So lately I've been measuring my self-worth through guys. I know it's horrible and I know I should like myself because of me and not how other people see me but it's so hard. I have never had a boyfriend and lately I've been having anxiety attacks about my future. Like will anyone ever love me like that? What if I have no one for prom but my friends do? Whow would like someone as ugly as me? I see guys and I'm automatically thinking about what he thinks of me. Does he like what I look like? Would he talk to me in public? I've been so obsessed and I don't know how to fix it. I don't want to depend on guys to make me feel good but I have Neenah. No matter how many times my friends compliment me it never equals the opinion of a guy.
Most Helpful Guy
I read through the posts and I'm surprised nobody said anything horrible. There's evil people on here that prey on anyone that hurts and needs help cuz they're miserable and misery loves company so if (when) that happens, don't believe them. Just remember this. The age you are isn't easy for anyone but some have more difficulty than others. The world today brainwashes anyone it can through media. You have to fit their idea of beauty, popularity, have boyfriends, wear the right clothes, have perfect hair, makeup, nails, skin, eyes, etc. None of this is true. Everyone has value and everyone has imperfections and it's ok. That's what makes you human and unique. I know everything that you mentioned is important to you and you want to succeed at them. The biggest part of success is loving and accepting yourself. When you do that, everything else will come and fall into place. You're so young and life is just starting for you. Try to relax and understand everything will be alright. Of course there will be someone that will love you and there's people that love you now. Be careful not to leave yourself open to being taken advantage of. Guys can be really predatory. There's guys that look for girls like you cuz they think you're easy to manipulate cuz you want to be loved and paid attention to. They will use that and trick you into doing something you will regret. Don't let that happen! They are very smart and tricky so never let your guard down. Don't think every one is like that but just be careful. If they try to get you to do anything and don't respect your feelings, they're using you. You're going to be ok, your future will be ok. So smile and keep you chin up. Stay calm, try to relax. If you don't get asked to the prom, big deal. If you do, great. I never went to any promos. I was way to shy to ask a girl to one. I turned out perfectly fine and you will too. There's a ton of great people on here that would love to help you too. Just ask anyone that posted here, including me. It's going to be just fine.1
- Show AllShow Less
Most Helpful Girl
I know what is it like to feel that way. You have asked for advice which is a great first step. :-D It does take time and work on your side and you must make that commitment to yourself. You ARE worth it.
I will add the fact you realise and want to change it now is great. Many people go through life without sorting this out.
The validation you get from boys and friend doesn't last because it comes from outside of you.
Try doing the following for 2months everyday then let me/us know the update.
It comes down to self love. Treat yourself the way you want a boy to treat you. There is something called Mirror work. (I have put two links at the bottom but also do your own googling.
Everything you want to hear from a boy, look yourself in the eyes and tell yourself this. You may feel silly to start with, you may laugh, you may cry but the more you do it the more it becames apart of you. Pick out features and tell yourself what you like about them. Forgive yourself for not being there before but your here now.
The more you do this, and other self love practices ( I can't put links in my posts yet so google mirror work and self love and put these into action) the more your healthy boundaries will grow and you will find you act differently, more confident but its a quiet confident. If a guy gives you a compliment, you will still enjoy it, but he will just be saying something you already know to be true.
You will feel less anxious. But it does take action on your part. You do need to commit to this & yourself the same way you want to commit to aguy. Trust me it will be worth it. You will have an inner strength to stand by your values and not allow yourself to be treated less than you deserve by anyone as well. x