Honestly what the heck is wrong with me?

soo i'm 17, i have a nice job working as a barista in downtown seattle which i find endlessly interesting and i get to learn so much about coffee and latte art, i go to school (community college) and i plan on staying in college until i finish a bachelors degree (i'm going for a computer engineering degree but i plan on it taking at least 5 years while working during the summers and winters), and i have plenty of people who i feel genuinely adore and love me and want me to succeed.
i'm not the "best" student. i get c's and b's but i try and i really like going to school to learn and also i paid for my entire first year by myself.
i don't know, to be honest with you i feel like it's my eating disorder. i am trying very unsuccessfully it's almost pitiful to self recover from bulimia. i am very very sick right now and i keep lying and hiding it from my loved ones for fear of having to go through recovery in a hospital setting which would kill me :/ i'm really afraid of missing a semester of school even if school is kinda annoying i have goals. i feel like for the first time in my life it's getting in between me and who i feel like is the love of my life. i have trouble loving myself and I don't know it's just hard to believe someone adores me so much and yeah I don't know.

i mean the obvious answer here is to recover right. i just can't cope without my ed and it's seriously the most disabilitating feeling like i'm almost a grown woman yet i can't even feed myself properly or keep down my meals some days.
i wish i could just recover. :/


Most Helpful Guy

  • You can; it takes time. Are there any local or support groups at your school? I'm sure if you Google around the area, there's got to be some support group similar to AA


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