Can anyone else not stand being alone?

Every weekend I am alone. Alone to my thoughts, alone to myself, just completely alone, and this amplifies my depression and obsession of finding someone to love.
Sometimes to combat it I can go out and get ice cream and sit at a table in public. As long as I am in public, I don't completely feel alone.
This loneliness is starting to cripple me. I can't focus on work outside of a job, I can't even pick up single player games anymore to kill time. During this loneliness I can sit or lay in my room dwelling on it for 8 hours straight literally doing nothing else.
I became more scared of the weekends than the weekdays, because the weekdays make my thoughts go away. Keeping busy puts my thoughts aside, and works as a temporary band-aid.
If I ever get a relationship (once every 2 or more years) I feel 100% better and normal again. My whole life feels clear, I am confident, structured, focused, and everything positive and good. I am even capable of being complete alone doing anything. As soon as it is gone (Usually me ending it due to things not going to be able to work out, I have had some toxic relationships) I am back to feeling exactly like this. Anxious, depressed, unable to be completely alone again, and sometimes wanting to die so it all goes away.
I already see a counselor, and I refuse medication (I firmly believe medication does more bad than good, so I use none).
I feel quite hopeless...

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • Stop running from your mind, face the thoughts, cry, scream, yell whatever you have to do. Try to embrace the now and the path you walk, accept yourself for who you are, be happy with who you are when you are on your own and you will put out that energy to the rest of the world which will oddly enough in return, make it easier to find someone.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I can be alone, but I haven’t tested the extent to which I can be alone until I start to feel uncomfortable. I think you have to figure out exactly what’s bothering you and find ways to cure or treat your ailment. Sometimes, finding goals and doing activities can fill this gap, things like sports, exercise, board games, group clubs, volunteering, etc. It can be anything you like, find purpose in, can keep busy, or is of service to someone. Maybe whatever you choose has all of the above listed. I think you can start off with this and then you can look into including someone in your life. The rationale for this is you’d be in a better state of mind and more confident, so you and your future partner will have a healthy relationship. Whatever it is your experiencing, just breathe and relax, you’ll get through it if you don’t give up and make an effort to better yourself. Start with super small goals and then work your way up.

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  • Apart from 2-3 nights a week I am always alone and I wouldn't want it any other way. Loneliness is just a state of mind that you can control.

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