I am so down, and could use help?

Parents are divorcing, no one feels like talking to me due to lack of social skills thanks to lifelong bullying. I don''t know what to do, i am getting very depressed and want to break this negative circle, but i just currently have nothing to live for, no purpose, no relation. Nothing.

I don't even know what i expect to gain from typing this, i guess nothing


Most Helpful Girl

  • My life was very similar to what you described a few years ago. I wasn't bullied but I was abused and as a result I'm extremely withdrawn and self-conscious. My parents divorced right before I left for college, and when I got there I was so depressed I could barely leave my room for class, much less socializing. So I went basically then entire year without any friends. And it was just straight up awful. I actually ended up attempting suicide and afterwards, was put into a partial-hospitialization program that was basically just group therapy all day. I started taking anti-depressants and getting regular therapy, changed my diet, etc.

    Most social support I found online anonymously like from Reddit and stuff. I felt like I couldn't take my depression anymore, every single day. Literally, everyday I felt like I had no other option than to kill myself. Somehow... I managed to get through two years of that. Honestly it was nothing more than blind faith that kept me going. You need to have hope for a better future. I promise there is one waiting for you. Use this time to learn about yourself and what you need to make yourself happy. I would have never become interested in Psychology if it weren't for my experience, which is now my major in college and what I aspire to pursue professionally. I never would have met two of my best friends (from group therapy) if it weren't for all the negative stuff. There are so many things in my life that I love, and owe exclusively to all the negative shit I went through the past few years. And to be perfectly honest, as miserable and horrible those years were, I wouldn't change a thing. Because it was necessary for me to go through it in order to have the life I have today. I wouldn't say I'm over it, but I am so, so, so much better off than I was. My point is that, while you may not see it now, there is something good that will come out of these circumstances. Trust me. Seek treatment like therapy and put yourself out there. Social situations scare the shit out of me to this day, but I've learned to accept feeling uncomfortable. It's okay to have negative emotions. You can succeed in all areas of life in spite of whatever personal circumstances - use this time in your life as motivation to achieve a better life for yourself.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Hey man, it's a bummer that you're going through this rough time.
    The fact that you want to break the negative cycle is a good first step... you recognize that there's a problem, and you have the desire to make things better. Kudos to you for that.

    Being bullied sucks, and I'm sure it's left its mark on you, but remember the the past is the past, right now is where you are right now, and the future is where you're headed. The future is NOT your past.

    Social skills can be learned and developed, it's not one of those where you either have it or you don't. There are TONS of books out there that teach social skills. I HIGHLY recommend you find a copy of "How to Win Friends & Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. It's been around for decades and is a very powerful book, you can get it on audiobook as well and I'm sure there are. PDF copies online or ways to get the audio for free. (Audible. com offers a free trial and a free book, you could get it that way if you like the idea of listening to it).

    Another book that might be helpful is a book called "F**k It: The Ultimate Spiritual Way" by a guy named John Parkin. It's a humorous book (if you couldn't tell from the title) but very helpful and full of wisdom. Here's a quick video about it: https://youtu.be/YtJr5ZpHe8s

    Do you have any hobbies? Are you in to music at all? How bout exercise or physical activity?

    Getting out and going for a long walk to get fresh air, clear your head, and get away from the negative energy at home is great when you're feeling down and depressed. As a bonus, you can listen to audiobook while you walk.

    Know that life does get better... Things are always changing (and always will), so even though life sucks right now, there can and will be better times ahead. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep your head above water, and try to work on yourself a little bit every day. Over time the transformation will happen, your past will feel like it was so long ago and you will feel like a whole new person.

    I'm happy to chat or just listen if you need to vent or want to talk about anything.
    You can and will get through this dude...

    *Big over-the-internet hug*

    • thank you :)
      i myself am a drummer! so yeah music is a very big part of my life
      i bike to the bus which gives me half an hour of pure silence and i sometimes between lessons go to a room and sit in silence
      i like the video! and i am planning to keep my head up, since i am lucky enough to have full mental control over my moods, so suicidal thoughts can never occur. i just lost control and wrote this in a moment of losing my control (mom was freaking out)

    • Dude, beat the f**king hell out of those drums, channel the negative energy into your music...
      I play guitar but always have felt like drums would be such a good meditative sort of practice, just putting on some headphones and jamming to something loud, fast, and heavy... Seems like it would be a great way to let the anger, frustration, and bad energy out and turn it into something that feels good. Not to mention the physical aspect of it all...

      Rock on 8-)

    • yeah that as well :D i used to be fat so i never really saw my muscles but damn! i have to walk sideways through the bus because my shoulders are too broad xD

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 6

  • I feel the same way. Honestly, I think we both need to go get some help. I feel so close to death or I am already dead! I have been bullied by guys to the point where I was afraid of them and I have no purpose and I am doing bad at school! All I can say is do something you haven't done in a while! I like anime and romance. So when I watch an anime about love I feel all happy and excited and it get me to daydream about that instead of being sad! Its doesn't always work!

