I do not know how to think or feel anymore quite worried?

from early childhood I was raised as a fundamental Christian as I was raised as a young earth creationist earth is only 6000 years old. (which made science class difficult which is a subject I did well in) and my dad was teaching me from bible if you believe in evolution Satan has tempted and you will be given over to him, and your heart will be hardened and as you believed in Jesus you will burn even more as you rejected him and he showed me the passages from the bible. so this made me a very anxious and nervous child and I feel ruined the opportunity of my learning the social skills I needed to develop as kid as i really struggled to socialise as i thought i have to be carful what i think and do. I tried to question this a child it if it was true but I was scared that I was losing my faith and that I would be given over.

it has taken me to the age of 30 years but after losing the belief I have to come to the terms I wasted the best years of my life which makes me go through a wide range of emotions anger, rage, sadness, deep lioness, loss of identity and who I was and do not know who I am anymore. depressed, Just really pissed off that it took me this long to get to this stage and that I am a damaged person.

I am trying to learn to socialise finding difficult as everyone else is ahead of me. my parents say your not mentally ill just deal with it everyone has there issues, and my mother uses a lot of shaming language to make me feel bad. they are really negative people and only see the negative side of things. for example if something is only the telly he will always make negatives consending remarks, gets agry and raises his voice over the smallest thing for example using to much foil etc. and ealier to day he was going to the rubbish tip and was getting angry had to take some stuff through. they are toxic people.

the other day i forget my belt that i need for work as its a secure building i noticed i did not have it and it started shouting at me saying its what you need to here to help to remind me i think that is an excuse i really shouted and ripped into him back. not the first time either, when i was in a deep spell of depression i lost my faith and was dealing with other issues, i threw my bibles away and he said threw the door do i not want to go to heaven anymore meaning you are now going to
I have lost my faith in Christianity and if evolution is true then it is just a chemical reaction for me to experience to over ride logic and reason so the love chemicals make you less rational and more willing to hand over resources from a logically point of view.

I really hate feeling like this I have been through some quite traumatic experiences from a relationship that put me in great depression that, and I was very scared as a kid that I was going to the lake of fire of being told if I


Most Helpful Girl

  • Almost everyone on the planet was raised with a belief or two that they later outgrew... take some comfort in that.

    Gaining your own insights, beliefs and emotions is part of becoming a grown man/woman. It's not always a fun transition, but becoming your own person is exciting. And terribly necessary.

    Do yourself a favor and put some distance between you and your parents. Get out a little. Even if that just means spending more time outdoors in nature. That should give you some much-needed perspective. Hope things get better for you soon!


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What Guys Said 1

  • Happens all the time. Welcome to reality. After a major change in beliefs, I would expect that there would be a lengthy adjustment period. There are professionals than can help. You can also look up faith conversions.

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