Girls, have you ever been turned off of a guy because he was "too interested in you"?

NOTE: guys and girls can both answer this question

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The idea of a guy being "too interested in a girl", is something that many of us males still don't understand or fathom.

Girls, have you ever had a guy that you were interested in, but you got turned off because somehow he was "TOO INTERESTED" in you?

What did this guy do or not do, say or not say, that "scared you off" somehow?

What is the threshold of interest a guy can show you until his interest in you is "too much to handle" or "too intense"?

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Whether you are a guy or a girl answering, please feel free to describe scenarios so we can understand your point of view on this topic.

Thanks for answering. 8-)

  • I'm a girl; yes I have been turned off of a guy because he was "too interested" in me
    Vote A
  • I'm a girl; I've never had this situation happen to me before
    Vote B
  • I'm a guy; I have a hunch that I scared off a girl because I showed "too much interest" in her
    Vote C
  • I'm a guy; I don't think that I ever scared a girl away by showing "too much interest"
    Vote D
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This has happened to me, yes. Not that I was looking for a relationship or anything. I am in a committed relationship. When I went to university, some guys talked to me and so I thought I'd get to know them since it's always good to have friends. But dear Lord, these guys wouldn't leave me alone for a second. They were blowing up my phone, talking about how "they were too ugly to get a girl", hunting me down on campus...just always there. I firmly believe, with one of the guys, it was a legit stalker situation. He was EVERYWHERE. Outside my hall, at the library, at the cafeteria, at the gym, in my classes...always talking. Always asking to hang out, always telling me I was pretty and asking me out even AFTER I told him about my boyfriend.

    They freaked me out. So now I avoid them. I blocked them on FB, deleted their number, and just plain started avoiding them.

    They were too eager. Have a life, for goodness sake,

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    • Did you actually talk to them about it first? And are you sure you're not over exaggerating? Don't get me wrong, it's very possible (and probably true) that he was full on creeper in which case, ya, he's gotta work on his issues, but I've seen many a women overreact to the slightest things from guys as well and label them as creepers.

    • I'm pretty sure I didn't overreact.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 43

  • I'm usually flattered if a guy is interested in me, even if it seems to be over the top. I only had it become too much for me once. I was in my junior year of high school and I was really just starting to date and unlike a lot of the girls in my school I was just looking to have fun, not really be too serious. Within two days the guy was telling me that he loved me and can see himself getting married to me. It was sweet but at the same time I thought he's either crazy or really does love me and I'm going to break his heart.

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  • So... except for being interested to the point of being a stalker, aren't we women being hypocritical when were saying we want a guy to not be too interested, but then complain about not getting enough attention?

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    • I read the part about women liking guys that ignore them, and how its a smart move to go over to a group of girls and talk to every girl except the girl you actually like. I just have to tell you guys that that doesn't work. If a guy does that I just think he's rude.

  • The problem is not being being "too interested" it's that when they seem interested to the point where they're no longer interested in ME, rather, they're more interested in obtaining a relationship and it seems that they don't care who it's with.

    If someone actually GENUINELY likes you, they will wait and will not pressure you in to things.

    Also, people who genuinely like you don't come off "too interested" because they get nervous.

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    • I agree, I backed out of seeing one of these guys because it was moving crazily into a relationship direction without knowing anything about each other.

  • Yes I have been turned off from a guy being to interested, this guy I liked really lied me to, I knew him for about a year and when I started wanting to get something going I told him that I logged him a lot but then it seemed like after I told him that he began saying things like that sounded like it was out of a book so fake, and calling me and telling me that he missed me and that he wanted to have kids with me and I freaked out cause I didn't want to be talking about those things wee were friends and I went out with him once after I told him I liked him I did not want to be talking about marriage and kids and I didn't life him saying I was the love of his life I totally freaked out thought he was a weirdo and told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore that he was going to far weren't even a couple yet so that was awkward.

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  • I've had guys be really into me and I actually find it really sweet because I like to have a lot of attention. But I have had a guy come to the point of stalking me so that's when it's a turn off. If you're waiting outside of her window every night at 3am then you probably need to back off. lol.

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  • There was this one guy who complimented me, like, too much. I might be seen as cute, but I'm not a beauty queen and I definitely didn't have much of a chance to spark his interest with other traits of my personality. So when after three or four conversations he finally finished with admiration and asked me out, I backed off being afraid to dissappoint his superhigh expectations. God, after him saying all this stuff about how charming I am I'd be damn scared to eat in front of him - what if I'd drop a spoon or tell a bad joke?

