How do I fix whatever is wrong with me?

I know I'm definitely lonely. I don't have any friends other teens think I'm weak (I'm 17 on June 30th). I also know I get upset when I see other teenagers because they're always in a group or with some significant other. I stay inside usually just because I'm black!. I live in a predominantly white neighborhood and I'm not racist I know a lot of people aren't but the people in this neighborhood are and they lock they're car doors when I walk by etc etc it just makes me feel bad because I'm not hostile at all plus I wear glasses I mean seriously. I have hobbies but something about everything I do never feels right. The only things that bring me peace are music and my imagination. I'm healthy (kinda short) but skinny sorta kinda a little muscular, I just know I wanna change something but I don't know what. PLEASE HELP ME! Thanks you if you read all that I appreciate it


Most Helpful Guy

  • External change can only be created by starting internally. People are like radio transmitters and receivers. Everyone constantly broadcasts themselves and everyone around that person receives and does the same.

    You are broadcasting something that makes you an outcast. Lack of confidence, weirdness, etc. There are many possibilities. That you are black and thus stand out physically just adds to it.

    What should you do? Work on yourself. Social competence doesn't happen in a vacuum, but is a skill that is learned and can be improved. Get yourself out there and push yourself out of your comfortzone.

    • Addition: In combination of people broadcasting and receiving. Also keep in mind that people still operate in hierachies and your lack of friends and confidence makes you quite low on that social hierachy. Thus it will be an uphill battle from now on (would be a lot easier in an area where no one knew you)

    • Hi thank you that makes so much sense but how do I gain social competence. Long story short I was rejected socially all my life and still am any ideas?

    • Thats the difficult part. There is no "this is what you have to do". Your best bet is to learn by doing and get outside of your comfortzone. Do things that you don't usually do. And question yourself. Ask yourself even about the most mundane things why you do or do not do them.

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  • I was in a similar boat when young. I'm half-Japanese, half-American and often viewed as a foreigner in both countries. I also bounced back and forth between Japan and the U. S. due to shared custody (parents divorced), while my father and mother were simultaneously moving all the time.

    As a result, I was always the new kid at school and always an outsider. I even excelled athletically and did things that were supposed to be considered really cool, like scoring the most touch-downs in a football team, but even then I was a loner. The guys would kind of party after and I'd be excluded. I managed to somehow even make athletics into a kind of "nerd" activity since I just trained and trained without becoming social and understanding the popularity game associated.

    My connection into that world I was missing was alcohol. After I graduated university, I tried drinking and found I went from a shy person who wanted to dodge everyone and avoid social interactions to wanting to talk to everyone.

    That's really a bad way though, I'd say it was a "cheat code" or "training wheels" to help me connect to the social world. You might be able to find a better way, but that's how it's done. You have to kind of face your fears (I did it with a cheat) and socialize and find people who take a genuine interest in you. Then when they invite you to hang out after school or whatnot, you should follow up and make an effort to put yourself out there, introduce yourself to people, make connections.

    In the process you'll build the kind of social skills and confidence in your own character and appeal to others to start navigating the social world and not be an outsider simply spectating.


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