Does tough love actually work?

  • Yes, Sometimes it's the only way.
  • No, It's just an excuse to be self righteous and cruel
  • It all depends
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Damn straight it does.

    I'm a strong-willed, stubborn, clever, relentless little bitch, lol. There's exactly one reason why I didn't end up out on the streets, or addicted to drugs, or fucked-up in any number of other extremely tempting ways when I was a teenager -- and that one reason was my father's VERY tough, VERY loving love.
    That man has one hell of a strong hand, and an indomitable presence. He means business. He almost never even has to raise his voice... because he doesn't have to -- everyone KNOWS what he's capable of, if Shit Goes Down.

    My father (a widower) raised me and my 4 brothers, all by himself, on a blue-collar income, in one of the worst and most gang-infested neighborhoods of Long Beach... and all 5 of us have grown up to be solid, upstanding, winners at life.
    There's only one way to do that, and that one way is tough love.

    By the way, too many people are forgetting that there are 2 words in tough love, and that the second word is "love".
    Abuse is NOT "tough love".
    Tough love is LOVE.


Most Helpful Guy

  • If kids don't know anything better they end up finding it normal, of course.
    All to often it seems to be a kind of revenge by adults on kids for what they had to suffer from their ignorant parents (who were overwhelmed by their responsibility and used or abused the authoritarism they knew.)
    Of course, it leads to a violent and hypocrytical society.


What Girls Said 5

  • It depends a lot on the circumstances, and on your definition of "tough".

  • NO it never worked for me!

  • No, I hate tough love. I see no love in it whatsoever.

  • worked for me.

  • No nevr


What Guys Said 3

  • It does with males, for sure. I think males in particular need tough love. Women need to be coddled more often, and men need to be jarred out of their solidity. There's a fine balance, but I do think it differs--in general--between women and men.

    In fact. I think tough love is more loving than traditional love, perhaps. It's easy to simply love. It's a lot harder to create a situation in which the other person might actively despise you when you love them. It's lazy to just go "I love you, hope you don't fuck everything up like a moron." It's dedication when someone goes "I will not fucking put up with it, and you need to get your shit together now."

    I suppose it's similar with men and women, but I think men are typically more resilient and independent. They're less influenced by social opinion, in my opinion. Speaking on a grand, general scale, not an individual one. Perhaps there is no difference. I'm not entirely sure. Either way, I think tough love can be effective and even more loving than regular love, depending on how it is used.

    In order for it to work, it has to be understood that it's coming from a loving place. And even then, it might torch the relationship. Or it could really penetrate the other's defenses and make them stop and think. In an argument, it's usually a battle. Each using their words to poke at the other person, most often the blows get deflected against counter words. I'm speaking of typical arguments to get someone to do something that is beneficial for them. However. When you pour on the heat just a bit, it can jar them and drop their defenses for a moment, to where your words actually reach them, and they understand more intimately.

    I'm not sure about this. Haven't examined the idea fully, but that's my first reaction.

    • "Women need to be coddled more often, and men need to be jarred out of their solidity."

      ^^ 100.000000 percent wrong. Incidentally, this attitude is exactly the reason why there are so many self-righteous spoiled bitches running around out there.

      I'm a winner at life precisely because my father raised me in EXACTLY the same way he raised my brothers.


      "I think men are typically more resilient and independent."

      ... yeah, because girls are raised by parents who have the attitude that "they should be coddled more often".

    • Show All
    • "If they live in a soft environment, then they should raise their kids to be soft"

      ^^ Can you explain that? bc I couldn't possibly have understood yr meaning correctly (I read it as "in the 'burbs, it's preferable to raise wimps")

    • @redeyemindtricks If one is living in a soft environment and raises a hard kid, s/he isn't going to integrate as efficiently as a softer kid would. Not a wimp, per se, but I'm thinking in extremes. Matching the kid to the environment it was raised in, essentially. Like if you were to raise a kid in summer heat, when they live in perpetual winter; or raise them to perpetual winter cold, when they live in summer heat. If that makes any sense.

  • it worked for me in some ways, im not on any drugs i have a job and am in education so pretty self sufficient in most ways

  • what do you mean by tough love?

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