Is being shy a bad thing? How do you overcome shyness?

For most of my life, I've been an introvert. I choose my friends carefully and I've always had the most lasting friendships with other introverts like me. My shyness is constantly mistaken for arrogance, unfriendliness, or weakness. Every time I participate in a discussion at school, I sound like an idiot when I speak. I don't mumble but I get so concentrated on the fact that everyone is staring at me that I mix up my words and sound awkward. I'm afraid of people judging me--whether it's by personality, appearance, or clumsiness (lol). I'm the girl people would probably vote as the shyest person in a class, but I'm not "antisocial" in any way. I know how to have conversations with people and I have decent social skills.

I believe my shyness has prevented me from COUNTLESS opportunities: like showing off the talents that I have that no one knows about, creating unknown friendships, learning how to be at ease with others, and maybe even be more noticed by guys I'm interested in. But I also believe it is somewhat a positive trait to have. 1) I don't get unwanted attention. 2) I'm an empathetic listener and I feel great that I'm the type of person a friend/family member can talk to about any problem and I would be there to listen and give my advice. 3) It's a great feeling to have truer friendships with people I know. Those are two "rare feelings" to have... and there are many "rare feelings" that I get to experience with shyness. I find it easy to express myself through art and writing (which is a strength) and I express more joy/appreciation when I experience happy moments.

Although I accept the fact that I'm shy, I want to break out of my shell a little more so I can experience the world. Although I've been told that many guys like shy girls, the last relationship I've been in was a mess because my ex would complain about my shyness and say that I was "too good" of a girl to date.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You can transform yourself 180 degrees u can't even imagine.1) Observe confident people and notice how they interact with other people. Try to imitate them as long as it feels right. If it doesn't feel right.. Learn from other people. The point is that, you need to keep trying new things until u finally discover ur true, unique way of tackling life. 2) The reason why you sound awkward and clumsy is because you are not in control. When you speak, learn to 100% forget what the other people are thinking. Literally... Just dont give a f*** and keep looking for the authentic version of Dana. 3) Aside from observing confident people and not giving a duck about what people think? u should identify ur insecurities and work ur ass off to destroy them. Lastly, when you do all that, start living outside of ur comfort zone. Do things u will never do. Even things that are not authentic to u. Do crazy things. Do stupid things. Embarass urself. Dont give s duck. Just keep doing and doing and experiencing. After every experience... U need to reflect. Thats how u learn. You say you experience true friendships because you are shy? Well i experience true frienfships too and i am picky about who to welcome into my life but I am not shy at all. I have hundreds of aquaintances yea.. I tell them hi and bye and i hangout with them sometimes. it is essential.. I learn from them and i build connections which is how i got my recent job.

    • I agree with your suggestions and I might as well have to embarrass myself and get out of my comfort zone. I just don't agree with the "authentic" part. Just because I am shy, that doesn't mean I'm not an "authentic" person. I already know who I am and I am very much an authentic person but I'm just afraid of showing it

    • With my friends and my family, I'm energetic, funny, and unafraid of expressing my true opinions. I already have an energetic/outgoing spirit about me. If I decide to show that, I dont want people to come up to me and say "Why are you talking so much?" and all that BS.

What Guys Said 3

  • Same here, especially with the whole "tripping over words when you speak thing"... in fact, I'm so introverted and shy in public that my family pretty much knows me as "antisocial". I know shy people are hard to talk to, and sometimes that's the reason why I don't like to contribute to conversations.

    I'm trying to overcome it, trust me, but years of being a loner on the elementary school playground has ingrained in me that this is my place. The way I'm overcoming it is pretty weird. Whenever I speak, I make it a goal to say something totally extreme and ridiculous, but still relevant. So, if someone asks me how was my weekend, I tell that that I tripped fell, died, came back to life, then ate a Subway® Meatball sandwich. It works for me because 1) I can concentrate on saying something unique instead of concentrating on how I look like as I'm saying it and 2) the other person 99% of the time laughs and plays along.

    tl;dr Basically, I'm trying to overcome my shyness by completely trolling people.

    • Oh wow lol interesting way of trying to overcome shyness. I guess it does help to say something ridiculous or just bluntly say whats on your mind. I wish you luck!

  • You can't change much as a person. Some are born confident others are more reserved. The best thing you can do is accept yourself. From your dp you're a pretty girl. Just be patient and im sure someone will come along.

    • I do accept myself, but my shyness prevents me from making more friends. I have a few close friends, but I've been practically invisible in my school. People/my acquaintances don't ever talk to me and guys don't even notice me. I want to change. I feel like people are missing out on getting to know me all the time.

    • That sounds very entitled.

    • If thats how you feel, i still strongly suggest listening to my original opinion.

  • Just love yourself
    Be confident about your everything :P
    Don't hide anything about yourself
    You sound decent though
    Though don't try to change yourself
    Just be yourself and you'll rock it


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