My boyfriend thinks I use my mental illness as an excuse to get away with things. Is he right?

Just to explain before I begin, I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety issues, and I am receiving long-term treatment for these.

During a recent, rather serious discussion about a different topic, my boyfriend said this to me. He prefaced this by saying he knew how awful it would sound, but I told him he ought to say it anyway. It may be important to note that by this point in the conversation, I was extremely upset and already in tears, and I know he didn't say it just to make me feel worse.

The way he explained his feelings was; on the rare occasion that I end up doing something I know will upset him, it seemed to him like I would always apologise profusely as soon as I told him, specifically in order to get out of any consequences. While I do indeed make a point of apologising profusely on these occasions, it's because I'm genuinely terrified that I've completely lost his approval and affections. I know that's irrational, but I really do worry about it on a regular basis, and after him saying this I only feel worse about it.

I'm really conflicted about the entire situation now. One part of me thinks he might be right; after all no one wants to be scolded by their significant other, so his argument makes sense in that respect. But the other part of me thinks what he said was terrible, and now I feel like I'm not allowed to react according to my emotions or he'll think I'm manipulating him.

Are either of us being unreasonable? I don't know what I'm supposed to do, or feel, or anything anymore.


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  • He's not right!

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