This "picture" isn't getting out of my head. Would you have same feelings if you saw it?

There is a guy living in my dormitory, whose long time girlfriend is out for some internship and they live together in the same dorm room. He brought a new girl to his room yesterday night. I thought they were just friends but this morning in the common kitchen, this girl was touching him in the places one should not (to a committed guy) and he just moved his hands away when I went into the kitchen (He was a bit shocked!!). His girlfriend definitely doesn't know it. The picture of this girl touching him was floating in my mind the whole day along with the picture of his girlfriend who keeps on cooking and cleaning after him all the time she is here. This guy does not cook most of the time and when he cooks he leaves the mess which his girlfriend cleans when she returns from school. I feel constantly bad about this. I know its not my business but still I feel bad for his "down to earth" girlfriend. It makes me a bit scared and skeptical too!


Most Helpful Guy

  • These sort of images don't go away so easily. This guy seems to be a complete jerk. If this 'other' girl knows that he is already committed to someone else, then she's no better than him either.

    I went through another comment you made, wherein you mentioned that he's a lawyer so you'd rather not mess with him. But this has to be stopped. I mean... isn't there ANYTHING you could do? Perhaps use a VPN service to mask your ip address, and then send her an anonymous text on some social media?

    If you put yourself in her shoes for a minute, wouldn't you want to be informed if your long term boyfriend was cheating on you behind your back? Please don't get me wrong. I'm not implying that this would happen to you, but I'm only trying to consider the wider perspective here. I agree that we can't go on a mission to correct ALL the wrongs around us, but I personally feel this is something which CAN be made known to her, without putting yourself at risk.

    You know, it is jerks like this who have created the stereotype of 'all men are cheats, and they want only sex' amongst a lot of women. So the actual 'sensible' men, who wouldn't even dream of cheating, usually bear the brunt. This may not seem much, but you letting her know about it in SOME way would really save her from a lot of heartache and misery later on.

    Just my sincere opinion. In the end, it is your call because I am only basing my response according to the details included in the question, and am not aware of other factors which may be at play over there. :)

    • He thinks he is the "alpha" guy but in reality he comes off as a complete jerk. I don't know if the "other" girl knows about his real girlfriend or not.

      I think eventually his girlfriend would find out about him. Such relationships do not stay longer. I meddled in one of the relationships of my friend (a guy friend) who was cheating on her girl (who was even my friend). But I was with her. STILL the stupid girl went back to him and now they both have a problem with me.

      I understand what you mean by putting myself in her shoes. I get really sad when I see her. She came back before 2 days and the moment I saw her, my face shriveled with sympathy.

      Anyway that guy does not like me at all because I have my own voice as a woman. He does not like any woman who speaks against him. I really hope his girlfriends comes to know everything about him.

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    • poor guys xD Your gender is equally under pressure as ours.

      Yes he has problems with me and I better stay away from him.

    • Hehe, no! It's not like we are under 'pressure', but these alpha, beta labels are so ridiculous! We aren't wolves, you know! :P

Most Helpful Girl

  • Maybe you could slip her some anonymous note. Put it in her bag when she isn't looking?

    • I would not meddle in their business because the guy is a practicing lawyer... I might get into trouble. (Pretty selfish of me, yes). Also she needs to learn how her boyfriend is, all by herself.

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What Guys Said 1

  • No, I don't think I would feel that way (at least not so much). I would probably feel bad for his girlfriend but there was a sort of similar question here on GaG a few weeks ago where I described how I lost two friends - one of which was one of my best friend - because I stuck my nose into his relationship business (he was cheating on his girlfriend) and because I assumed the role of some stupid moral preach. I didn't mean to. I also just felt bad for his girlfriend and I only meant it for the best... but had I know what huge pile of broken glass I would end up with, I would have just kept my mouth shut. Because of this very painful experience, I've learned my lesson concerning other people's relationships: I will never again stick my nose into this stuff. It might seem a little asocial of me because sometimes it would be an act of kindness to tell the person who is being betrayed. But I just don't want to have myself involved in any drama anymore. Plus, through this experience I've learned that usually, you just make these sort of things worse by trying to do something kind. Another example is a story my mom told. My mom is a psychologist and couple therapist. Now, when I was a child we had neighbors who were good friends of my parents. One day, the neighbor came over to our place and asked my mom for advice because his marriage with his wife was getting more and more shaky. My mom first rejected him because you should never be a therapist for people you personally know (friends/family members). However, the guy insisted and so she gave in to his begging. Like me in my experience, she really only meant to be nice and help out a bit. Unfortunately, his wife eventually found out and totally freaked out. The whole thing ended in a huuuge drama. The neighbor-wife accused my mom of having an affair with her husband and helping him to work against her. The two neighbors eventually had a divorce and the formerly close friendship between them and my parents completely broke apart. And all just because my mom was perhaps being a bit naive and trying to be a nice person.
    So what I've learned from all this is this: my business is my business and other people's business is other people's business. We're all adults and if somebody struggles with his/her girlfriend/boyfriend or wife/husband, that's their own problem to solve. I can't work it out for them and I don't want to work it out for anyone. I might feel bad for this guy's girlfriend but eventually, it's her

    • own problem if she's being too nice to her boyfriend. She has to learn these things herself. I have my things in life to learn, other people have their things to learn. And if they don't learn their things, that's also their own problem.

    • I know you are right and I do not want to put my nose in their business. I am just too sensitive about matters of companionship. It hurts. The kind of experiences you told about, I've been through them and even if we are nice, we come off as interfering. In the end it is devastating only to us.

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