A relationship a year ago and I'm still hurt as if it was yesterday.. I don't want him back.. I jus regret mee

Damn. I was so in love that I was blind as a bat. I gave him 8 months of my precious life. We planned a future together. Really. Then the last 3 months he goes off with my friend. We break up last year.. and I find out tht he's getting married to that whore. I'm sorry but she was my closest friend. she new how much I really looved him. I moved on couple times. or should say tried to.. ut this whole wedding thing doesn't surprise me. it jus cut me deeper inside because there went my two bested people betrayed me. I still feel so hurt I cry and get real bad when I think about it..she showed me the damn pictures..

i need to move on. but I don't kno how

wht am I still hurt its been a year and I'm still hurt as if it were yesturday


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Dear QA,

    1st, you have my dearest sympathies for the pain you endure.

    2ndly, speaking of experience, you won't be able to move on if you kept forcing yourself to "try to move on" it is like wound, they won't heal over a night, yet won't heal based on your well...and no sane person will judge you for still having feelings...because it is an uncontrollable subject.

    My advice, take your time in grief...yet never surrender to depression...it is that hard to get point of balance between grieving and not having depression that you need.

    I know it is very f***in awefull request, but focus on what you learn from the "sh*t" that happened instead on the pain that resulted from that event...just imagine you got married and suddenly all that was a sham for a secret affair with a person you thought to be best friend...aaah...suddenly your current situation doesn't seems so bad huh?!

    Another advice that you might not like it, just cut off communications with both of them for a brief of time...trust me it helps a lot...afraid they will think you're weak? f*** them...you're the most important to yourself and screw what they think.

    hmm...what else?... what else?...uh reorganize your time and daily schedule...meaning, establish a super dream to give you a reason to insist on breathing...it can be any selfless dream, like fighting poverty...etc

    and then establish a self satisfying dream, like to be a neurosurgeon or a law enforcement...etc.

    make more social contact, for example learn to play a musical instrument that you like (music always helps) and participate in charity work (the world is a f***in mess and it need many heroes LIKE YOU to help even with a small deed).

    Final warning, you're not expected to forget them, nor forgive them...and future boyfriend shouldn't expect that to, just put their memories in a box and don't look back at it.

    I seriously wish you the best of luck and I was honest when I said that I understand what you're going through because I was in a similar shoes before.

    Yours,

    W H

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    • its like you read my mind :) they both know that I probably won't speak with them ever again. and yes they probably think I'm "weak" but I don't care they made a fool out of themselves. what I don't like is the "symphaty" I get. I don't want that bastard! I kno he was damn player and he played me good. that I'm better off without him.. and that one day ill meet my perfect man...i kno that and I'm not giving up no. but right now..im just trying to get past the hurt and the betrayal..

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What Guys Said 3

  • I can relate, I was in a position like yours, and hurt for a long time, like a year. But when the girl came back to me asking to come over to her because they broke up just before the wedding or a bit after marriage - I felt myself really good about it. Moreover that girl did spoke with a friend of mine and I did chat with her a little a while and I realized then what an ugly person she is, and my friend ask me how could I date her as she is self centered and doesn't respect people she is with, etc. I think that their marriage won't last long, I have geared many stories like yours when a guy has 2 kids from different women and was married twice and now is getting married the third time after knowing the girl for a short time. I think you would be better without them that for sure. In my opinion you are in the position where you don't love him but feel betrayed. You should move on, as they don't deserve you attention. That's from personal experience.

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    • haha I feel you! that's exactly how I feel when I saw him in the damn pictures she sent to me! can you believe that? talk about smearing it in my face but yes, I looked at him and I'm like damn! what did I evr like in this ugly bastard? and boy if they do break off their wedding..ill probably die laughing. I don't want that jack$$$ I don't evn kno why I'm so damn hurt! thts what I don't understand! and yes I'm starting pharmacy school nxt year.. $$ doesn't buy happiness but eh.. who cares?

    • One of the reason why you might be feeling horrible is the your ego got hurt. You met him, felt for him trusted him more then somebody else, put yourself out there for him and in the end he broke your trust, betraited you.

  • It seems that you really need to stop thinking about him.

    Find a new guy whom you may focus all your time and attention.

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    • no no no, that would be a fatal mistake...cause she will ended up hurting that new guy as a "rebound guy"...trust me this is a common baaaaaaaad unfair advice.

      nothing personal.

    • Goodness! I tried that too, met this guy, he was super sweet. but I don't want a rebound guy. I think ill end up hurting him or get my hopes up again and be hurt again. I don't want a guy just to "have fun" eh. come to think of it. I don't know what I want anymore. I just think I need to put dating on hold till I get myself together. But yes I do need someone who will show me that I'm wrong and I should keep on trying till I find the one

  • better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, be glad you don't have to initiate anything

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    • although I hate him to pieces.. yess you're right

    • yeah your a girl so you can be passive but us guys can't, overall girls do not have to put forth as much effort as we guys do in order to attract someone

What Girls Said 3

  • You've taken a -crucial- step to start down the road to healing. You're talking about it and in more ways than one I believe that will help you just as much as its helped me. I had been friends with a guy for at least half of my life and dated him for six years. Long story short, we are no longer together and he's since moved on with his [ex] best friend's girl about four months after our breakup . Sometimes the loss of the relationship (not only the romantic part but the friendship) still feels as fresh as it was a year and a half ago but I can tell you that time is your best friend.

    Examine the parts of the relationship that went wrong but don't obsess over them. Know what went wrong for both sides, figure out how it can be prevented then tuck them away and reflect back on them to use as a guideline to what should and shouldn't be done in the next relationship you find yourself in.

    Take a day and just devote it to yourself and your needs to remind yourself of the person you were before he flipped it upside down. What did you like to do before he came into your life? Are there hobbies that you wish you could pick up again? Whether it be photography, painting, charity work or exercising find what makes your heart sing again because in that, you'll learn you're strong enough to overcome the hurt and there won't ever be anything that you can't handle.

    -BB

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    • i kept it all in all this year. didn't talk about it. till I heard about it and I just bawled like it was my last day alive. yes whoever said that talking it out helps you was right. I have a lot of friends. but since one of my very own friends betrayed me, I don't trust anyone.. not evn myself sometimes. horrible isn't it? when I looked back. I saw so many red flags..but I was blind. I didn't see it then. the problem is I can't forgive myself.. I need to. but how?

  • I think you have to cut off from them . for a bit. Find yourself. Go out meet new people. Try and distract yourself. It will be fine. Don't woryy.

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    • i tried to meet new people. didn't work really good with me. its like if they do something that I don't like. I just push em away..

    • Yes it happens to me too. But you have to keep trying. Try doing something fun. I just started working out and pole dancing. Its fun helps me keep my mind off things

  • Cut them both out of your life. You need time to heal and pick up the pieces and move on.

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    • phew! grl they so outta my life! she had a nerve to send me the pictures! and then she trying to be all sweet and innocent! and guess what? around me.. everybody is like "awe, you'll be ok.. you'll meet the one.. he didn't deserve you" and around them they say "congrats! you guys are the cutest couple"! damn I hate 2faced ppl! I guess I'm in the wrong circle of friends..but my own relatives are like that. talk about drama

    • I know what you mean. Do not pay much attention to what others say. Do whatever that makes you feel better. Only time will heal the pain so just give the time some time. Be patient.

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