I believe my mom is racist.

I honestly do. It drive's me insane the things she says, and when I call her out on it she says "I'm not racist, its just what they are"

I'm not allowed to date anyone who's not of my race, because she doesn't believe in interracial marriages.

I currently don't, but if I liked someone of a different race, I'd want to be able to pursue it. Not be held back by something like that, because I do not agree.

Is there anything I can do in this situation?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Unfortunately, there are some older ideas that were common in our parent's generation, and they have held on. There are some signs of change, but it is usually a cover for the racist feelings. For example, people that perpetuate stereotypes, like black men all being gangsters that don't take any part in their kid's lives, yet say they aren't racist. Or moms that say they have no problem with African Americans, yet won't let their daughter date one, or even think of dating one.

    I call these people believers in the "Other" theory.

    They say they aren't racist. Yet, other races are the "others," people different than them and not meant to mix with them. They can have opportunity and share a public venue, but heaven forbid they mingle with "your" group. It's the "separate but equal" policy, which didn't work the first time and isn't working still.

    Yes, it's racism. Yes, your mother is racist.

    The absence of racism means that you accept that we are all the same, with just a minor genetic difference that decided our skin color. It comes from evolution-our skin types adapted to where we lived-but it doesn't make us any different. At all. The absence of racism also means that you don't believe that other races are different, or need to be separate, from your own. You accept the superficial differences, but understand we are all the same beings.

    Hopefully, that's you. Not racist.

    But it is incredibly hard for older generations. They grew up in the Civil Rights era, and in the time after it, where race still played a very large role in society. I'm not saying race doesn't play a role now, but we can't imagine a teacher not teaching a student because she/he is black, yet our parents lived through it. So you have to take into consideration the history your mother has lived, how she was raised, and the situation she was brought up in.

    Then, be thankful you were born when you were.

    What can you do? Really, nothing. You can't change her mind, especially at her age. It is exceptionally hard to teach those who are racist to NOT be racist. Continue to do what you do, feel how you feel, and stand up for what you believe in. If it does become a problem down the road, for example if you decide to date someone of another race, then just be prepared to weather her comments and stand up for what you want and what you believe. That's the only way we'll ever get rid of racism.

    • I've never thought of it from that angle. Makes sense.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • I'm in the exact same situation as you are right now...(with the racist mom thing...I still date whoever I want) If you like a guy of another race the just go for it...Your mom will be your mom no matter what and besides it's your choice Not Hers. She will love you enough to accept your choice in time...Just don't let it get to you.

    • It's probably a bit easier for you though, your twenty-three, I'm sixteen.

    • No not really ....its still hard to deal with but if I can figure out a way around it so can you

  • I'd need more of an idea of what it is that she says that makes her racsit but maybe you shood ask her about y she feels that way and try and see it from her eyes

    everyone says about seein things from both sides but when it comes to the eyes of the "haters" they usually dnt wanna hear it

    but understanding both sides is key so try and maybe it'll make more

    sense to u


What Girls Said 2

  • I honestly don't think there's much you can do to change your mother's opinion. I've dated interracially since my very first relationship, which ended after two years because my ex's mother could not accept me because of the color of my skin. Despite the fact that I grew up in a loving, middle-income household with two parents, went to private school, and was pursuing a college education at the time (I now have both an undergraudate and graduate degree), I wasn't good enough because I'm black. In her opinion, black people were at the bottom of the totum pole, which is ironic because they are immigrants and I was born in America. Anyway, I ultimately felt sorry for him because he's weak. And to my knowledge (and to this day), he hasn't had a relationship as significant as ours. That was more than 10 years ago. I also hear from the person that introduced us that his mother is still the same mean-spirited witch.

    On another note, I know my parents would prefer for me to date within my race but it's a matter of choice and attraction for me. I love my parents but ultimately it's up to me. It's my life and in the end I think all they care about is my happiness. Plus, they can't really get on my case for dating interracially since all of my nieces and nephews are mixed.

    • That how my sister is. She has three kids, one is white, one is part Mexican and one is part Cuban.

  • I had a similar situation with my mother. You just need to sit does and have a heath to heart talk with her and make her understand that love does not have a race nor gender. If she wants to you be happy she will understand that. She is trying to look after you and make sure that you don’t get hurt…

    • Haha, she told me if I was bisexual or lesbian she'd kick me out of the house. She told me this when it was being rumored that I was bisexual (it was true, but I never told her for that reason, I basically changed that about myself so she wouldn't kick me out.)

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