Will you tell me your best joke?

They can be as offensive or as clean as you wish. Post at your discretion though because GaG does have site rules.

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  • A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

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What Girls Said 11

  • This is something I saw that I thought was funny.
    Person 1: Why did the chicken cross the road?
    Person 2: Why?
    Person 1: To get to the ugly witches house.
    Person 1: Knock knock
    Person 2: Who's there?
    Person 1: the chicken

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  • The only joke I know that makes some people laugh is offensive so I probably around say it

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  • How many Polish people does it take to change a lightbulb?

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  • All my best jokes are offensive and will get me reported

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  • Knock knock

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  • What do you call a cow with no legs?

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  • I only have funny stories :/

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    • No worries :D

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    • Good lord. I hope all of that actually happened cuz if so that's hilarious

    • I swear on my life it did. Lmao. I could go for days on my life stories lol

  • My life.

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  • My life. HAHAHAHA!

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  • What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on? A white girl's ass

    https://i.imgur.com/GYd1B8l.jpg

    Why do white people burn in the sun?
    Evil can't stand the light

    Why can't white people play chess?
    Because they've been taught that all white pieces are kings.

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    • *laughs in politically correct manor as not to offend any blacks, Jews, or any other minority*

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    • White Power! 14/88

    • Honkey gonna honk

  • I don't get all the chances in the world to be offensive so:
    - Jesus fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread, but Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.
    -How does a black woman know she is pregnant? When she pulls her tampon out the cotton is already picked.
    -a necrophiliac was having sex with a corpse in the desert. two vultures were flying overhead. one looked at the other and said: "that's disgusting. those humans are savages." the other nodded her head in agreement. "i know; we may be scavengers, but at least we teach our children not to play with their food.

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What Guys Said 7

  • I'm not really good with telling jokes. This is probably the best original joke I came up with and it's offensive... "Why did the SONY (sunni) computer break? A shiite muslim used it."

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  • Difference between a sofa and a black guy? A sofa can support a family.

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  • what do you call a Chinese snakes favorite food? Chee sssssssssssssssssss.
    What do you call a woman who overreacts? Ovaries, cause you can't spell overreact without ovaries.
    What kind of business man is the most selfish type of person? A guy who works at a fish market selling fish.

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  • How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    2, but you have to get them in there first

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    • So there's an America, a Russian and a Mexican sitting in a boat; and the boats sinking. To delay the sinking, they decide to throw some of their belongings overboard.
      First the Russian goes, he throws out a case of vodka. "We have lots of vodka in Russia, I don't need this."
      Now the Mexican, he tosses out a box of burritos. "We have lots of burritos in Mexico, I don't need these."

      Finally its the Americans turn. He looks around, thinks for a minute, and tosses the Mexican out of the boat.

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    • Stop that nigga

      What do you do when you see your fridge floating away in the dark?

  • -Where do suicide bombers go when they die?
    Everywhere.

    - I hate dead people. Seriously get a life.

    -Interviewer: What would you say is your greatest weakness?
    Me: Im vague.
    Interviewer: Can you elaborate?
    Me: Yeah.

    -A bullet may have your name on it, but a C4 is more of a "To whomever it may concern."

    -Turns out cops get really upset when you slip out of your handcuffs and say "TA-DA!"

    -I walked past a homeless man today and put 50 cents in his cup and he was all "Thanks a lot you asshole. You ruined my coffee!"

    - "Rosa Parks was lucky we didn't own that bus."- United Airlines

    -It was very difficult to switch off my wife's life support system. I mean I had to fight off 2 nurses, a doctor, and my 3 children.

    -I surveyed a group of women and asked them what shampoo they preferred, while showering
    53% said "Who are you?"
    46% said "How did you get in here?"
    1% said "Pantene"

    -When I die, I want the phrase "MOST HUMBLE MAN" written on my statue

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  • My life.

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    • I will get some more blocks for it but you asked me for the best joke.

      Why do TERRORISTS MUSLIMS abstain from eating pork? Because that would be considered cannibalism ;P

  • I don't know any jokes.

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