Sometime Boyfriend vs. New Guy

My question is essentially whether I can/should date both my sometimes boyfriend and new guy and if so what that means for sex. FYI, What I really want is to settle down with one guy.

I've been in a long distance relationship with sometimes boyfriend for 1.5 years. We live 5 hours apart each way. He wouldn't give me a commitment last fall and called me his sometimes girlfriend, which really hurt since I have strong feelings for him and have been sleeping with him. Around the holidays he started wanting to see me more than before, but I didn't increase visits. Last time I saw him was late December.

A month later (late January) I met new guy and we had our first date the weekend before Valentine's day. Sometimes boyfriend was supposed to visit the weekend after Valentine's day, but when new guy emailed me for my address to send flowers (a giving gesture I never had from sometimes boyfriend) I accepted the flowers and cancelled sometimes boyfriend's visit.

Sometimes boyfriend knows about new guy and wants back in. I haven't seen him since December and haven't slept with new guy. I like new guy a lot and if sometimes boyfriend didn't exist maybe I'd like him even more. My feelings are much stronger for sometimes boyfriend but I'm not willing to give up new guy and risk falling back into the same pattern. New guy does not know about sometimes boyfriend even though Sometimes Boyfriend guessed right that there is a new guy and therefore knows about him.

I really want to settle down with one guy. Honestly I've been riding this out to see who is going to treat me the best.

Now Sometimes Boyfriend wants to see me again, but I've put him off. New guy did bring up the subject of seeing other people, saying he isn't seeing anyone else and it would hurt him if I did, which I haven't. Sometimes boyfriend says he isn't seeing anyone else and feels betrayed, but I explained that I asked him for a commitment in the fall which he refused, so he left himself open for someone else to step up to the plate. Classic case if you snooze you loose.

I can't brings self to let either one go for lack of total confidence in the other.

Can I date both and if do what does that mean for sex?


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What Guys Said 2

  • Don't date them both. It's still best if you can stay committed to just one guy. It seems you have a brighter future with the new guy, and you should commit your time and attention to him.

    Your sometimes boyfriend kind of seeing you just for sexual reasons, and won't even commit.

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  • i personally think you are a ho!

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