How to manage doing and feeling?

Lately I have been thinking a lot about consciousness, human connectivity, the past, why I am so effed in the head, race, spirituality, etc. Thinking about these things along with my new relationship, gives me actual emotions, something I can feel both mentally and physically, something I have been out of touch with much of my life except for when I was a child. However I have found that feeling things incapacitate me from functioning in reality and actually growing up and becoming a responsible adult with adulting skills. I become an escapist and do many things that you may or may not associate with that notion. At the same time my new guy also makes me want to become a real adult because he is very proficient with communicating with people, money, and other street smart skills. I have found that I can only manage and put all my focus into either improving myself in regards to preparing myself for someday being a productive member of society and feeling numb, or focusing on my relationships with myself and others, and getting completely stuck inside my head with deep thoughts that lead to real emotions. I honestly feel like I am going to become a crazy person if I keep going down the path I am going. I am willing to make healthier, smarter lifestyle changes, along with working on my procrastination issues. I know that if I commit to the future, I will have more freedom to focus on relationships, feelings, and think about things that actually interest me. Is anyone else going through something similar? Am I truly effed? Any advice?


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  • I think we all need to work on ourselves before we can even think about having someone else in our lives

    • Sometimes I do even think about breaking up with him to work on myself but we are already too in deep. A part of growing up I feel is also taking resonsiulility for my actions, and I couldn't bring myself to hurt him like that. I would also be really heartbroken.

    • I also know that if I just purely work on myself I will not feel anything, and since I now know/remember how feelings feel (lol) I would prob go crazy if I rob myself of that.