Is my female friend (who I like) punishing me?

She's a really great friend (yes she is pretty and I am nervous with her). She is 10 hours ahead timezone wise.

Really good rapport in person and normally fun texting. She is enthusiastic 100% of the time. But the last interaction, please HELP!

1. I text her a sweet message (afternoon my time, midnight hers)
2. She replies in minutes with enthusiasm wishing me same.
3. She texts me how are you? the next day (morning my time, late afternoon her time)
4. Being busy and out of the flat, also wanting to impress her in a text convo, I wait. I then text her I'm doing great, mention a hobby (to give a hook for further convo) and ask her how SHE is. (midnight my time, late morning her time the next day).
5. I do feel bad as normally we text mutually, initiate mutually, and text in real time or within half an hour or so. I did end up replying to her 17 hours later. But now a day later (over 24 hours), no response to my how she is? And she read the msg?

What did I do wrong? Now I feel awkward like I can't text her again?

by the way I do think she is so nice and don't know how to tell her that in person or by text. Long distance and timezone is different just to clarify. Help?

Please any help guys/girls?
Just to clarify the timings:
1. I text
2. She reads and replies within minutes.
3. She texts me 8 hours later.
4. I see, but don't read. I have to leave, and want to listen and text her to flirt. I get stuck out the whole day.
5. 17 hours later, I read and reply at once.
6. She reads 30 mins later but no reply after 3 days?

10 hour time difference between us. She is a really pretty great friend of mine. I try to impress her, am nervous and now feel so sad.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Thanks again for your help with my question - I have followed your link.
    You said you saw her message that morning but not read it (?). If so, would she have seen that you had not read the message yet?
    If she would have seen that you hadn't actually read the message for 17hrs, I think she is being quite childish, to be honest. She needs, then, to be a bit more understanding that you are adults, and you're not always going to be able to respond to her straight away... sometimes things happen (work, daily life etc).
    Don't feel bad about this, you have nothing to apologise for. The fact that you responded within a day or too should have shown her that you weren't trying to deliberately ignore her. If she hasn't responded to you for 3 days or more, she is ignoring you, and playing games.
    I hope that helps in some way =)

    • No problem at all, glad to have helped on yours! Thanks for getting back. Ok so:
      Yes that's right, I only read it 17hrs later when I was free (I had such a busy day that day) and replied straight away. So from her point of view (in her timezone which is 10hrs ahead of me):
      1. She receives a text from me wishing her well midnight her time.
      2. She reads and replies within minutes to wish me well too.
      3. The next afternoon (her time) she texts me how have I been doing.
      4. I read the message and reply 17hrs later the next morning her time (Sun). I respond with i'm well, mention a hobby (to stimulate convo) and ask her how she is?
      5. She reads the message after 30mins, then doesn't respond. It's been like 4 days?

      Now I feel awkward and sad. I don't know whether I can text her again. Most of the time, it's been mutual initiaton. We're friends, I really value her (nervous to tell her that), yes I may have a teensy crush hence nervous as she is pretty?

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    • It could definitely work, I think the timing will be really good for you now. A nice, friendly, light-hearted Christmas message should be a positive thing. Earlier would have been a bit too soon I think, as she wasn't replying. But now, I say, go for it.
      Thanks for MHO! Merry Christmas!! Good luck!

    • You too!

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 7

  • Perhaps with the '10 hour time difference between us' here, dear @brocha she is Beginning to have this change of heart with you both being Apart... Long distance.
    '17 hours later' she may have gotten this sour ball in her mouth and Now... The reason of the not so sweet season, things could have gone South.
    All you can really do is try and try again. If she replies back to you, you both Need to come to some sort of Compromise to Get on the same page so No... Rage.
    Good luck. xx

    • Yeah I just feel sad. I still value her and view her as a really great friend. But I never know how to tell her this when I see her in person ( we meet up when we visit) nor texting lol.

      I mean I initiated this whole text the other day. She replied in minutes (midnight her time). Then the next afternoon her time she actually asked me how I am? By the time I saw it, I read it and replied at once as if I just got it (so didn't say sorry for being late, but was really enthusiastic and jokey), this was the next morning her time. I gave a fun line, a hobby and then asked her how she was back?

      I don't get why she never responded and has been online often enough (even today?)? I feel like I did something wrong but don't know what... I mean she hasn't replied despite reading it for a week now? And I'm scared to text again before Christmas cos the message screen shows 3 texts from me in response to her.

      She'd probably text me on Christmas (given she's ahead on timezone), so should I wait?

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    • How to avoid such problem in future? When do girls like to be texted. I mean sometimes she texts me she's in bed so what should I be saying? Or when she's going to the beach?

      Other times she's having a long day. Or asks me how I am as she did this time?

    • With LDR and time problem, it can be hard, sometimes even with internet, cell service and so forth.. How to avoid this problem is Both of you need to talk and get on the same page and there has to be understanding. xx

  • I straight up deleted my contact cause i thought he Was ignoring mr now i can't find him you should text her just in case

    • Yeah I won't delete buy don't know what to do?