    Flirting is about being more subtle and taking it easier, I guess.

    BTW, nice poll!

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  • I remember being in a relationship with this one guy for about a week. As awful as that sounds, I had a good reason. I think we had gone on only one date and three days into our "relationship", he was already planning out how we were going to move in together, he told me he loved me and was willing to spend the rest of his life with me, AND how much better it would be if we could be coworkers so we could see each other all the time. And to be honest, that really turned me off. I had to call it quits because I felt like there was no room to breathe!

    We barely knew each other because we had only been dating for a week. I think if you're going to be too into someone, you should at least know them a little bit better. If he had told me he loved me after 5 or 6 months of dating, it would not have been as scary. Hell, we were not even intimate. It was just a bizarre experience.

    So yes, I have been turned off by someone who seems like he is too interested. I want my guy to have his own life and not always roll out the red carpet for me. A balance is always important and when things get out of hand, you just have to make a decision and move on.

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  • I voted B even though this has happened to me because I'd like to stress the difference between being interested, being needy and being a stalker. Being needy (clingy, can't do anything without you etc.) is always a turn-off (as opposed to being wanted which is hot). Equally off putting is being a stalker (wanting to know precisely what you're doing and where you're going all the time). Being interested is showing someone that you want them (not need them), it's a compliment and it's hot.

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  • I have been turned off a guy that was too interested.

    But it was because it was too soon.

    But if he had given more time for me to actually form feelings instead of seeming REALLY interested at first, to the point where it was pushy, he could have had a chance.

    Showing that you're really interested is good in my opinion, if both parties are interested in one another.

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  • This has definitely happened to me. But it's not so much that they're "too interested" in me, it's more that they're too desperate or needy. There's a difference between being highly interested in someone because you think they're something special and being highly interested in someone because they desperately feel like they need to have a relationship. When a guy doesn't seem to have much interest in anything but you, that's not healthy.

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    • I agree. I believe this is what I mean, "too desperate.". Too interested in my opinion is being more involved in my family's life that I am. I have had that happen to me twice and it's extremely annoying. I personally want someone who is all about me, not about supporting my family or friends - just me. If he wants me and knows me, he knows getting in good with my family is the exact opposite of what I want him to do. Wanting to know exactly who my friends are is doing too much for me.

  • Yes. If I don't know a guy too well, or if he very suddenly starts showing his interest in me it sometimes turns me off. I guess this sounds dumb but it's true, if a guy shows slight interest in you for a while, then ignores you slightly for a few days (not in a rude way though), it usually makes me want him more.

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  • Too much, too soon.

    If I feel like a guy is suddenly "pursuing" me without having gotten to know me, I'm immediately turned off. I know it's a bit of a catch 22 since you want to go on dates to get to know someone. Piqued curiosity and mild interest is all that I feel is appropriate for someone who doesn't actually know me.

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  • If a guy is too into me too early, it's a turn off.he doesn't really know me and I think he should have the self control to control his emotions

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    • Would you be concerned more with him liking having a girl in general, vs him wanting you specifically?

  • He didn't know how to chill. Most guys have a difficulty picking up what my speed is. I'm like a blackhole - I look like I don't exist when in actuality I'm moving at warp speed. Plenty of guys get more excited about the "newness" than I do and I'm a pretty loving, excitable young woman. Just, if you're more excited or moved to touched by things [other than God] than I am, that's creepy. You guys are way more sensitive than you give yourselves credit for and that's okay. But if you all, as a species, don't start saying it out loud, we're going to keep running your asses over. [..at least I am. I don't give too many sh*ts about how sensitive someone is if they're too sensitive to tell me...] My ex husband cried because his friend who has diabetes waited to level his blood sugar until the very last second because he "wanted to make more money". ..Oy, the trap life... I was like, bitch! Wtf?!?! I've had a concussion from working two jobs to take care of you and you cry for a dude that KNOWS how and when he needs to regulate his blood sugar, and has known since he was a child?!?! A few guys I can't even remember just have been excited about being around me and just want to reach out and touch me. I'm not standoffish or traumatized - I just don't like to be touched - that's what I have a name for. Oy! Some guys move too quickly and want to call me "terms of endearment" like, boo, baby, babe, Hun, sweetie, sweetheart, honey. OMG! I have a name! That needs to be reserved for intimate relationships and if we're only three to six months in, we are not on that level yet, and I can guarantee him I haven't decided whether I'm going to keep him or use him for entertainment purposes only. Some guys have had a faster relationship speed than I do. It's a number of reasons why the zealot loses out. Lol.