    • damn.
      we sound alike, anime fan as well xD
      i will get over it, in fact i am really calm now. i wrote this because my mom was freaking out and screamed a lot which dropped my morale

    • Yeah this why I stay in my room and I don't talk to her!

    • She yells at me for no fuckin reason! Anyway any anime recomminsation? hahah romantic type!

  • First of all I am so sorry that you are going through this, divorce really affects children more than the parents. But be thank full that you are 18-24, younger kids take it a lot harder. Talk to your parents and tell them how you feel. Go outside for a walk, talk to your friends. I know you will come out of this situation soon.

    • yeah i know, i just got to hear that my dad is an egocentric asshole and since i aspired to be like him shocked me a lot, friends like i said i have nigh 0 :(

    • Well now you know that you don't need to aspire to be him. You can be a better person.

  • I never understood why would anyone be depressed because their parents are getting a divorce... If they were miserable together than it's a great choice to get a divorce.

    • nor would i
      but i am stressing out
      i need to fake happiness all day round. also they never said anything and suddenly my dad's gone from my life and i hear all kinds of shit about him, how am i supposed to just shrug it off!

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    • then focus on something else.. you're going to be stuck and fucked up with that attitude.. we all have problems and issues in our lived.. some deal with them better than other, but they deal. so just chill out, listen to some chill playlist on youtube to calm down and clear your head and then deal with your issues. :)

    • i tend to calm down with a lot of inner focusing and accepting my situation which i just did, i now feel the same as before my sudden outbreak of weakness

      i tend to get myself stuck when thinking negatively but sometimes i cannot help it

  • it's just a phase , try to do ur hobbies, join a club and u will meet many people there.
    if you want to talk im here ,(there is a lot of stuff to talk about) :)

    • my hobbies mainly consist of things i do alone, so yeah not much comfort since i think a lot, but clubs could be possible. except for that i live in the middle of the dense swedish forests and the closest "city" is 70km away from me and i haven't got a drivers lisence yet

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    • it could very well be that i am shy! but i can talk with people when i care about what i say, i am really bad at talking about trivia. i can have so much fun with political or philosophical discussions but most people i know don't like that kind of talk, they just want to say how much they drank last week :S
      it sounds very arrogant, but i need some sort of "level" of conversation

    • haha, i talk a lot about politic too , i talk mostly random , for me talking just comes i don'tplan the converstaion which make it the best :)

  • Hello, if you want to talk about it? You can feel free to send me a message. So you can feel better and just tell someone to help you out

    • that could help, but what to talk about?

    • Right now! You are down, sad, angry mix emotions. You need some to talk
      And someone to try to help you out

  • I'll give you my number if you want to text. I know how it feels to feel like life is pointless and there is no reason to live. Just let me know

    • i don't know what to talk about, though i've never even thought of suicide, nor will i most likely

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    • it did teach me that at least hypocricy is even in the persons you trust most. i really hold a grudge to my parents for lying to me my entire life.

      but destiny? i don't really know, it sounds so egocentric to think that all is for "me"
      (i do not mean to bitch at your way of seeing life of course :) )

    • But it's not egocentric... It's how I believe life is for everyone, not just me. Like this divorce is happening to teach your parents AND you a lesson. ... I know I could be wrong but it helps me when I go through hard times. 🙂

What Guys Said 4

  • You're right we don't have a purpose in life it's us that create that purpose and it seems like you have one but you don't know it yet

    • i know that down to my own core, but right now i have 0 support, going from very sheltered to not having anything

  • Hugs to you

    Life can be very tough at times but what keeps you going on is the fact that it can change in a blink

    • i know, don't worry suicidal i shall never be, i just want some sort of new purpose to my life

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    • i am a drummer so my frustration is 0. my exercise is my means for gaining confidence but not really relaxing

      though feelings i have few, appearently it has to do with personality but i do not have strong feelings

    • so drum them out be the next Keith Moon :)

  • dude get off the internet and go outside or find a hobby! staying inside all day will only make you more depressed. when ever i feel down I jump on my dirt bike then I feel great after wards. just find something you love doing and do it, it will go a long way, hope i help and good luck.

    • when i feel down i started practicing drumming, but yeah i live far away from any kind of civilization and money prohibits just about anything new at the moment

  • I'd be up for talking, if you want.

    • i just have no clue what to talk about

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    • @imanf7 haha thanks xD yeah the starting is not a problem, the keeping it going is

    • just message me lol , i feel like im begging you now :p
      people like me, can never stop talking so no problem here