Just recently realized that I've got some repressed memories of child abuse. It's effected my trust and comfort with guys. What should I do?

I've always been kind of uncomfortable around guys, and with physical affection. I feel a lot of anxiety, and I'm always scared of expectations, or pressure. I've walked away from a situation with a guy feeling really violated. I've never actually been in a relationship. I always feel the need to take things slow, physcially.
Just tonight while talking to my best friend, I came to realize that I've got some repressed memories of... well, I can't remember what. I just remember my parent's friend staying with us when I was... probably about 7, and I hated the man. I hated when he looked at me, and I avoided him whenever I could. I always felt so uncomfortable around him. And I remember thinking "touching". That's what I remember. It's like big black block letters in my head. "TOUCHING".
I was typing this out for my friend, and I'd never told anyone about it, or even thought about it much myself. It was always just kind of a distant, fuzzy memory floating above the surface. But as I was typing it out, I started crying. Like, sobbing. I started feeling like I was going to have an anxiety attack. That's why I think this is real. That was a real reaction. I don't know what happened. But it was something big.
So with something like this, where do I go from here? What am I supposed to do with this? I don't trust guys. I don't trust that they'll respect my boundaries, and comfort zone. I worry that they'll either push me to do something, or bail on me and make me feel embarassed or guilty for not wanting to. The one guy I've been at all physical with (just kissing and he was... touching and caressing me a bit) I felt weak and small with. I felt violated, even though he didn't do anything major.
So yeah, I don't know what to do. I just don't want to be scared anymore. It's why I feel so much anxiety about dating.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Therapy, therapy, therapy!
    It will be a long-term commitment and won't happen overnight, but seriously, find a therapist (male is probably best) and give it an honest effort for however long you need to. One of the benefits (besides working through the abuse and putting it in proper perspective, is that you will learn to have a relationship with another man, but WITH boundaries and respect.

    Don't let this problem fester, life's too short to miss out on all the good that can happen when you're in a close relationship with a guy who really loves you, cares about you, and respects you. You don't deserve to miss out and feel weak or like a victim.

    Take care of yourself, the future "you" will thank you.

  • The sins of the few... im sorry for what happened, but this is really something a girl can help with... me... clueless.


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