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    • Yeah I think so

    • Thanks

  • I think that she felt that u didn't really care too much about her, not to reply. Is she still not replying to u?

    • But I did reply as soon as I got back and saw my phone? Still no, I don't get why?

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    • Yes, that one!:)

    • Thanks! Any good one for new years? Flirty but also friendly? And emoticon wise?

  • I think it's the time difference. Maybe you ought to find a new crush where distance won't be such an issue.

    • Was it tho? I texted her, she responded immediately midnight her time. So I initiated. Then she texts me again next afternoon her time. Then I text back next morning her time. And ask her how she was back?

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    • Nah messages are read if you actually open your message app and read it. Not if it appears on the lock screen.

    • That's what I mean. The screen can stay on in someone's pocket. Happens to me all the time. It's why I turned read receipts off, because it makes people crazy.

  • I think maybe it's because she thought u were ignoring her. Therefore she did the same

    Just wait it out and if she doesn't say anything after 1 or 2 days, ask her what is wrong and tell her u are sorry for ur late reply if that did upset her in any way and make it clear to her as to why u replied late in the 1st place

    women can make movies in their heads sometimes, believe me

    • u should say sorry though

      I know for a fact that she may be upset because she thought u were ignoring her

      if my boyfriend did that, even if i know he wouldn't ignore me purposefully, I would be upset. It's a female thing

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    • I dont think it is too forward. Just dont start with that message. Haha maybe in the middle of the texting do it :)

    • Ok yeah point

  • Send her a text saying i haven't heard from u in awhile text me if ur still interested. That to me just clears the air if the othere person still wants to be bothered

    • But she's a friend? And is it to many texts given I sent 3 lines back to her how I was?

      I feel nervous cos do I lose value as a desirable male friend if I text again without her texting?

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    • Thing is it hasn't been ages ages but it's almost like when someone says hi how are u on the street u respond and then ask them back and they just walk off leaving you hanging?

      I'm hoping or trying to make the one positive and fun again? So those msgs ok so you reckon? Any other example?

    • And example for new yrs?

  • You made a rookie mistake: ignoring her for too long. If you can't respond right away, that's one thing - but you need to let her know what's up afterward, otherwise she could feel as though you don't prioritize her. Stop getting in your head about "Waiting so you can have an impressive conversation with her", don't play games. If she texts you, respond, if you can't, either give her a "Hey I'll talk to you later" or explain later on that you were too busy to respond.

    All you can do from here is apologize for not answering her right away and hope she gets over it.

    • Thanks for opining! I do see your point and I totally agree with ignoring deliberately. But, with regards to that point (number 5), I didn't do it intentionally. In the first place, I initiated contact with her. It was me who initiated, so does that not count for something?

      As for the delay, which I feel terrible about (it was 17 hours sigh), I genuinely didn't just wait to try and look cool. I was so busy it was unbelievable. In the morning, when I saw it, I couldn't reply, cos then same thing would have happened.. I would have been stuck out the whole day. By the time I got back, it was midnight in my time zone and I was nervous for ten minutes before replying. So it was ten minutes of trying to be impressive.

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    • Your advice was noted, but it appears you didn't read what I posted. It wasn't spamming lol, this is my thread?

      The point being did you note the exact timing and what was said? I, and I repeat I initiated the texts. She replies instantly, then 8hrs later messages me afternoon her time. Then I reply when I was free next morning her time. What have I done wrong. She hasn't responded to a simple how she is?

      Now I feel awkward. So what can I do with this friend? Is it ok to text again? I would appreciate your advice based on reading this comment than generic, apologize, you are wrong like all men etc. If it had been the other way round?

    • Honestly, you come across as a dick. So you're on your own.

      Also, repeatedly commenting on somebody's post when they don't respond quickly IS spamming. I noted the time, but that doesn't really matter. If you were busy or didn't have time, you could have explained that to her. I don't think "all men are wrong", asker, seeing as I never claimed that. If you're unsatisfied with my advice then I guess you'll just have to ask somebody else.

      Next time someone tries to help you, you may not want to act rudely and spam the crap out of their comment.

      Good luck.

What Guys Said 4

  • Well the only thing that I can notice here is that you took a long time to reply to her text and to be honest, women actually don't appreciate men who are not good at communication skills. I mean you taking a long time to reply to her text might have given her that impression that you are not giving importance to the friendship. You may have had your reasons for the delay but still it was not right of you to not respond for such a long time.

    Did you apologize to her, did you explain to her the reasons of your delay? if not that could be a reasons she is not replying to you now.

    • I do see where you're coming from. Literally I saw it and felt awkward. I mean I am really never not prompt when replying to texts except if I out. Now normally with this girl it's mutual initiation and quick responses (maybe minutes to hours in time zone issues if we're asleep.)

      But one time before this happened I did note she replied about an hour later, I was out the whole day. I did explain I was out without saying sorry. She took time o respond but didn't read until she did. And it was more spaced out than normal and that worried me. But then it got quicker and after a meet up in person later on got fluid.

