What would you do or have you ever been in this kind of situation?

So this guy was my best friend. He meant so much to me and I always thought there was something so special about him. One of those people you always want to have in your life. He was never really emotional, it was always hard to see that side of him and I was always interested in seeing that side. I didn't think I ever really liked him more than a friend, but it always came and left here and there my attraction to him. It wasn't until this year when I had strong feelings for him. Since the end of last year he had been super flirty with me and very attentive. He always noticed when I got something new or changed something about myself. He would call me beautiful and became really protective of me which is something I was never used to. Even though I would joke around with him and reject his playful advances, I feel like we both knew we had an attraction to one another. So about a month ago I was at my friends house and he came over. This was after I really came to the realization that I liked him. We were laying on my friends bed when we started cuddling. It was probably one of the best feelings being in his arms. It was seeing a new side to him that was loving and caring and affectionate. Something he never showed anyone. I felt special. The day after we talked and figured we should make something of it. Unfortunately, I, who had never been in a relationship and terrified of even the thought of it started having really bad anxiety over everything (which always happens when I get close to somebody) and I told him a day later that I wasn't ready for anything serious yet. Throughout that week though he kept asking me to go on dates and just give it a shot. There was one night where I just said that he needed to stop because I already explained to him that I wasn't ready. I found out that just a couple days later than that he told a girl that he was in love with her. It was a girl he had been talking to for years, but her parents never let her date him. That made me feel like nothing. I felt like I was just a distraction for him to get over her, which was obviously a failure. Well now they're basically together. He's apologized to me and wanted to become friends. We even met up a couple weeks after I told him to stop and I just ended up crying the whole time. Something I NEVER do because I'm not an emotional person. But he just sat there. He couldn't emotionally connect with me at all and it killed me inside. It was like our whole friendship was a total misunderstanding of who I thought he really was. Every day I miss him so much and wish that we could be how we used to be, but I know it will never be the same. He's one of the only guys in my life that I thought highly of, it just felt like too much to lose one more person. I lost my father last year and I've felt unprotected and uncared for since. He was the one that made me feel protected which meant a lot to me, but I'm also thinking that maybe he's not the right person to be in my life right now.

Updates:
If I had decided to just forget about my fears and stick to dating him do you think it would have gotten better? Or do you think it would have worked out the same way? I have regrets on both staying that night cuddling with him and also telling him I wasn't ready. I don't know if either of them would have led me to feel pain anyways though.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You can't protect yourself from being hurt by building walls. You're learning that the hard way.

    You have to try. And sometimes it's amazing, and sometimes you get hurt, and when you do, you pick yourself up and move forward.

    Building walls doesn't make you strong, in fact it keeps you weak. You basically - and I don't mean this to be insulting - have the emotional maturity of a 13 year old when it comes to relationships. You are going to continue to be this way as long as you prevent yourself from gaining experience. You want to wait till its safe? Life doesn't work like that. And trying to make life safe just feeds the part of your brain that wants it to be.

    You're devastated over a one evening cuddle and emotional connection. I understand why and I'm sorry but I have some bad news - there's gonna be a whole lot worse then that ahead. But there's also going to be much much better.

    Have more faith in your ability to get through heartache, get out there and live.

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    • I'm not offended you're definitely right about that. I'm pretty mature in all areas except that one because I've never just taken the chance. I've been like this for years and I've made it impossible for myself to actually be in a relationship. I just need to forget about my fears and actually try it. I don't necessarily think the cuddling was the reason I was so hurt, I think it was just that we were best friends and it ended because of that. Anyways thanks for your advice!

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What Guys Said 1

  • You should just leave him.

    If you think he's not the guy for you now, then you're better off with dating another guy.

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