Am I being a buzz kill because I am trying to protect her?

Okay, so it dawned on me that some men think that women who keep their friend from leaving with a guy she just met at the bar a buzz kill. Don't they know that if we do that we know it is what our friend would want. I would always tell my friend when a guy is just trying to get her pants. The times she didn't listen to me I was right in the end ( she is a grown woman and all I can do is warn and suggest). Am I killing her fun by being the lame friend? Just wondering.

  • obviously
    Vote A
  • yeah kinda
    Vote B
  • no
    Vote C
  • results please!
    Vote D
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Also her other friends ct like they have a problem with me being the voice of reason. They had a problem me trying to keep her from drinking. i know when she is emotional she drinks too much and she hates herself for it the next. Besides, I'm the one who always has to take care of her afterwards.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Depends if that's what she wanted or not. What if she was trying to get laid? Though it's good to watch out for your friends.

    • I already said I stop her when that's not what she wants. When she tells me she just wants to get laid I warn her, tell her to be careful, and the decision is in her hands. I. Most of the time, she wants to believe everything they say because like a lot of young women she is looking for love. She is ready to settle to down. She just move 5 hours away for a man she knew for a month and dated for two weeks. Like i said she is a grown woman and I can't make her do anything. All I can be is the voice of reason and that shoulder to cry on.

    • Oh, it sounded like it was more of an assumption. I think it's good you look out for your friend, you should, that's what friends are for. But of course the guy who's trying to pick her up's not going to like it, your goals are both conflicting, you're essentially cock blocking him. But you shouldn't worry about that.

    • Ok thanks! I feel like it's hard to explain all of the factors that led up to why I do what I do. I know what I know and she eventually lets me know everything because she knows I wouldn't talk crap on every decision she makes. Nobody's perfect.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think your friend was obviously looking for sex - otherwise she wouldn't have left with the guy.
    She did it on purpose - no matter how unthinkable you might find it.
    She might pretend it was a mistake, but we all know it wasn't.

    In her mind you're probably being a buzz kill but also a dignity preserver - she needs this delusion (i. e., she needs you to think she didn't want this) to think she's still morally dignified...

    • From your update - yeah, All I said stands to absolute reason. She wants you to believe all she does are flukes and she's morally perfect - but she's far from it.
      She needs to grow up - or own up to who she really is.

    • What you said is hard for me to believe not because it is unthinkable but because she never presents herself as perfect. I was only talking about the times she doesn't want to be a hookup. She tells me when she is just trying to get laid. When that happens I just warn her and the decision is in her hands. She tells me because after everything that she has done that she feels ashamed of I have never judged her or made her feel like absolute crap for it. She wants to settle down and unfortunately she falls easily and gets hurt in the end. I know she wants to settle down not just because she tells me but because there has only been times she has gotten drunk while with me. One of those times she cried asking me why no guy wants to be with her and if there is something wrong her. She even called herself a screw up. All she wants to do to get married and have kids. She basically moved 5 hours away for a man she knew for a month and dated for two weeks.

    • No, she doesn't need you to believe she's perfect, she needs you to 'look after her' so she might cling to the idea she isn't a 'screw up'.

      Yeah, she sounds unstable. That kind of a person shouldn't be drinking.
      And no, you're not a buzz kill.

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What Guys Said 2

  • That's what friends do and we love them for being the sane voice in our lives

  • To be honest I would lose respect for a girl who allows someone to make her decisions for her. she's a grown woman and should be able to say no for herself or agree to go on a date.

    • You missed to the point. When I say she listens to me I don't mean she listens to me just to be listening to me. Anytimes she does listen to me she has already sat back, thought about it, and have already decided he was on bs. I have no say in dates. I would never tell her not to date someone because she has to get to know the person and know to wants to settle. Almost all the men who approach her at the bar stand up against the wall staring at women trying to hook up. I am talking about those men. I know how she is.

    • That describes every redblooded man everywhere. She always has option of leaving or taking a number to set up a date. Mens first instinct when it comes to dating is does or doesn't he want to bang the girl. So basically your turning away all her potential relationships.

What Girls Said 2

  • How is a friend stopping another friend from getting chopped up into little pieces a buzzkill? Like oh noes... he can't use his... chainsaw? on you now... no stop?

    You're being an awesome friend. If someone doesn't appreciate that they need to stop thinking with their hormones and start thinking with their brains.

  • i say no...