      Found out she's single so is she now doing text gaming lol?

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    • I genuinely wanted to text talk to her (have a flirty convo in near to real time) but just left the house and saw it on my screen when out (tho I didn't officially read it till I was back). Unfortunately I got stuck with some family stuff and when I got back was exhausted. Trying to impress her and not wanting to mention boring things, I ended up just reading and replying enthusiastically to her and asking how she was back (that was her 2nd text)? So from her perspective, she receives a text at midnight, texts back then. Then texts me again in the afternoon, receives a reply by next morning and sees I just read the message then and there as well?

    • by the way this is also a friend? I feel bad yes. Trouble was I saw how earlier she had sent the message AFTER I had just replied. Then I felt awkward to say sorry. I feel terrible but also cos whilst I may have been delayed by just under a day, she didn't reply for over a week?

      Now what to do to recreate a positive flirty mood? She normally texts for holidays first given she's ahead timezone wise?

      Can I recover? And next time, is it better to respond early even if it's just a lame response e. g. good, how are u vs. i'm loving the weather, footballling these days, how are u?

      I really wanted to hear how she was and playfully listen to her?

      For Christmas can u send a flirty msg?

  • i think you should just text her. maybe she is waiting because you waited. maybe she feels like your interest isn't as strong because you waited so she's started to go cold... or maybe she's just been busy

    but either way if you like her just text her. the worst than can happen is she thinks you are into her or realizes she misinterpreted the previous lapse in time between your texts

    • Thanks for getting back. Yeah I see your point, but I don't get it. I mean, you see the part where:

      Just to clarify the timings:
      1. I text her to brighten her night.
      2. She reads and replies within minutes at midnight her time.
      3. She texts me again afternoon her time (16hrs later) asking how I am.
      4. I wake up and get stuck out the whole day family stuff.
      5. When I'm back, I read and reply at once. I write a witty line, a line about a hobby and ask how she is back. She receives the text next morning her time.
      6. She reads 30 mins later but no reply after 5 days?

      10 hour time difference between us. She is a really pretty great friend of mine. I try to impress her, am nervous and now feel so sad.

      So why did she ask me how i was suddenly later? Why did she then not reply despite I gave info etc and asked HER how she was?

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    • This is a friend too by the way.

    • look up... we already talked about it

  • I kind of agree with @RJGraveyTrain but I also feel that you have to remember that people are busy and have other duties as well. I agree that choosing to wait that long to respond was probably not the greatest idea but don't be surprised if a few hours pass. If your conversations are usually rather fluid I wouldn't worry it could have been a busy couple of days it happens.

    As for no reply in 3 days. Conversations have to stop somewhere and if I get a text way late and it doesn't seem appropriate to respond 4/5 hours later then I simply won't. If you're concerned start a new conversation, be mindful of time differences it would be easy to forget sleep schedules with that big of a gap, and see what happens.

    • Yeah I also agree with @RJGraveyTrain about being prompt and courteous - I am both in person and texting. Literally I don't play mind games. I get nervous, but don't deliberately text late. I mean if someone says hi in person, why would you ignore right?

      But thing is normally it's really fluid, even with time difference, I'd stay up (much easier to do than in the morning when you have to go somewhere) to talk to her text wise. I'm the type of person who opens doors for her in person and texts her at midnight on special occasions.

      Thing is I was busy, this has happened once before, and on that time I did mention I'd been out. This time I didn't and wish I had. Both of us normally initiate, she became single recently so maybe she's analyzing people more I don't know. Let me try to explain, other than great rapport in person and mutual initiation, here's how the recent exchanges went:

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    • My advice is to figure out you first. As of the above points I feel like there is nothing to be said, hence why I haven't said anything.

    • Ok, but point number 1 about friends and touching?

      And as for this text, from her perspective, I've msged you to ask.

      What about now, can I even text her or just have to wait given she didn't respond to how are you back to her (after she asked me?)

  • 17 hours isn't that long to reply, she shouldn't be annoyed by that. 3 days on her end isn't ideal but not the end of the world. I've had no response for over a week and still got in regular contact with women again cause they were just really busy.

    • Agreed. I was genuinely busy. Did you see the part that I actually initiated contact in the first place, does that count for something? Then she replied within about 2 minutes (it was midnight her time, there's a time difference). Then the next afternoon (her time) she texts me asking me how i am. When I finished work and got back, literally I read it and texted back something fun, a hobby line and how was she. Which she read and then did not reply to for 4 days now?

      Why is this, I mean why ask me how I am and not bother to reply to me? What was the point?

      Also does it make it awkward to text something fun to her now? Given that the message screen looks like this:
      Me (2 lines)
      Her (2 lines)
      Her (1 line how you been doing)
      Me (1 line)
      Me (2 lines)
      Me (how is she)

      What do you think? I was hoping to text something, but don't want to appear needy/awkward as my last texts (technically 3 as I sent them as separate bubbles lol) are still on the screen?

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    • Just go with ur instinct, your making me feel like the one talking to her!

    • Lol ok. I'll try.

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