I hate god but can't ignore him?

so I've been religious all my life i loved god more than anything and anyone i really loved god but i'm suffering for months now and he doesn't help me at all!! and i even think that it's his fault that i got this problem, i don't believe in peoples feelings and emotions anymore, especially non believers and atheists like they're all sinners and filthy all because of god and it's killing me, it's 24 hours on my mind and i prayed so so much, i cry everyday and there is always that pain in my heart it hurts so much i hate it and i will go to a therapist but i still believe in god but i hate him i just believe that he exist but that's it. the only problem is i can't get hin out of my mind, my daily life was full of prayer in every situation, when i go out i say a prayer when I'm scared and when i need help, and i wanna forget about these thought's, it's over
i need help please guys what should i tell my therapist?


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