I rather be dead but I am not suicidal... anyone feel the same?

I am not going to kill myself, but I prefer to die of natural means. I feel like I pissed a lot of my life away. I am still very behind for my age. I can hardly interact with people and make friends.

I am 21 and a late bloomer in everything. I never even had a girlfriend. In fact, at this point, I don't even want to pursue a relationship. I never was a girls first love and I will never be a girls first love. Hypothetically, if a girl could be just as happy if not happier with her first love it would create a sweeter outcome anyways. I never got to experience love in my innocent days nor have ever been a girl's love in her innocent days. That is the biggest regret of my life. That shit sticks with you.

I lose every job I get. My social skills suck. I am always deep thinking and realizing things in life that I regret even more.

I am starting to hate people.

No... don't suggest I get help. I have been there and done that. I fantasize my death all the time.


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  • Hey, don't kick your own ass. Life will do that for you. The question is, do you have it in yourself to turn around and fight back? With a bullet in the chamber, and the deadline seconds away, can you tell yourself "I've done my best"?

    The honest answer is no, and you know it. You owe it to yourself to bury the past and start over new, and do things right this time around. 21 is young and that "young innocence" is overrated. That sweet innocent girl at 14 becomes intolerable at 18-26 when a flood of horny men turn her into a jaded, conceited smuck.

    That's reality. You know what else is? Girls who value men that work hard and show passion in what they do (and make more money but eh). You're that type of guy. Focus and achieve. That's all you need. The love comes when you least expect it.

    • I don't want to go too in depth... but there is something about young love that cannot be replicated later in life. It is not as spontaneous and carefree once you leave high school. That innocence disappears. And I think after that people tend to fall in love with ideals and values and attach them to people. Claiming that is "true love" but in fact people are actually falling in love with the idea of "true love" itself.

      But deep down inside most people have a soft spot for their first love, especially as they get older.

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    • No... you are confusing sex with love buddy.

      They are two different things.

      I don't care if a girl has had sex before.

      I do care if she has loved before. Especially at such a young age.

      For example the girl I crushed on is still a virgin. But she loved a guy for 2 years and 2 months her high school years when she was 14 and 15.

    • Sure. If the fact she fell in love in High School is worth throwing your life away, I don't know what to tell you.

  • I feel the same way about missing out on experiencing young love and not having a great social life. I dont hate people tho :/

    I agree, Id never kill myself but If someone told me that I was going to die in my sleep tonight Id almost feel relieved.

  • Given your age you might have to wait half a century.