So my sister really likes this guy and he seems to like her too. Im really happy for her and I do hope it works out.
But The thing is that for years my Mother has been asking and talking about why we (my siblings and i) haven't had boyfriends or girlfriends yet. The only one that has had a girlfriend/boyfriend is my Oldest sister. My mother never had problems finding suitable partners, so growing up i did feel like it was something wrong with me since i had no boyfriends, i barely get past the third date for the most part.
On top of that my sister seems to enjoy teasing me about her "accomplishing" things before me, since im the older sister of the two of us. She got her period before me and she had sex before me. She seem to forget that first of all i have no control of my periods and second of all i could have had sex years ago, but i chose not to have casual sex. She hasn't mentioned any of those for years, but with that history i just know she is going to remind me that im not "good enough" to get a boyfried i guess if and when they actually end up togheter.
The whole situation is very bittersweet for me because im very happy that she found someone, but at the same timee i just know they are going to constant remind me of the fact that im still single.
Im after all the older sister, i "should" have had a boyfriend by now or at least before my younger sister. Im already dreading it, i dont know what to do. it actually stresses me out, because despite the fact that i have decided not to be defined by others, the people i care the most about are going to think low of me in a way.
Any advice on how to handle this?
Most Helpful Guy
I know how you feel. My younger brother not only had girlfriends before I did. He's actually married now. And I'm still a virgin. Needless to say I felt like a real loser for a real long time. Maybe I am a loser, but I've come to accept and recognize a few things. First off, my brother was always more social than I was, second I made the conscious choice to not look for dates and instead focus on going to college and focus on my studies. Honestly, you just have to accept that you're a "late bloomer" so to speak and that you're taking your time. There's no shame in it. Unless you choose to feel shame. And if other people belittle you for it, well to hell with them. They're not you. They don't know you.
Most Helpful Girl
The best way to handle this is to handle THEM. When your mom or sister makes comments about you always coming in 2nd place to your sister you need to tell them that you are both individuals who live different lives, and thats why you do things at different paces. Tell them you are not a clone of your sister, therefore, you will not do everything identical to her. If you'd like, you can also accuse your sister of being insecure since she's always comparing herself to you and putting you down, this will wake her up for you. It might even offend her, but the truth hurts, because a truly confident person competes against themselves, not anyone else and they do not compare themselves to others. Lastly, I would try distancing yourself from them. Like don't tell them your business, when they ask you questions about your private life, don't give details, be very general and vague. Because at the end of the day, its none of their business who you have sex with, if you have a boyfriend, when your period is, etc. Stand up for yourself. Put them in their place, then put your guard up. I hope this helped! :)
- Show AllShow Less