How are my song lyrics that I wrote for a friend?

If you just want to see the lyrics, go past this paragraph...
Backstory: So I have a friend who went through a guy basically playing her for months. Like went to parents, asked to date her, cuddled with her, amongst other stuff. He was also doing that with another girl, little to my friend's knowledge. So suddenly, one day he starts dating the other girl and completely shuts my friend out from his life. She took it pretty hard because at this point, she was head over heels for him. So since she is feeling down, I was going to write a song for her (she loves poetry and stuff and helping me with my song lyrics). Anything helps!

People of GAG, can you help me and tell me how these lyrics are and if there any problems with them? Genre: Slow rock

Hearts can bleed out pain
From the purest notion drenched in blood stains
With this fate I'll ride
Through the lonely night
Chains rattling through my bones
Bounded by a lie

CHORUS: I tried to take a chance again
But this aching feeling steals my rhythm
When will I have to dance again
Under this god-forsaken moon

Eyes soft with a kiss
To seal my beat inside a box from Judas
Just another pawn
Sacrificed and gone
I'm left only with the truth
And the pain of moving on

CHORUS 2: Just another soul on the mend
Victim of a poor decision
To ever take a chance again
And dance away with you

Time came up and paid a visit
To drag to hell my innoncence
He created scars along the way
What hurts us most are the men we'll save

You told me we'd be great together
Building trust you saved for later
To crush my glass heart to history
Once again (sustained)



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  • I think they are very good - Quite moving