How to let go of your paranoia from past relationships going into a new relationship?

I have a major problem. I'm going into a new relationship holding onto things that have happened in the past and wondering if he's thinking the same way as my exes. Now, this guy is actually perfect compared to my last boyfriends but i can't help but be paranoid. Oh no he didn't text me back, he found someone else. Oh no i slept with him on the second date, we're not going to work and all he wants is sex. Oh no, he really likes me he must be playing with me. And the list goes on.

To help you out my longest relationship really messed me up. He thought i was fat and should work out, he cheated on me, i wasn't the only one during the whole relationship. It took him a while to make things official, he tried to make me the one that had fidelty issues, he was distant. I was stupid back then and wanted to hold on to him.

But now that i'm with a good faithful guy how do i stop feeling like he's going to play me like before? He hasn't made things official but things are going very well. I just want to let go of my insecurities.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Just take it slow, relax, have fun together. You don't have to marry this guy. Even if you two had sex early, that's not a binding commitment. Try to look at what you have now instead of dwelling on the past: easy said than done, I'm sure, but have fun, enjoy that youthfulness.

    Maybe one thing: avoid the temptation for confrontation. Hug it out, snuggle it out, talk it out. That's coming from someone who used to simultaneously hate confrontation but behaved in a way that invited it, would escalate it, with fears and insecurities leading to anger and distance.

    Anyway, just enjoy your time together. That's what a relationship boils down to: it's good if you enjoy your time together, bad if you're miserable together, and your past could make you miserable even when you should be enjoying your time together if you end up dwelling on it all the time.


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