and actually -raise- them to be "nice guys". They strike out repeatedly and become bitter, and follow the advice to be a jerk (some of them anyway) which actually 'works'.

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What Guys Said 10

  • Lol "Girls love nice guy" yeah, as a friend. If that was true then there wouldn't be so many of us saying that we finish last. I mean after a large majority says it, to some extend, it has to be true. We're not the ones talking to several girls and get rejected because the girls find out... No, we're the ones that focus on that one "special girl" but end up rejected because we end up in the friend zone or we're just not good enough. Yeah the line "nice guys finish last" may be a scapegoat and their boyfriends may or may not be jerks but it sucks that you try your best to win a girl's heart and it's the other guy that gets her. We usually say it when a girl we like ends up breaking up with their boyfriend and complains about it.

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  • To say that nice guys finish last would be a misapprehension of cause and effect.

    Nice guys put others first.

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  • Yeah, I know girls like nice guys, but jerks don't have that much of a hard time getting rejected. As a nice guy, who is not a yes-man, I don't have the heart to get rejected so many times. That's how we finish last. By not competing as much as others do.

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  • I don't think you have any understanding about the nice guys that you call "yes-men". Men like that are trying to give women the real red carpet treatment! That is an extremely high level of respect and regard! It has nothing to do with a man's lack of backbone or ability to maintain his own identity!

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  • Nice guys lose out to more confident, assertive, and arrogant men. They are last.

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  • truuuuuuuuuuu

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  • fact

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  • FACT.

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  • The definition is what makes it true or not. But stereotypical nice guys do finish last or at least get hardly any girls compared to a**holes. But then there's alpha males who get all the girls and are also nice guys.

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  • I disagree. I'll preface it by saying that I don't think that if a guy is nice that it's hopeless in dating. That's certainly not true and the guys that say that are off their rocker. Those guys think that they can get away with what girls get away with and they can't. That equality isn't there nor will it ever be there, but they hold onto hope for it.

    However, I do think that girls are more drawn to the bad boys. The guys that are really really rough around the edges presents a challenge. Some guys are those guys, some want to be those guys, and others hate them because of their success. If girls wanted what you say, guys would try to emulate that because that would be what works. They find the other guys more exciting. They are more engaging.

    I think most guys need a combination of things to be successful with girls. They can't just go in with being nice. They need money, good looks, and whatever else. The only exception is being the bad boy. You don't need anything else. If you do, you are just adding to your value. I know some of the girls on this site would scoff at that, but it's true. Don't let your annoyance by the questions on this site cloud that judgment.

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    • Hmm alright point taken. I think you can present a challenge to a woman without being that bad boy tho so to speak. What originally attracted me to my guy is what he was a bit on the aloof side. He was always very generous towards me, but he stood out to me because he didn't agree with everthing I said and we had a lot of intellectual debates. I saw it as a challenge yes, which was attractive. But he was in no way a bad boy.

    • Being aloof works too. Girls can't stand not getting what they want, so if you remain distant and ambivalent towards them, they try to work for your affection instead of getting with the guys that are doting on them.

    • Or they will just leave you alone and pick out one of the other dozen men either vying for her attention or is in demand.

What Girls Said 3

  • I think 75% of the problem is the meaning of "nice guy".

    Guys describe themselves as nice usually when they don't have anything else going for them. They think we should date them solely because they're not a**holes to us.

    ...strange thing is most people aren't a**holes.

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    • Nice Guys have things going for them too. They just Don't gloat about it.

    • I had a lot going for me and I wanted to share that with someone who would bring joy into my life. I get cheated on and left in return.

    • I don't think you're dealing with reality! There is no such thing as a man so two-dimensional that he has nothing going for him except being nice! That is just totally absurd! And it shows how women are quick to project their silly delusional thoughts on people they don't like!

  • "Nice guys" usually end up bitter about failed relationships and many do finish last or not at all.

    Actual nice guys finish later, but far from last. I see more (actual) nice guys married/in good, loving relationships than any other type.

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    • Yea they would have to be weary of girls who were once sluts. Those are a nice guys biggest predator.

    • I am not.

  • It mostly depends on how someone defines "nice guy." I'm starting to think it doesn't actually mean anything anymore.

    All other factors equal, I would still rather date the kind of person you described instead of an a**hole. At least you can help them understand that they don't have to agree with you about everything. It's something you can work through together. Douchebaggery, on the other hand... I'm not going to waste two seconds of my time on it.

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    • Good to hear. Allot of f***ed up girls go for ignorant asses.

    • I also want to clarify that I'm not in favor of harping on women about this issue. None of my girl friends date a**holes, either.

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