My boyfriend is really cold and distant towards me

So basically me and my boyfriend have broke up 3 times over the past his past. I was jealous and insercure and I pushed him away and I never ment it, said some horrible things like 'you f***ing bastard'. He forgave me one last time which I was so greatful he did! but he's so distant since it, he barely says he loves me and avoids coming to see me because it takes 'to long' any other time he'd jump at the fact he could come see me! Its really hurting because I'm now the one who asks him to go out, to phone me, to Skype and its like he doesn't wanna be with me? I've confronted him about it and he says 'you pushed me away Megan and I wanna believe youve changed but I cant, it takes time even if you don't like it.' He doesn't care when I cry or when I'm upset, he just argues back.

Is this just the recovery stage or has he simply had enough? Should I break up with him for the best or give him time to heal like he says? I'm 15 by the way and he's 17 (dont judge that) but he's a lot more mature than me so I tend to cause pathetic arguments


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Dear Megan:

    Your words stabbed him. He may be 17 but to hear someone you care about call you a f***ing bastard rips your heart out. For whatever reason he hasn't broke things off cleanly like he should but his heart just isn't in it. You burned up your chance when you said what you said and now you've got to live with it.

    Since he doesn't seem to know what to do, you need to take the bull by the horns and do the right thing. Break up with him. Don't be nasty, don't say mean things, just be clear and firm "I don't see any future in this relationship. We shouldn't see each other anymore. I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings but I believe it would be best for both of us." Keep your distance for a few months and then maybe call to see how he's doing. If he's healed then maybe he'll be warm towards you. If not then at least you've done the right thing by giving him his freedom.

    Best of luck to you, I wish things were different but you sound mature enough to hear the truth.

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    • Thank you, why can't he just simply tell me that then? He's still lovely and he hates it when I leave his house but over text we just don't get on anymore, where amazing in person. I love him so much and its so hard to let go but life goes on I suppose

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    • its different though. He said if we broke up he could never take me back because he wouldn't be able to deal with the pain, plus he's joining the army in a year so he has that to think about

    • People that say "never" don't usually know what they are saying. The Army is going to make a new man out of him, he will know all about how to deal with pain after boot camp. He'll have his head sorted out by the time he's done there, give him a call before he deploys and see how he's doing.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Megan,

    Here's a quote:

    "Emphasize reconciliation, not resolution.

    It is unrealistic to expect everyone to agree about everything.

    Reconciliation focuses on the relationship, while resolution focuses on the problem.

    When we focus on reconciliation, the problem loses significance and often becomes irrelevant." --- Rick Warren

    It appears that he's on the way out.

    On the other hand, you're learning the power of words.

    "You are the master of unspoken words, once spoken, they become your master."

    It's kind of abstract, but I hope it helps. We can "talk" further in comments.

    Ted

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    • I didn't quite understand what you where trying to to say sorry?

    • Well, that was a smashing success! It appears that I sent an empty response

      There are problems. He's fed up with your behavior.

      If there's something worth salvaging, focus on the relationship that you wish to have, not on the relationship that is,

      In other words, be nice to him and keep your mouth shut.

  • Forgiveness is harder than people think sometimes. What I mean by that is we think forgiving is just saying I am sorry the other person sais OK. but A lot of the time for me I don't think I really forgave. I did not hold it against the other person but did not really for give and then I got angry at myslef for being upset.

    it does take time I think I would say look I understand it takes time I ma hear when you want to see me. give him one week. text or call and say hey I wanted to see how yar are doing if you have not talked. Say I have not seen you for a week I know it takes time to forgive but some of that time need to be time together. If you are not ready that is OK. give him one more week and then say you know it has been two weeks I and we have not spent time together it seems you do not wan tto work on this. It doe snot only take two weeks but there should be a mix of time together and apart.

    not just apart then you ae going to be angry for being neglected.

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  • MAybe date guys that aren't perfect 10's? What's so wrong with average looking

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