I hate feeling like this :/ ?

Okay so this is going to sound really childish. I'm not childish but I just can't help it with this. So i'm in grade 10, two years ago ( yeah, something from two years ago is bothering me) this person I hated, tried out for the floor hockey team and so did I. After the tryouts, the coach -principal, came up to me and told me that she thinks I'd do the team wonders and that she wanted soemone like me on the team.. but I didn't make it. However, the person I hated did make it. I'm not jealous of her but It's just that she made it when she can't play. If she played ice hockey, she would be getting penalities quite a lot because when she goes to hit the ball, she pretty much always misses it and it hits people instead and she loses the ball really easily too. The number of times I took the ball off her in the tryouts :|. Back then, I just brushed it away. But now that I'm starting Ice hockey, I'm thinking about not making it into the middle school team. The stuff i'm going to say next is going to sound really stupid but I have OCD and even though I don't think i'm ocding over this, my brain still works the same way and my logical side doesn't really come into play so a lot stupid stuff bothers me.

Hockey was the reason that guys who bullied me, cheered for me. When these guys played on my street, they asked me to play with them, that was the one time they were nice to me. Hockey's always been something i've been proud of. It was like my "identity" and with her playing it just pisses me off because she doesn't care for the sport at all. She can't play either and i'm not the only one who thinks that but obviously the principal found something else in her. Because of her making it to the team, I feel like it's not something that identifies me anymore because I feel like i'm probably shit at the game if she made it and I didn't. It just doesn't feel like "my" sport. It's not something I can be proud of. I hate feeling this way, I want to love the sport again and forget her. But how?

This is going to sound stupider. But I lived in Canada since I was about a year old. Obviously that means I'm literally a Canadian citizen, even though I don't have citizenship yet cause I've lived here my whole life. When ever I go on and feel proud about being Canadian and stuff in history now -a-days, I remember this whole floor hockey incident and it makes me feel less Canadian and I feel like she's more than I am because she made it into the team. I want to stop feeling this way,


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  • Try other sports.

    Did you think the principle over look you for the role because you are not white?

  • You know you need to let this one go...

    • I know that but I don't know how to. I know it's stupid but it's just affecting me so much

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