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    • Wow , I never have the patience to read wrong answers.. but this one is just wow and made me read it till the end :D chapeau !

    • gahh I mean *long* answers.

    • I think in your case its more about your "speed" being really slow...vs. the "speed" of the guys being really fast.

  • This only happens if you're not truly into someone. When you're mad about a guy - there is no such thing as too interested. because you just can't get enough of them

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  • The only time that I've seen this happen is when a girl just isn't that into a guy, and he's already decided that he REALLY likes her. He didn't give her the chance to make an opinion of him because he'd already decided she must like him.

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  • Yeah. I mean, usually that's not the only reason but if a guy is too overbearing too soon, he will probably go much too fast in the relationship which is no good.

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  • I dated this guy over the summer, and that lasted like a week. Every 2 seconds he would text me a heart or a smiley face. He made everything too easy.. I don't know if anyone agrees, but in a relationship, I kind of want a bit of something to fight for. And guys, I said a bit. Don't get carried away!

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    • me personally I like a challenge too

    • Life will give you enough challenges, you really don't want the person you hope to be closest to as being one. Maybe it depends though. Like mentally challenging each other can be fun in a game kinda way, so maybe it's more like that for you, but I dunno. The pure relationship aspect? I wouldn't want a challenge with that, I'd like it to be comfortable.

  • This experience really turned me off. He is a great friend, but all he did was causing rumors to spread for three days! And everyone is middle school thought we was dating. I was so upset, with this guy for years. And I still get a little heated for remembering that. :(

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  • If I liked him No! but if I didn't like him or wasn't sure if liked him Yes!

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  • nah never happen to me...if it does ill be melting lol..that is if he is normal and my kinda guy :p

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    • funny how you say he has to be "normal" lol

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    • prof : yup he havta be normal if he isn't normal and he is interested in me ill feel scared lol

      robotic : awwww really dear :p

    • Interesting guys never pay so much attention to me..sadly :p I'm not attractive :p I'm just cute ..men prefer exotic is the word :)

      Creepy guys are like guys follow me around at school when we have nothing in common and he just love to brag bout himself telling how great his job is etc etc..and there are also guys that talk nothing but sexual issues to me and try to ask me out -.- creepy :/

  • If he's too interested too fast is when I get freaked out. If its at a slower pace then it won't be a turn off.

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  • he texted me too much, was overtly polite, not confident in what he said/ how he acted around me, was too honest, seemed like he was hiding something, and became too clingy

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    • How do you correlate "was too honest" and "seemed like he was hiding something"?

      I don't get how those two things go together.

    • too honest and yet hiding something... overshared personal info to the point of making me uncomfortable & the situation just plain awkward. when I asked him serious questions about his background, he gave vague answers and actually said "it's better for you if you don't know" can you tellthat relationship didn't get very far?l

  • DEFINITELY. Pretty big turn off actually..

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  • Too interested, not exactly...but too clingy and demanding of my time, yes.

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  • Oh my GAWD. yes! Like al the guys I meet become to interested and clingey...MAJOR turn if...sorry. I like the *chase and be chased type of thing or the too hard to get*(sometimes)

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  • yeah I like a little mystery because I figure people's motives out pretty quick so I like someone mysterious.

    And most females do have this intuitive way of thinking so we like figuring people out.. solving personal problems :)

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  • all the time! we like the chase too..

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  • If I am interested in him then he cannot be too interested in me.

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  • I'm never "turned off" by that if I am the same damn way.

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  • More from Girls
    13

What Guys Said 13

  • I've had a hookup with a guy before and after 2 times he got really obsessed with me. Ironically, I was only experimenting and had no intention of going gay and was upfront about it.

    I'd have to deal with multiple texts a day being told I was hot and while it is nice at first, the repeated comments got old. Then I'd have to deal with him getting bitter that I was not complimenting him back(yet he knows I have no interest). He'd also want to constantly "hang out" and would check to see if I was horny all the time so he could come over. He was sexually obsessed. He also was demanding that he be the only guy for "territorial reasons" yet I am a heterosexual who is open in specific ways. If I didn't reply to a text right away, I got like 5 more texts from him just leaving the grocery store to head home.

    This is just some of the issues.

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    • I think you've left the realm of 'too much interest' and stepped into 'stalker land'. He must be the 'female' . .

