My boyfriend and I have been together for about 7 months or so, I feel like we are serious, but I don't think he feels the same. His family and friends don't know about me. But I have feelings for him and he's told me the same. When we first got together he told me still has feelings for his ex of 4 years but has since told me that I've helped him get over her. He has on countless occasions told me what physical traits her prefers in a woman that are usually opposite of me. I'm Caucasian with medium brown hair/eyes and he's Hispanic. I'm on the curvier side with large breasts, but he tells me he likes petite small chested girls. He's told me many times how he likes dark skinned girls like Arabian/Latino with black hair and makes comments about how light my skin is. He tells me he likes girls who speak Spanish (I don't). Likes straight hair (I have curly). Likes girls who don't wear make up (I wear make up everyday). He tries to tell me what I should wear and shouldn't wear. He's told me that he wishes I was shorter. He tells me I'm beautiful, but one time recently we were talking about his ex and he described her and she was all of those things that he likes. They were engaged and she broke up with him to go to college out of country (about 2 years ago) and right now he's out of the country to watch her graduate because he "promised her he'd go" and he needs closure. Also he started working out 2+ hours everyday at the gym a few months before he was supposed to leave and bought a whole new wardrobe. He would cancel dates with me to go workout. Did I mention his family doesn't know about me? What is going on? :(
Most Helpful Guy
I don't want to add more injury to insult, and I really hope that I'm right on this one, but it appears to me that either you were the rebound girl, or a relationship of convenience. Either way it's clear that he has never gotten over his ex.
I am certain that in some way he was attracted to you, but never really intended on establishing a long term relationship with you simply for the fact that he never really got over his ex. The fact that he would constantly compare you to his ex was a good indication that he would rather be with her than you.
His novelty in you possibly because you were different than the girls he usually goes for. He may even have had the intention of trying to establish something long term and sincere with you, but his undying feelings for his ex was too strong and possibly distorted his intentions with you if they were true.
As far as him going to her graduation, as a promise or not, he should have either stated to her that he was in a new relationship and would be bringing you along or wouldn't be able to attend at all.
To me the writing is on the wall here. He bought a new wardrobe, started working out (even cancelled dates with you just to work out) is a clear indicator that he is actually seeking to rekindle the relationship with his ex if at all possible. If it turns out that he is indeed getting "closure" it will clearly be because she turned him down and he may return back to you as a fall back, especially since he will be disappointed and again rejected.
The question for you is, do you want to be there as a second option for him, or do you want to close this chapter and move forward in your life. It will hurt, but you will heal and you will be free to find a guy who will see everything he ever wanted in a girl in you.1