I'm not my bf's physical type and he still has feelings for his ex

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 7 months or so, I feel like we are serious, but I don't think he feels the same. His family and friends don't know about me. But I have feelings for him and he's told me the same. When we first got together he told me still has feelings for his ex of 4 years but has since told me that I've helped him get over her. He has on countless occasions told me what physical traits her prefers in a woman that are usually opposite of me. I'm Caucasian with medium brown hair/eyes and he's Hispanic. I'm on the curvier side with large breasts, but he tells me he likes petite small chested girls. He's told me many times how he likes dark skinned girls like Arabian/Latino with black hair and makes comments about how light my skin is. He tells me he likes girls who speak Spanish (I don't). Likes straight hair (I have curly). Likes girls who don't wear make up (I wear make up everyday). He tries to tell me what I should wear and shouldn't wear. He's told me that he wishes I was shorter. He tells me I'm beautiful, but one time recently we were talking about his ex and he described her and she was all of those things that he likes. They were engaged and she broke up with him to go to college out of country (about 2 years ago) and right now he's out of the country to watch her graduate because he "promised her he'd go" and he needs closure. Also he started working out 2+ hours everyday at the gym a few months before he was supposed to leave and bought a whole new wardrobe. He would cancel dates with me to go workout. Did I mention his family doesn't know about me? What is going on? :(


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't want to add more injury to insult, and I really hope that I'm right on this one, but it appears to me that either you were the rebound girl, or a relationship of convenience. Either way it's clear that he has never gotten over his ex.

    I am certain that in some way he was attracted to you, but never really intended on establishing a long term relationship with you simply for the fact that he never really got over his ex. The fact that he would constantly compare you to his ex was a good indication that he would rather be with her than you.

    His novelty in you possibly because you were different than the girls he usually goes for. He may even have had the intention of trying to establish something long term and sincere with you, but his undying feelings for his ex was too strong and possibly distorted his intentions with you if they were true.

    As far as him going to her graduation, as a promise or not, he should have either stated to her that he was in a new relationship and would be bringing you along or wouldn't be able to attend at all.

    To me the writing is on the wall here. He bought a new wardrobe, started working out (even cancelled dates with you just to work out) is a clear indicator that he is actually seeking to rekindle the relationship with his ex if at all possible. If it turns out that he is indeed getting "closure" it will clearly be because she turned him down and he may return back to you as a fall back, especially since he will be disappointed and again rejected.

    The question for you is, do you want to be there as a second option for him, or do you want to close this chapter and move forward in your life. It will hurt, but you will heal and you will be free to find a guy who will see everything he ever wanted in a girl in you.

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What Guys Said 3

  • If a guy truly likes you, he will tell you that you are perfect the way you are. There may be things that he wants but he would reassure your insecurities and tell you that there is nothing you need to change.

    The way that you are describing him, I would be really careful about him. It doesn't sound like this will end well, because he doesn't seem to appreciate you. It doesn't matter that he "promised" his ex that he would go to her graduation. Many promises are usually not kept after a breakup, such as promises to be with someone to the end, do everything them them, etc...

    Have a really good talk with him when he gets back. Find out what happened during the trip and what his exact intentions are of the trip. Be prepared to let go of him.

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  • you need to dump him, I mean he puts working out at the gym before taking you out on a date?

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  • It seems that he's losing interest in you, and wants to work it out with her ex.

    You should start thinking of breaking it off with him.

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What Girls Said 2

  • "When we first got together he told me still has feelings for his ex of 4 years but has since told me that I've helped him get over her."

    Bad idea, this never works to be a rebound. Trust me, I've been there (only it was an unrequited crush for a childhood friend).

    "I'm on the curvier side with large breasts, but he tells me he likes petite small chested girls. He's told me many times how he likes dark skinned girls like Arabian/Latino with black hair and makes comments about how light my skin is. He tells me he likes girls who speak Spanish (I don't). Likes straight hair (I have curly). Likes girls who don't wear make up (I wear make up everyday). He tries to tell me what I should wear and shouldn't wear. He's told me that he wishes I was shorter. He tells me I'm beautiful, but one time recently we were talking about his ex and he described her and she was all of those things that he likes."

    You're perfectly fine as you are, but he's hurting your feelings and manipulating you with these words. No guy who truly loves and respects you will believe or say things like that regarding your type and say he prefers other types. Just no. Again, I have been there. You don't deserve to be 2nd best, you deserve 1st place.

    "right now he's out of the country to watch her graduate because he "promised her he'd go" and he needs closure. Also he started working out 2+ hours everyday at the gym a few months before he was supposed to leave and bought a whole new wardrobe. He would cancel dates with me to go workout. Did I mention his family doesn't know about me?"

    He is working out and buying a new wardrobe IN HOPES OF GETTING HER BACK. Gah. I just can't even. :( DUMP HIM.

    He is using you. :( I'm sorry. He is hurting you and demeaning you by choosing to be with you even though he made it clear you aren't his type and he still likes his ex. I would dump him. :(

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    • I have no doubts that he cares about me. But when I've told him that he hurts my feelings when he says those things, he shrugs it off. And he tells me I'm beautiful all of the time and I believe that he's sincere but he's insensitive with his comments. I've confronted him about the working out and his excuse his is that he let himself go after she left him and he wants to get back into shape.

    • I wouldn't believe him. He might care about you as a person, but he's probably not in love with you and certainly doesn't respect you. It's time to move on and let him pursue his ex IMO.

  • If a guy can't appreciate you for who you are, then he is not worth your time. Don't change yourself for a guy when there can be a guy out there that will love you the way you are. I say let him go, he'll miss you, trust me they always do.

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