  • Well, that's interesting. There's this girl right now, to whom I showed "too much interest" (according to her) and made her uncomfortable. When she told me that, I stopped showing ANY interest, she told me she wasn't even interested in being friends so I let it go.

    Now, she is the one initiating conversations every time she sees me and making jokes, calling me names and getting "upset" when I don't talk to her or am not very friendly toward her advances, I wonder what happened. I told her it was her loss, she said she doubted it but now I MUST talk to her or she gets mad/upset, what a weirdo

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    • i agree with you. When I show too interested to the girl, they back off. when I avoid and ignore them, they change and they will come to you and try to talk with u. I don't understand with girl thinking...

      anybody can explain me, why they just be like that.

    • SHOW HER EXACTLY WHAT IT MEANS TO BE REJECTED FOR BEING TOO CLINGY. THE IRONY WOULD BE HILARIOUS!

  • as a guy I'm sure I have turned girls off by being too interested in them , this has happened a couple times before , when I was really into a girl and maybe she got freaked out that I was so into her so early before we were actually dating etc . and yeah she decided to not pursue things any further and didn't want a lot to do with me . I'm not sure exactly why some girls don't want to be with guys that are really interested in them , its confusing cause you think they'd want to be with them but often they aren't interested in these guys

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  • Women are so dumb... "WE WANT ATTENTION" *gets attention* "EEWWW CREEPER"

    Woman logic, dumbest logic ever.

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    • Reading these answers does give you that impression

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    • +1. F***these bitches.

    • Good looking guy: Why aren't we getting attention

      Bad looking guy: Ewwww creeper

  • I am a guy, and yeah it happens... Girls get turned off by being to interested. Just don't show interest in them and they come to you like a dog to a owner. Women are strange creatures, they love to have an excuse to complain just saying.

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  • It's not that the guy is too interested, it's that he's overbearing and likely isn't into the girl for who she is (and rather is just interested in her looks or the idea of having a girlfriend), or it's that the girl just isn't interested in him in the first place.

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  • Women are so freakin confusing. They want a guy who's "not too interested", but no "super interested". What the hell does middle interest mean? They also want a "nice guy" and don't look that their guy friends who like them. Women love to reject what they want, it's so confusing.

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  • yea it happened to me. I was being so annoying and needy asking her to do this and that with me. I realized later how annoying I was so I try to avoid that girl now my own good.

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  • "He's too interested." Too interested compared to what? Oh right, her interest in him. It's a deflection.

    People use indirect language all the time, in and out of dating. Politics is a fine example.

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  • Such BS... this is precisely why you cannot believe anything a woman says lol...

    They're just too contradictory.

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  • Not if I like her..

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  • Unwarranted attention and praise makes us uncomfortable, whether it's men or women. The difference is that most the time men are expected to take the lead, and so fairly often it's the guy getting caught showing his hand instead of the woman. Women, even if they are crazy about a guy, USUALLY won't let onto that or show it in any form. Even if the guy basically spills his feelings and she feels the same it would still go something like this:

    How she feels on the inside:

    link

    How she acts:

    link

    So, because women so infrequently let on how interested they are, they usually don't get caught up in being "too interest" to the point a guy gets creeped out. (It does happen though, definitely.) Guys however, they are expected to take the first step. Don't argue with me on that, I know not ALL women think this, but a great deal of women expect the guy to make the first move so shut up. Guys that aren't keenly aware as to how interested the woman is will generally overstep their bounds and come off as too interested.

    The person who makes the first move should always be less interested than the person who is being pursued. The reason being that the person making the first move has to show their cards. When they do this, if the interest is higher than the person they are asking, the other person will realize they are in control. The person is too available, too easy, and that's kind of boring.

    Now, obviously stalking type behavior goes well beyond "too interested" into "unwarranted interest". Too interest is when someon shows a normal level of interest, but either too soon or too high in comparison to your own. Unwarranted interest someone doing things that are socially unacceptable because of their interest. Unwarranted interest is ALWAYS creepy, always a turn off, and will always drive people away.

    Unwarranted interest equals= Socially unacceptable. Something inherently wrong with the behavior, based on everybody.

    Too interest= Personally unacceptable. Nothing inherently wrong with it, based on the individual.

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  • What women aren't telling you is that, their lack of interest is actually CAUSED by the mans "over" interest.

    Aka

    neediness.

    Women won't admit this, because its subconscious and they don't want to sound mean.

    Just like they don't admit that they will have sex with bad boys. But do every chance they get.

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