How heartless was this? Of all the days to behave this way?

My mom brought me a present (today's my birthday), of a bag she had bought for everyone, (she hadn't bothered buying something special just for my birthday), with some 'goodies' in it.

She bought my elder sister, who she favours a leather bag for $100+ for her birthday.

I didn't even bother trying to feel bad, I just told her politely I didn't want it. Her reaction was, 'OH just because it's a bag that was already bought,' I said no I just didn't want it.

Then she said, "Today your mother is there so I can buy you a gift, otherwise who is there to buy you a gift?' (knowing full well that no one really wished/cared to wish me today).

I started tearing up even though I tried really hard not to, and told her to get out. She continued making a fuss until I literally slammed the door.

She came back a half hour later with the same gift in her hand, saying, 'Why aren't you coming out,' in this poor little girl voice. When I threw her out again, she started crying and yelling a fuss saying, 'NO RESPECT. SHE THREW ME OUT. IF I WAS EARNING MONEY THIS WOULDN'T HAPPEN."

She still fails to not surprise me even after all this time, of how she can be both wrong and still make this about her.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Talk to your mom, tell her how jealous and upset you are you're not her fav.

    • You know this is precisely the reason that I never tell anyone about this.

      My sister is a bitch. She uses the favouritism for her benefit. I'm both prettier and ironically smarter, despite the school differences. I also know everyone in my family realizes no one will really believe me when I complain because the end result is she graduated from the better school.

      This type of behaviour is so sad and demeaning. When I buy something for someone as a gift, I either do it with my whole heart or not at all. This whole, 'this person is lesser, she can do with a used bag,' isn't just about the bag.

      I hate this word jealous. It makes it look like I'm in the wrong. When if you look at it from my perspective, it's a nightmare having to live in the same roof under two people who can be as vindictive as them.

      I'm jealous because I was treated badly. Yeah that makes a lot of sense.

    • I sense a lot of jealousy in you. Hell I'm better looking and taller than my younger brother, but he gets spoiled by my parents the most. Do I care? Nope.

What Girls Said 2

  • It seems like this is not really the issue. I think you and your mom have a lot of underlying issues, and this situation just made everything come to the surface.

    I do think it's not as genuine that she gave you a bag that she bought previously, while she got your sister something "better"; however, she still thought of you and gave you a gift, and I think that gesture should have been acknowledged by you; I would've still appreciate the gesture. Then again, I don't know what your relationship is like with your mom, since it seems that you two have this love-hate thing going on.

    Honestly, I think you're being a bit selfish. I'm not saying you're wrong in this situation, just selfish. I really don't see or understand how you can say your mom was wrong... for what... throwing you out because you disrespected her? The reality of it is that you did disrespect her. She didn't disrespect you... she gave you a gift on your birthday. It wasn't the gift you wanted because you were comparing it to your sister's. Because it wasn't the gift you wanted, you basically threw a "tantrum" and refused the gift. How would that not hurt your mom's feelings? I would be hurt. Then, she tried to make it better & you slammed the door at her. She tried more than enough times to appease you and she went to you; you were the one refusing her, multiple times. It's no surprise that she lost patience with you and threw you out. It seems like you're actually making this situation all about yourself.

    Again, I really don't know what your relationship with your mom is like, so I'm writing this just based on the context of what you wrote.

    • It's not even about the gift. I just wanted her to go away. What really got to me is her response, "Today your mother is there so there's a person to gift you otherwise who would care?"

      This type of manipulative shit is something she says and does all the time. She really uses the biggest insecurity someone has against them and does this consistently with me. For her to do that today of all days is just... come to think of it completely consistent with her personality

    • It's unfortunate that it's something that she consistently does, and that it's consistent with her personality. She knows what gets to people and she uses that to her advantage. On the other hand, she does that because she also knows that she can get a reaction from you (or whoever else she does it to). It is manipulative, and I'm sorry you have to tolerate that; however, she will keep doing it because she knows she can get a reaction out of you. I'm not saying it's wrong to have insecurities (we all have them), but since she's using that to get to you, just play it off like it doesn't bother you. You'll find that she'll stop playing on those insecurities since you won't be reacting to her.

      I don't know your situation, but n this case, then, maybe you should consider moving out. Your age indicates that you're old enough to get a job/make money, so maybe it's best for you to not be living with your mom.

  • She bought you a gift. You should be happy for that, not look around at what everyone else has and compare.

    • It's not about the gift.

      I am well aware of what her thought process is. Elder daughter went to the better University, has more status, yup I'm getting her something well in advance.

      The younger one's just average, it's okay anything works for her.

      I would've been happier if she didn't bother getting me anything, pretty honestly

    • Well then why don't you talk to her about it

    • Because I've talked to her about it a hundred times. Each time, she cries, then she goes right back to doing it the next time.

      I'm so tired of her honestly. I know it sounds like a horrible thing to say, but sometimes I wonder what I did wrong to get a mom like her. I think 50% of my life's pain and issues relate back to her in some way or the other. I'm so sick of her, I doubt we'll even have a relationship in a few years