I could give a long list of reasons why I have hard time trusting people but all that really matters is that these trust issues of mine our plaguing my life and I want it to stop. It's not even that I don't trust certain people per say, it's that I don't trust myself in trusting the right people because I believed in the wrong people before and I all I ended up was hurt. So, I now I'm constantly afraid that's going to happen again. I feel the more I have invested emotionally, the more scared I am and the more little things (that really aren't that big of a deal), become a big deal to me. And, it's never my heart or gut instict telling me "whoa this isn't right", it's my mind telling me "it's happening again how can you be so stupid". I want to make those thoughts go away and I want to trust again, especially the people in my life that have been nothing but wonderful to me and have wanted nothing from me but to be in my life. I want to be able to enojy those people without any fears or doubts.
So, does anybody have any advice or idea how I can let those crazy thoughts go and just allow myself to trust again?
Now, for my second question (which pretty much ties into the first). How can I let all the pain people have caused me in the past go and not bring into the relatinships (what ever kind they may be) with the people who are in my life currently or come into my life in the future?
I feel every sentence I start that pretains to my trust issues, always is corralated with something someone did to me in the past. Even though I've let it go, I guess I can't really let it go (if that makes sense). So, any advice or ideas on how I can truly let the past go and not let it interfere with my present or future?
Any help someone could give me, would very appreciated. Thanks.
Most Helpful Guy
If I've learn one thing in life, its that you can forgive someone/something but you'll never forget it. Nor should you, honestly, because that is how the brain works:
Sources of negative or positive stimuli will key your subconscious towards noticing such things, pinging you to either move towards or step away from those sources should you encounter them again.
That said, the ultimate problem here is two-fold: You are afraid of being hurt and you want the control to never be hurt like you were again. Its not unreasonable to be afraid of being hurt, but you cannot let fear control you. Fear is supposed to keep you alert and focused, to make you hypersensitive to changes in yourself and immediate surroundings and thus act on them quickly. But you cannot let it rule you and/or paralyze you into inaction. Nor should you allow yourself to become a "hermit" because you are unwilling to open yourself up to potential (but unconfirmed) sources of pain: other people.
Sometimes, you have to let the walls come down and allow someone the potential to prove you wrong or right in your suspicions. Its not comfortable, I know, but unless you are willing to give up never dating seriously again, you have to give a little.
The second problem -- that of control -- is tied into the first issue, your fear. You want control over another's ability to hurt you, if only to prevent it from ever occurring again. The problem with this is that people cannot be controlled in that way nor do you possess the ability to control whether someone wants to hurt you. The only thing you can control, in this case, are your reactions and the people you choose to hang around with. Like the former, it isn't unreasonable to want to control every little thing in a relationship, but it is unrealistic and incredibly unlikely that it would come to pass. You have to be willing to give another the opportunity to potential prove you wrong/right in your suspicions.
I hope this helps.0
Most Helpful Girl
I think its fair to say most people have been in some form of relationship at some point: family, friend, or lover, where things have gone sour, but you've got to realize that every relationship you have comes with disappointment, rejection, fear, and abandonment to some degree. There is no prefect relationship, someone you are with is going to mess up and holding them to some standard where they have to be perfect is not realistic. Think of all the mistakes you have made in your life. If for every one of your mistakes, someone in your life, got rid of you, you wouldn't have anyone left. We aren't perfect human beings, and we do make terrible mistakes, and we do hurt other people even if we don't intend to, but standing around and waiting for it to happen or forcing the hand in a way by never trusting anyone, will only leave you lonely in the end. I'm not saying in every situation you forgive the other person, but you have to learn to work through some things with your partner/friend, whomever. Yes, they've screwed up, yes it hurts, but if the situation were reversed wouldn't you want another chance. I think what has helped me the most is giving someone another chance and not just accepting an apology and letting it go, but watching what they do after wards (actions speaking louder then words). If they are trying to do better, rectify the situation, or trying to regain my trust again, they are worth keeping, but repeating the same things over and over and abusing our relationship trust or not bothering to even address a situation is a red flag and someone I know is not worth fighting to keep around. Good luck!0
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