Would you accept to be friends with someone who has hurt you badly?

Recently a guy who did things that hurt me a lot came to tell me he is sorry and he wants us to be friends.
I told him that I can't fully accept the apology because even though I may forgive him I can't trust him anymore, so if he really wants us to be friends he should give me time yo see if he's changed as a person and trustworthy.
What would you do in such a situation?
Updates:
I did accept to be friends, not good friends though, but if he wants my trust then he needs to work a lot on proving me he is changed as a person.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • He should respect that and if he doesn't then it's about him now isn't it. A woman posed essentially the same question the other day about how she hurt a guy years. ago and now she wants to be his friend and he ignores her. And what can she do to make him like her. I said "you dont"! you don't get to hurt someone then decide when they should be over it. And if you truly cared about them you would just simply say i'm your friend, i'm here for you, and i hope one day you'll find it in your heart to forgive me. and leave it at that.

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    • well trust is part of being friends. it's earned over time.

    • I literally had another friend wrong me and she said the thing you said in the end. The only thing I wished is that she would have tried harder to earn me back, it was a bit unclear for a while.

  • Lol, from the reading, the older we get the less tolerent we become. I agree, once a pot got cracks, it will never be the same. I would move on. You can even try n forgive him but... will you really enjoy his company remembering what he did? Add to that, are you sure he won't do it again? the first time was on him, but the next time will be on you.

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    • I'll give him the chance to prove he is different now and he grew up. I already told him that if he is my friend then he should understand why i don't trust him as much. I won't give him a third chance, because as you said, i am to blame if i keep allowing it.

    • Just ask yourself this question. Is he worth your time? don't feel like you need to do it because it is the "right" thing to do.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Depending on what your definition of "hurt" meant. If it's an ex who hurt you in the past, I'd say be careful and don't fall for his trap.

    If it's someone who's mean to you because that's the way some boyish guys play with girls that they like, then I'd say be careful as well, as he could be a potential player.

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  • If you don’t feel like you can accept their apology just yet then I think you need some time to decide if a friendship with this person is even worth it. They might end up hurting you again , & if he can’t wait for you to make up your mind on a friendship then he is not a friend.

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    • I am thinking the same on the last part, that is what i told him actually, that if he really wants to be my friend then he should understand my hesitance. The point is, i will probably forgive him eventually, i can't force it, but you can't simply say sorry to someone and expect them to trust you like before instantly. That is why i meant by not fully accepting it. I may give them a chance to prove they are a different person, but I don't want them to expect things to be exactly like before without me making sure they are trustworthy.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 29

  • I would forgive but i wouldn't be able to forget what he did
    i think you need to take a long look at this before you take
    him on as a friend , i wouldn't be able to be close to him i
    think anyone who hurts someone it's just hard to forget
    what they did.

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  • I was just in a very eerily similar situation with someone, where I was the one saying sorry and looking to be friends again. I wish it worked out, but I want to know the answer to this myself. As in what is going through the other person's mind

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    • So. What happened? Did they agree?

    • Show All
    • There was a lack of trust from what I did, and from what she did, but despite knowing that, she still wasn't willing to make it work

    • It depends on the person.

  • no, a friend is someone who respects and doesn't bully you or something like that. At worst a friend can rude to you maybe once or twice a year and then treat you with respect again, so you feel like brothers or sisters.

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  • I feel like this is an unpopular opinion, but... Sometimes those friendships end up being the deepest ones. And I feel like it deepens yourself too, so have the humility and grace to accept that person back.
    The entire world is full of hurt people hurting people. We all do it whether we know it or not.
    I don't know what this person did, and you should definitely make sure they are being sincere, but if it is real, it may be worth it. Forgiveness is powerful.

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  • Probably the same as you. Or just avoid them all together. Unless they had understandable reasons to be so shitty towards me before.

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  • I would personally settle for no more than a loose acquaintance... if a guy will knowingly hurt you once, he clearly cared little for you and could easily do something similar again.

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  • No i cannot forgive her/him in my heart.. yes by words i can accept apology but i cannot become friend with him.. just normal talk is okay but not friend never

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  • I don't know but i would accept them if they didn't intend to or it was just some kind of misunderstanding and i'm not going to be too harsh to them not accepting their apology.

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  • Depends if she intentionally did it. Or if she hurt me by accident.

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  • I read the 1st sentence n stopped... Iv been told to except anyones apology is the same as saying... Awwwww its ok... Forgiving n kicking em to the curb is different

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  • It depends on what he or she has done in past to me.

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  • That's the smart thing to do and what I would do also.

    Someone hurt me recently, and if she came and apologized, if I believed it was genuine, I'd appreciate the apology, maybe accept it (with a lot of explanation), but I don't know about friendship. She's not the person I thought she was, and changed or not, I can't forget what she's done or how she's acted. She did it once, that's enough, she can do it again. It would take a lot of time and effort on her part to prove she's changed and to build that trust again. She would have to really want my friendship and be patient and understanding. They should also realize and accept that it may never happen.

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  • I'm pretty forgiving. For the low price of 100ml of blood from their left arm, I'd be willing to bury the hatchet and start over.

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  • No, once you screw me over, you're now my enemy and I'm coming for you

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  • "They hurt you badly" is a contradiction of a friendship

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  • I would only be friends with revenge on my mind to set someone up to pay for what they did

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  • I would never trust him again I say tell him to get away from u

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  • meh probably not. i mean why would i?

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  • Leave him in the past

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  • No...

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What Girls Said 19

  • No. Trust is like a piece of paper, once its crumpled u can't make it nice again.
    Now dont get me wrong, I've been hurt by friends, but everyone makes mistakes, it takes a certain kind of malicious intent to make me cut you off forever. Cancers and hold grudges forever.

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  • Well this is the human dynamics in relationships but this is part of also growing up and moving forward so he asked you if you could forgive him if he did or not but obviously he wants to work on the relationship so it's up to you but once you forgive someone you can't hold it against them if your gut feeling is like you can't trust at all then you can't simple.

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  • He should Not Expect It but Earn it... Your own Respect and trust Again, My friend. xx

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  • No. I had a friend who was not only friends with an ex who cheated on me but she thought I should forgive him and be friends with him. That was the end of our friendship

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    • Thought i see nothing wrong with someone being friends with your ex, thats shitty of her to overstep and tell you what to do.

  • It really depends on the circumstances, what he did, if there are any reasons for it, etc. - generally speaking, I'd rather be friendly with him than friends, but it does depend on the details.

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  • Hell no! I would never bring toxic people back into my life! Once I'm done with you, I'm done with you.

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  • No. I wouldn't let them hurt me more than they did.

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  • If I believe that they regret their behaviour and are sincerely apologizing for it.. then yes.

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  • I’d don’t know it depends what it was and what happen.

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  • I did and I ended up regretting it.

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  • Nope

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  • Depends what they did.

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  • I would, in a heartbeat.

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  • I can't accuse on the basis of assumptions.

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  • Depends on what they did tbh

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  • Nope

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  • Nope

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  • Never

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  • If i still want to.

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