Should I change my parenting style or is it ok? My girlfriend says I need to change cause i'm too hard on our son, should i?

I have a 4 year old with my girlfriend. I was raised tough and if i did something wrong i got yelled at or even hit. Both in learning and just being dumb and doing stupid things, overall i did fear my dad as a child and that set me on a path to not to drugs or join gangs or get in trouble with the law. I don't really hit my son but when he does something he knows he's not suppose to i spank him. My girlfriend hates when i do this and also hates how i yell at him if he does something wrong. MY girlfriend told me many times to stop and be more nice. My girlfriend pust him in timeouts while i spank if he does something bad. Just over the past 5 months i nocted he listen to me more rather than my girlfriend.

Should i continue my method or not? My girlfriend gets mad at me when i yell at him. I can admit and say she knows more about parenting than me but i'm not sure what to do. I also do reward him if he does something good. Both my and girlfriend are 24 (if that has any relevance to this)


Most Helpful Girl

  • Bringing your child up with fear like that isn't the best thing to do. I agree with your girlfriend when she says to be nicer. My parents were always very laid back and allowed my sisters and I our freedom (to an extent) but were strict and parent-like when necessary so we knew the difference between right and wrong. A punishment I had when I did something wrong was I was to stand with my nose (and nothing else) touching a wall. Nothing was around me and I would stand there for maybe 5 minutes. It's a less severe punishment that kinda forces you to think about what you did because there's no distractions.

    • my parents were the opposite. Very strict. So then you think i should be a tiny bit more nicer?

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    • Okay, good luck to you!

    • thanks

Most Helpful Guy

  • I have three kids - one 30 year old daughter... a 27 year old son... and a 15 year old daughter. The two oldest are college grads and have great jobs. No problems ever with law or drugs. No behavioral problems.

    I never spanked any of them - neither did their Mom.

    My Dad spanked the shit out of me when I was a kid - so did my mom.

    I think the spanking stuff is all myth. I don't think it does anything. I mean, if you have a kid that is truly on the way to the prison yard - then maybe spanking him is a favor. But spilling milk on the counter or other minor offenses - not worthy of spanking.

    If my kid STOLE something - maybe I would spank them to get their attention.

    I just don't think spanking does much. Truth is - I truly believe most of the behavioral problems come in the DNA. I wasn't particularly a great father - because I was frequently gone... but my kids are great. I have three brothers - and that's about 9 other kids and they're all great too. I think my other brothers spanked tho.

    But I didn't.

    And my kids are great.

    • Good to hear they are successful. 2 years with my son i was in school and graduating next year. Looking for a job is my biggest concern. I have 3 options to look at and all of them takes time away from my kid. My girlfriend hates the fact that i have to work for long hours but i told her it's for the greater good.

      Sorry i got off topic but i know i won't have that much time to spend with my son so i want to make sure when i'am gone he does things correct cause my girlfriend is soft with him and he doesn't quite get the lesson. But i will try not to hit anymore. I can put him in timeout but makes he knows 100% what he did wrong and not to do it again. I'm doing this because if i work 8 hours a days i will only get to see me son maybe once or twice a week.

    • When you are younger - there is a tendency to correct every single mistake because you feel that if you don't - your kid will be ruined.

      I think ideally - parents in their 40's make the best parents... that's when I felt I had the wisdom to make judgements and allow some things to slide. I might comment on them... and I definitely raised my voice a few times but nothing serious.

    • Alright, thank you. I won't smack him anymore and use my voice (but no so much yelling) to tell him what he did wrong and so on. I can also say i was really dumb by not using a condom and i still kinda don't like it. Having a child is a huge responsibility and still to this day it's a bit tough. But i will your advice and the advice of others on here.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • You can be stern but fair.

    • i do reward him if he does something good as well

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    • I care less about the rewarding.

    • well if he does something wrong for 3 or 4 times then i smack him and tell him what he is doing is wrong. if it's something small i yell at him and tell him how to do it right or not to do it again. My girlfriend is better with our son but my girlfriend puts him in timeout and takes his toy away from him but he does it again after sometime. If i hit him, he doesn't do it again.

  • I've seen studies showing the negative effects of spanking. Yes it will make your kid behave, bit it should only be used as a last resort, and only be executed immediately after the child disobeys you. I found it very effective when I was babysitting to take something away from a child for a period of time after they were misbehaving. Whatever toy he is playing with or activity he is doing. Physical punishment is not healthy for a child.

    If he's screaming or someting, take away his toy until he stops. Things like that.

    • i only smack him if he does something wrong like 3-4 or times in a row. My girlfriend puts him in timeout and takes his toy away from him but he does it again after sometime. If i hit him, he doesn't do it again. I'am not a angry person or anything like that but i learned just speaking to him doesn't work as much. Yes he does listen sometimes but if you were to smack him, he knows not to do it again. Me and my girlfriend get into arguments if she see's me smack him.

What Guys Said 1

  • Gotta have both sides of the coin. You aren't biased. You punish AND reward. If you were just punish only like your girlfriend is pretty much reward only, the chances are that the kids gonna go astray.
    Me personally, I say thumbs up. If your girlfriend wants to be the soft one, you need to be the hard one. Good cop, bad cop. every child needs one of each.